Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Political Life Rant

Nothing has changed, in the great scheme of things, other than finding new and exciting ways of distracting us from life. We realise, on our last day, that we've missed so very, very much. We still have our overlords, our pretend saviours that rule with rules and fines while they, themselves, escape perusal and persecution.

It is fine, it’s okay, it doesn't matter, as we’re warm in our beds and safe as protected hearts. It doesn't seem to be a realistic scenario, the thought of working, paying, until the end of our time, despite there being renewable energy right in front of our eyes. It’s not supposed to get easier, as we’re controlled, withheld, a step back from where we really could be.

In an ideal world each of our saviours, the educated, trained, saviours that rule over our thoughts and actions, would be taken to a room and fired. Each one. Asked to leave. It’s obvious, it’s right in front of your eyes, that there’s still a class system at work in our very society. We’re constantly told that we’re all special, the same, no matter the colour, height, stance or creed, yet mock anyone or anything that’s even slightly different than ourselves. It’s a taught trait, it’s passed from generation to generation and, no matter the tolerance, will still end with a 10 year old being offered a cigarette at the back of a playground.

This is life, this might be your life, it’s my life, but only together can we stop the greed and consumption. We’re still fixated on printing, with paper, despite there being a wealth of technical diversions. We’re now pacified. Each level, no matter the media, we’re fed images of what and how we’re supposed to look, how we’re to feel, yet the undertone of fear and hostility, with a spoon full of hatred for others, is played like the finest clarinet to fill our ears.

Ideally I resist, normally I ignore, but the further the years advance I'm becoming more and more baffled by the way things still remain the same. Fraud, at the highest level, is part of the normal working day. It’s madness, it’s shameful but, if I were there, what would I do?  I’d like to believe that I’d be better, that I’d do what’s right, but until we’re sitting on that chair, on top of the mountain, looking down, we have no idea what poison may manage to quickly seduce our minds. Maybe the first step would be to stop looking down… .

Each day we’re lucky, actually lucky, not to be assaulted, robbed, or worse. That, however, is outside in the real world. Inside our homes we’re legally threatened, charged excessive amounts, forced to buy TV licences and even pay for basics such as water.  The Basically Biased Crooks place agendas In front of our eyes and the mainstream media promote diversion and segregation. It’s shockingly obvious, it’s painfully puerile, but it keeps all of us in line.

One day, maybe one day, we’ll be allowed to wake up and actually have faith in people that seemingly control our lives.

Life Map

Looking at the map, the lines, all of the names, I throw a small smile onto my face as I glance at the various places I've been. Exploring, at an earlier age, wasn't something I attained to but, now that I'm that bit older, I've realised that venturing forward fits into my desire to create. Explore, create, relive, smile, laugh and move on.

The lines twist across the page, connected, joined, reaching forward to a world that begs for each of us to explore. Sometimes we stop, the junction looming into view, stopping as we’re not quite ready to drive ourselves forward. Left, or right, forward being the direct option, with reverse as the last diversion.

Looking up, from the map, I backtrack and realise that reverse can sometimes be useful, at times, if you know a quicker way forward that’s just behind you. Smirking, a crafty look, with eyes falling back to the map. I know that we prefer speed, to rush to the next step, but there’s obviously fuel to be considered. Energy, support, type pressure, oil levels and snacks to think about.

The plan, the journey, the best laid plans, often being thrown into the wind in favour of another flavoured adventure. Why not plan the trip, to an extent, then throw caution away and just go wild. There’s places, faces, many races, all there offering adventure, exploration, smiles and maybe even a little danger. We, after all, only have today to live as tomorrow is then but, we’re here now, moving forward.

Maybe you’ll bite your lip, slip the gear stick into gear, lifting your foot with the clutch, slowly, feeling the bite and then after checking each direction, dare to move directly forward. We all know what we’d like, or at least have a reasonable expectation, so only we can drive ourselves there. Others can assist, maybe even drop you off at a destination, but the final drive will always, always, come from within.

