Tuesday, 9 January 2018


The rain, moving, hitting the ground at speed, fulfilling its intended purpose, strikes my face and body with near certainty. I know that there’s something wrong, something that I'm not quite aware of, but I'm not one to pry into another’s affairs. They say that everybody cries, everyone finds a place to create their own rain like tears, but for me, for now, I'm not one of those people.

The heart pours, the heart feels, the heart needs more than what the mind can provide. It needs to be cleansed, adored, loved without question or remorse. I know that everything can change, with or without the world wrapped around us, but if I could take some of this rain, from this place I inhabit within my own heart, I would wash away all of your sins, your reservations about my own heart, the words that I often use to instil life.

You, just you, will always be a part of me. You’re like the air that I need to survive, calming, soothing, flowing over me until I can no longer feel anything other than relaxed. That is why, right now, I'm at a loss of what to do. No-one should ever be lonely, that crippling disease known to many, if not all, which is why I want to walk with you. For the longest time. For the shortest time. It makes no difference. As I said, as I know, as it is written, I know that something’s wrong. I'm not a black shadow that only sees what I want to see, as I'm supposed to be a light, that beacon you can find to get you home. If you so choose.

The rain hits harder as the seconds move forward. I’d hardly call my walk brisk, with the seconds moving along, as my snail like thoughts are destroying that needed motivation. I've seen things, been within things, known hatred, had disgust thrown in my face, but none of that matters as that’s to do with me. I know that I'm not a shield in this world, designated to protecting everyone, which I accept but that still doesn't mean that I shouldn't at least try.

If I could walk away, into the dark distance in front of me, I honestly would. That would be easy, a quick solution, but where in the world would that leave your impression of me. If I'm to walk around this world then please, at least, come with me. Hold my hand, hold my heart, hold my body or even hold my words of tenderness. It’s your choice. I need nothing from you, despite what I said, as I'm contained within myself. It’s a cruel place I live within, when I think about some of my decisions, but it’s kept me safe, kept me aware, which I've come to terms with. A smile erases everything but, that smile, is only worth the actual feelings behind those muscles you force to move.

The rain doesn't seem to be stopping, threatening to engulf each of my steps. Please, help yourself, as I cannot walk forever surrounded by tears and silent words. Open yourself, be brave, grasp at the thoughts in front of you, let me be what I can be and then gain strength. Hiding, within that silence, only reaches the level of being crushed. For once, for the moment right now, stop your rain falling into my life.

The rain, moving, hitting the imaginary scene at speed, creating nothing but strife. I know that there’s something wrong, something that I'm aware of, but I am about to pry into your affairs. They say that everybody cries, everyone finds a place to create their own nightmare, but for me, I'm not about to become one of those people for someone else.

Rain does seem to feature a lot in my Blog posts.

Thursday, 4 January 2018


Her smile entered the room as the door slammed shut. A little, undisciplined smile, appeared across my face before I commanded it to disappear. I know what I'm good at, I know what you need, which is why I knew to let that little smile appear. You’re you, seductive, sexually vibrant, aware, with such a cute smile hiding whatever thoughts that roam within that mind of yours. Of course, it took someone to bring this out of you, someone that understood what your mind wanted to say, someone just like me.

Dressed to impress, my eyes roaming across everything you have, I notice that you’re wearing my favourite outfit and shoes. Not too naughty, a lot of fun, with just the right amount of tease to bring all of my thoughts to the front of my fingertips. I'm not saying that I'm an unscrupulous person but, yeah, that’s what I'm saying.

Unprincipled, promiscuous, thinking and doing all of those things your Mother warned you about. Life is short, with most moments event shorter, so I need to know that you’re on the same wavelength. “Hey you,” you say with those red lips of yours, knowing exactly what and where those lips should be. You’re showing some skin, as usual, those legs of yours, being all smooth and tempting. I don’t want to lick my lips, as my wishful tongue is best suited to other tasks, but I do so anyway. Hungry, eager, in all matters of you.

As you come closer, close enough to breath you into me, your hot breath exhales the obvious desire and need. You whisper softly that you’re all mine, for the next few hours, but is that really ever enough? If you play with me then that’s all you’ll get. If you play with my mind then I’ll insist on the tease lasting for days, weeks, all the nights, until we can’t take another step. I've been aching, to be near you, for the longest time, needing more than the words on your lips or page. The tension, the need, to write my name all over you again and again. There’s no principle worth upholding when you’re this close.

