Closing my weary eyes, trying to escape the fear looming like a forgotten friend that’s best left that way, I know that I cannot escape the situation no matter how I evade the scene. Words, some light, many heavy, some destructive and few wishing to bring light, float through the air and no matter how I try there’s no escape from the room. I've, we, all of us, have a fear deep within, the moments that we knew and know were to come.
As a child, you hold the hands of your loved ones, safe, comforted, basking in the warmth that sustains your smile and caresses your heart. We seldom move back to the thoughts of those times, the moments of love, as we’re pre-occupied with the daily life, the hustle to grow up, faster and faster until we’re at the point where we’d actually like to be young again. Children become adults, adults become parents and the cycle continues.
There’s a fable, a warning, a conclusion of sorts, a momentary flicker of thought, that we should all prepare for, many knowing what I'm talking about. We’re frail, we’re weak, we’re but flesh, blood and bone, with imaginations that make us superstars, super heroes, titans of strength and passion, bleeding from our souls with fruitless words and actions. Our actions belittle the ideal that we’re removed from this world with the flicker of a flame.
Breathing in, remaining calm, with focus, I listen to the words and take them within. My mind wants to scream, to escape, to proclaim that this cannot be. It never happens to you or the people you love. Surely not, you jest, but yesterday this was not the case, with more random thoughts invading sanity.
If I could rewind to yesterday, I’d do x differently, I’d do such and such, but what’s left is a possible y. This isn't maths, or maybe it is, maybe it’s all decided years previous. No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, I refuse my inner voice access to my thoughts. There will be no torture from within as that not me and that shouldn't be you. There will be smiles, there will be warmth, there will be holding of hands and nothing spoken of pain, tears, hearts breaking or the inner cold that’s infecting my soul. This isn't about me, it’s not about you, as it’s all about someone you love going through something so real that you’re all awakened to the realism that’s called… life.
We have but mere moments, that may stretch to years and years, but in the great scheme of things it’s still that flame’s flicker. Turn to someone you love, listen to someone you adore, caress the lips of those that care and hold their warmth against you. Time is unknown, time is the one thing that’s a mystery, so take that time to hold your own heart and keep it safe.
For the moment, I pray for another day, I'm lucky to see each new day with the person and people that I love. I'm never, ever, going to let those days be wasted. Or say I say, or so I hope with the words I think and write.