We know where we've been, we ultimately know where the very last final journey will take us, so exploring the very map of life can sometimes be a viable thing to do. Personally, privately, I’d prefer to go crazy, to explore, to simply drive to destination A, to see B, C, D and E. Each corner affords a new experience, to go wild, to be crazy, to be silly, to explore and to experience. We've lived the mundane, we’re existing in a controlled world, so find that highway that has no speed limit and just drive.

Looking at the map, the places, all of the names, I throw a small smile onto my face as I glance at the various places I need to visit. Exploring the person that I am, at my current age, is something I attain to do now that I'm that bit older, as I'm realising that venturing forward fits into my desire to create.

Explore, learn, understand, smile, laugh and move on. 

Thursday, 11 May 2017

Real Life

Over the many years, at supposedly random moments, I've felt loss and pain. I know that I'm no different, better, or worse, than anyone else, but it’s still something that’s happened to me. Most of us have loved, lost, watched people walk away or even, which is also quite possible, walked away from individuals. Of course none of us, I hope, meant to hurt anyone but that’s this thing called life.

Right now, today, this moment that’s being shared via the power of words, I'm scattered across the floor and room. A thousand little bits. Maybe even a million. I'm not going to count.  Being this divided, across said room, is literally forcing me to face a thousand memories. Each little bit of me, this person, has a thought to share and exclaim. That would be okay, as I'm used to a hundred thoughts flashing across my mind, but in this case each thought wishes to torture my soul.

We've all felt doubt, felt lost, even felt guilty, but for me they’re all emotional moments bombarding my mind over and over again. Usually, when under pressure, I find a solution, I look to the positive while thinking how the negative might come into play but, no matter what, I rise as that’s what I need to do. I know what needs to be done. I act. Even if it takes a week, a month, after each angle’s explored, I act.  Now, today, I'm truly stuck screaming for an answer.

There is no answer. My Mother passed away, she’s no longer here and, just the thought of that, makes me cry pure anguish into the world. I’m so angry, almost broken, that the person that’s held my hand from the moment I arrived into the world is no longer here. Then, the next second, all I feel is her memory trying to tell me that I’ll be okay.

This weekend I visited Ireland which, in a way, is facing certain aspects head on. I don’t know the answer. Time heals all but, in this case, there is no healing from this situation. I almost feel that I need to literally bleed tears until I can heal but I just don’t know how to do that. I’ve been brought up, more or less trained, to be self-sufficient. I’ve spent so much time on my own that I do not know how to share these aspects of my life which means, when I’m on my own, I grasp at a chance to let the emotion free. I cry, I scream, I wrestle with the thoughts until the calm invades everything again.

There is no escape from who you are and how you feel. There is no vision of a perfect solution. I can feel my mind, in the background, speaking with my heart, trying to resolve the issues and conflict within. I know that they’ll find a solution, eventually, as that’s how stubborn I must be. I know that I’m not the only person feeling the madness that wants to take control, but I, we, won’t let it.

Life isn’t fair, it’s not meant to be, as it’s natural, progressing forward no matter the cost or implications for feelings, family or anything else. There is a time for all things. Right now, this time in my life, is a time to heal and grow. How on earth I can grow I truly do not know but I still have hope. From all pain there can flow a better path.

I’ll carry on crying, I’ll carry on shouting at random objects, I’ll find a way to let the pain escape as that’s as much as any of us can do. It hurts like hell, it literally makes me want to scream, to thrash around damning the world, but that’s not fair as I can hardly ever expect lenience from a world where no special favour is provided by nature. This is the natural order that has always been, will always be, without question or divergence.

In a way, my own little way, this blog is my own little fountain of expression. I can type, then type more words, slowly and quietly, letting my thoughts escape into the world until I divert to fiction again. This is real life, this is happening now, but tomorrow might just be a work of fiction. I truly hope so.


Being aware of your own feelings, your thoughts, how you're coping with the world is important so please, no matter how you do it, share!

There's friends, family and forums that should hopefully be ready to listen