Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Raining

The rain, moving, hitting the ground at speed, fulfilling its intended purpose, strikes my face and body with near certainty. I know that there’s something wrong, something that I'm not quite aware of, but I'm not one to pry into another’s affairs. They say that everybody cries, everyone finds a place to create their own rain like tears, but for me, for now, I'm not one of those people.


The heart pours, the heart feels, the heart needs more than what the mind can provide. It needs to be cleansed, adored, loved without question or remorse. I know that everything can change, with or without the world wrapped around us, but if I could take some of this rain, from this place I inhabit within my own heart, I would wash away all of your sins, your reservations about my own heart, the words that I often use to instil life.

You, just you, will always be a part of me. You’re like the air that I need to survive, calming, soothing, flowing over me until I can no longer feel anything other than relaxed. That is why, right now, I'm at a loss of what to do. No-one should ever be lonely, that crippling disease known to many, if not all, which is why I want to walk with you. For the longest time. For the shortest time. It makes no difference. As I said, as I know, as it is written, I know that something’s wrong. I'm not a black shadow that only sees what I want to see, as I'm supposed to be a light, that beacon you can find to get you home. If you so choose.

The rain hits harder as the seconds move forward. I’d hardly call my walk brisk, with the seconds moving along, as my snail like thoughts are destroying that needed motivation. I've seen things, been within things, known hatred, had disgust thrown in my face, but none of that matters as that’s to do with me. I know that I'm not a shield in this world, designated to protecting everyone, which I accept but that still doesn't mean that I shouldn't at least try.

If I could walk away, into the dark distance in front of me, I honestly would. That would be easy, a quick solution, but where in the world would that leave your impression of me. If I'm to walk around this world then please, at least, come with me. Hold my hand, hold my heart, hold my body or even hold my words of tenderness. It’s your choice. I need nothing from you, despite what I said, as I'm contained within myself. It’s a cruel place I live within, when I think about some of my decisions, but it’s kept me safe, kept me aware, which I've come to terms with. A smile erases everything but, that smile, is only worth the actual feelings behind those muscles you force to move.

The rain doesn't seem to be stopping, threatening to engulf each of my steps. Please, help yourself, as I cannot walk forever surrounded by tears and silent words. Open yourself, be brave, grasp at the thoughts in front of you, let me be what I can be and then gain strength. Hiding, within that silence, only reaches the level of being crushed. For once, for the moment right now, stop your rain falling into my life.

The rain, moving, hitting the imaginary scene at speed, creating nothing but strife. I know that there’s something wrong, something that I'm aware of, but I am about to pry into your affairs. They say that everybody cries, everyone finds a place to create their own nightmare, but for me, I'm not about to become one of those people for someone else.


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Rain does seem to feature a lot in my Blog posts.

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