Monday, 28 May 2018

Broken


It’s been two years. Two long, solitary, unforgettable years. I say unforgettable but, what I mean, is that one night defined that word. For me. Forever. It had all started three weeks before that night and, although friends told me, even scolded me, to simply forget, I couldn't. I simply cannot forget.


It seemed like another normal night, a weekend, what we’d both been looking forward to. He wasn't like the others, at all, refined, defined, a clear cut no nonsense type of person. You knew, deep down, you just knew that if you asked him a question you would get a gentle, thoughtful, answer that featured no lies, illusions or other. He was genuine. For once.

I adored his smile, his eyes, yet the way he looked at me made my smile all the more vibrant. I wouldn't go as far to say that I was in love, that fanciable situation that made our hearts skip and legs flutter when kissed, but the moments we shared were like a whirlwind. He appeared into my life, each moment, holding me closer each time, creating such energy that I could honestly feel that I could fly.

Magical, impulsive, whisking me away on adventures that realistically should have been mundane, even silly, but I truly felt so young once again. He held my hand. Always. Held it close, keeping me warm, alive, ensuring that I actually felt wanted. It’s amazing how easy it is to make someone happy yet, at the same time, so many of us fail to even think about anything else other than our own happiness. You can be happy, I was happy, but with another you can truly take that feeling to another level.

Then, on that night, you whispered words that I’d always, my entire life, wanted to hear. You told me, you informed me, with such silent energy that I could feel your feelings from across the table. You’d moved to my side, wanting to be closer, kissing me softly a fair few times. It made my heart flutter and I could feel my eyes soften as I listened to your words. You said, you stated, that you’d waited a lifetime to find me. You knew, even understood, that such words were dangerous explanations and delicate. You’d explored the world, you’d seen the fragility of things, the frail emotions that we all displayed, yet you were there, exclaiming your very heart and maybe soul.

You told me, twice even, to make sure that I understood, that you didn't take emotions or love lightly. To me, it was a dream becoming reality. After being let down so many times, hearing the same words spoken again and again just to reach the usual place, I wanted to believe. I needed to believe that after all of this time, that such things could exist. You explained that I had a good heart, a beautiful heart, that I didn't deserve the pain and agony that others had put me through, but that was then. That moment, the moment, was then.

I listened. You spoke with your eyes, as well as your lips. You made me, or should I say, your intentions asked me to grasp you, to hold you against me, to never let go. I just wanted you to continue talking to me, all night, to make me a believer in another world. Words of love, moments filled with soft kisses, your fingers moving across my skin with such tenderness and care. It simply couldn't be true. You said that we should never let each other down. Ever. That no vile words be spoken, respect being bigger than love, if that was, of course, what I wanted. I did. I do. I still do.

We walked from that place, into the dark, laughing, still holding hands but that was when the world destroyed my entire mind. It shattered, it crumpled, it smashed into a million pieces and to this day, I've never been the same. The car came from nowhere. The driver intoxicated. We both saw the vehicle and, in a slow motion nightmare that I cannot erase from my mind, you turned, pushing me out of the way and I can still remember the look on your face the moment before. You knew what was about to happen. You could feel it. You’d expressed the words that you’d wanted to speak of. You’d finally found the person to be your everything and, in your final breath, you’d saved them. You gave your life for mine and I shall never, ever, forget you. The words you spoke. Your kisses. The smallest of time that we shared.



None of us know how long we have. Be the love within your heart.


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