Right now, this very second, I'm sat in a warm room that’s safe, filled with my person and more. It’s one of those moments where I reflect on my own life. Where I am. Some would say that I'm feeling sorry for myself but, instead, I’d prefer to think that I'm realising and possibly indexing the moments that are now somewhere else. The word ‘indexing’ might be a bit cold, but it’s suitable, as I'm resolving, fixing, chastising and basically getting to the root of a few things.
Being silly on a mountain.
We need this. We should have this. The quiet time where there’s no rescue, no safety blanket to enable the ignorance that I, we, some of us hold. I know that I can ignore many things, moments, mistakes, but no matter how I ignore them they stay right where they are. Haunting, reminding, calling my number asking me to answer. Heck, being truthful, my thoughts would text if they could as this is the digital age, after all.
But, instead, I wait until moments such as this. The quiet seconds, the lonely cloud threatening to spin my mind like some child’s toy. But, as I'm an adult, I have to wave away the clouds and see through the mess. As a child, adults often said, “I know that you think you know everything!” which is odd as I’d reply with,
“I know that I don’t know everything.” I’d then look confused. Confidence doesn’t mean that you know everything but, thinking back, having an answer for EVERYTHING probably made people think the way they did. I probably still do have an answer for everything, nearly, right or wrong, as I at least admit that… I can be wrong. Imagine that. It’s true. Every opinion, every thought, every emotion, touch, kiss and more are all based on what I know. It’s a shame, as I don’t know everything, and all of that missing information might make a difference to every single person alive today.
It’s quiet here, very quiet, other than the music playing through the headphones. I can still feel the lack of activity, within my own mind, heart and possibly soul. The limbo area of life. We all have these, from time to time. Which way, up, down, left, right, the fear prodding at our hands, asking us to step back while the life, the real exciting parts of life, simply asking for each of us to take one small, little, scary step forward. I love the small steps. I love the big steps. I love every single step that a person can take to improve. It’s life, it’s progression, it’s getting in as much as you can before the big day of the future. That’s then, this is now, thankfully.
In the corner of the room the computer playing the music, has just decided to strongly suggest that I update Windows. This is the thing with life, the moments, which are difficult to find, as they sometimes just want to interrupt. Give me that log cabin in the woods. Give me the three dogs and two cats and you might never see me again. That is, of course, as long as I can take you all with me.
Deep down, no matter what happens, I can feel the happy person within wanting to explore, to escape, to rampage out of my current life. I'm never going to complain as my life is easy compared to many, many others, the gift that I wouldn't give away, but that silence… . I need that silence.
Maybe it’s time to walk up another mountain. Maybe it’s time to explore. Energise, replenish, restock the inner foundation of smiles, laughter and more. We need these things, we know that we want those moments, so let’s try to gather them together and enjoy what we enjoy. We all have our little pleasures, the wants and needs of life, with mine being quite simple.
There might be no actual reason for this Blog post, a story as such, but it’s random, it’s thoughts, so fits the bill. I don’t usually post something like this but this is me. I'm the guy that usually has no thoughts banging around in my head, singing some song for the tenth time in an hour, calm and relaxed, which is where I need to return to. I like to create, write, laugh and especially to make others laugh and feel appreciated. It’s what I'm here for. It’s what I was made for, every fibre of my soul, wanting to be polite, charming and, above all, a friend.
Soon, very soon, I’ll get back to that. Until then, I’ll enjoy this moment, searching, becoming, something… new. Plus, of course, there's over 10+ books in this head of mine. Some planned, some not, some... day. I hope. xx