You know that I'm devious, almost corrupt, but if that’s what it takes to reach the heights of life, with you, then that’s where I'm heading. You kick off your high heels, with flats hardly being suitable for an entrance like yours, trying your best to look innocent. You know why you’re here, as my arm moves around your waist, bringing you as close as possible, making sure that you’re ready for the thirst ridden kiss that embraces the both of us. Soft lips, the soft skin pressing against mine, moving together with ease, erupts and then all hell breaks loose. Lifting you onto the side table you open your legs as I place myself between them. You squeeze around me, pulling me in, closer than I thought imaginable. The kisses coming quick and fast, heat rising as I manage to get my top off.

With one hand I wrap my fingers around a section of your blouse, brushing against your breasts. I then make sure to grasp the bra underneath and with one quick movement, while you lift your arms, your top and bra are removed only to be thrown across the room. It must have hurt, just a little, but that’s okay as I’ll kiss it better for you. My lips move to your neck as I glancingly brush your chest. The absolute hunger envelops the both of us. Biting my neck, as I move my lips to kiss between your breasts, I stop. For a moment, taking in the second of mild painful pleasure, I bring my eyes to yours, smiling, possibly trying to see into your hunger, maybe your thoughts, but either way that doesn't last for long as I, in return, bite your shoulder.

Pushing me away, hopping from the side table, un-zipping your short skirt, you lift your leg and push me onto the bed. I, however, have other plans. I grab that leg of yours, running my hand up the underside while softly using the tip of my tongue along the top. You stop me as I reach the end of your leg which, of course, only makes me want you more. With both of us smiling, feeling the adrenaline rushing we again feel each other’s lipstick stained lips. Breathing becoming shallow, a different kind of heat, wanton, a needing exhalation, grasping to breath each other’s desire into ourselves. 

If I could bath in your beauty, if I could grasp that part of your mind that wants me, I’d surely wrap myself around you and never let go. There’ s sex, there’s desire, then there’s you. I don’t want to touch if it doesn't feel real. Yeah, she knows, that I don’t normally give a flying f*** for most things, but once connected, I'm going all the way again and again and again.  You are, more importantly, invited along for every, single, ride.

Then… .

Wednesday, 3 January 2018


Biting my lip, figuratively, I relax into the chair listening like an obedient slave. I want to answer back, I don’t want to play the game, but I have a place and I'm being put there. It’s strikingly annoying, it’s maddingly obvious, but what else can I do.

If I had a life, with everything in the appropriate place, all lines crossed, I’d gladly rise from this chair and question everything. I want to fight, to find freedom, but that’s not the path that I'm taking. I'm forsaking that type of direction in favour of simply letting it all happen. I'm hardly a coward, not usually one to stand back, but this is the way my world seems to be.

My knuckles tense as my fingers grasp the sides of the chair, showing a slight crack in my resolve. I, however, smile, placate the situation, nod my head like a good boy and say the words that need to be said. I play that game, I tell my wounds to shut up and to hide away. It’s not the time, it’s not ‘that’ time just yet but, the ever present question isn't if, it’s when. When will I finally shout, “Enough!” To the world, to everyone that does and doesn't count?  Not today, not tomorrow, not next week and probably, maybe, never.

I'm waiting, we’re waiting, they’re waiting, along with the world, for something, somewhere, to change. We’re static, accepting, subservient to the way life has set our course. That thought, those words alone, fill me with fear. I'm flying, two inches from the ground, with a rope around my arms ensuring that I'm only destined to travel on the intended path. Don’t deviate, don’t dare make a suggestion, as that’s not allowed in this world. Play nice, be nice, be rewarded and have everything taken from us day in, day out. But, saying that, I realise that I'm damn lucky to have what I have. Truth be told that fact cannot be denied.

The nod is given, the final words spoken, which means that I'm allowed to leave the room. I've been guided, directed, the steel bars placed around my wrists ensuring that I'm still stuck within the world I inhabit. I could run, I could remove all bonds and strive into the world becoming free, but our world isn't designed that way. We’re financially buried, burdened, enticed to buy more and more, ever shackled to the very place we despise.  To truly be free we’d have to forsake so much, so many things, in order to finally feel that freedom.

It’s disgusting, it’s making me bitter, twisting my insides into something I've never intended to be but, this is what is. I'm not going to fight it. I can’t. Instead, as the eyes divert their gaze away from me, sedated to my working mind, I’ll play, I’ll scrape, I’ll work my way free into the world again. I'm not stupid, supposedly an intelligent persona, which means that I’ll bide that time. We all have plans, most wanting different things, which means that today, tomorrow, next year, is when we make our move. I don’t feel that frustrated, trapped into desperation, as I know that I ultimately have a choice.

For now, I’ll walk along this corridor, slowly, methodically, planning, realising, that I'm not truly controlled, as my plan is to simply acquiesce to everything. That, after all, means that I'm never, ever, truly under another’s power.

Stay free!