Thursday, 10 January 2019

Now


Those moments, the very seconds that have escaped, that we’ll never ever see again seem to haunt me. Yeah, I know, we were so close at that one point in time but now, right now, that’s gone and never forgotten. What was it?  Ten years ago? Eleven? It doesn't matter as that was then and, right now, this is only the very ‘now’ that I’d imagined.


I walk through the night, alone, on my own, wondering if we’d ever actually imagine returning to that place again. It messes with my head, this mind, to think that I had you, touched you, pressed our skin together, only to quickly vacate the situation quicker than a forgotten moment. You know the one. You think the thought and then, the next second, it’s gone. You do, we did, try to remember but it’s far, far too late to return to ten years previous.

We talked, for such a long time, around the subject, about the subject, described the scenarios, laughed so much, then we… became foolish. We tempted the devil, embraced his type of grace. We indulged. We touched. Tasted. Caressed. Held. We pushed and pulled each other, until the very sweat ensured we’d done everything we’d always wanted to do, from the very second we first smiled at each other.

I needed. You wanted. We basically did what’s natural within the world. That night, the entire night, stretching for an hour upon another hour. Beautiful long hair, my hand in yours, fingers feeling that skin, making something from nothing and having the smiles upon our faces turn into expressions of pleasure. You were, I’ll admit, so damn good. Hooked. The line. The very sinker that kept me afloat all vanished that night.

I never survived. I lost a part of myself. Yeah, you've heard it all before, you holding the wine glass, looking at me in ‘that’ way, bright lips asking me to come closer, my very core not even being remotely close to saying no. The trap that neither of us wished to run from, so close, foreboding, the darkness closing in to embrace the deepest desires of two people.

Within each of us, the two of us, we knew that a place existed that needed freedom. A selfish place, an often forgotten place, just begging to free itself. That’s what we did. We poured every single want and need into that room, onto each other, without even thinking to stop for a single breath of rest. The train that never stops, the thunderstorm, the very animalistic nature of two people that had waited far, far too long. That was us. That was you, me, the two becoming one.

That was then. This is now. I thought that I’d forgotten about you, the moment drifting away into the echo of the world, but you’re here right now. In front of me. We’re smiling, reminiscing, skirting around the very thing that we both know we’re aware of. Within the first ten seconds I knew, I know, that I still want you. Same for you. It’s so obvious. I could step the conversation forward and admit all of this but that, that place, might just not be where I want to head.

You've changed, it’s in your eyes, which is the same for me. We've grown, realised a few things, the foolish nature of the youngsters within each of us. That’s okay, it’s perfectly fine, as we both know where this is heading even if we’re not ready to speak about it. It’s inevitable. There’s people that orbit each other and, once in that orbit, they gravitate straight towards each other. It’s life, it’s attraction, it’s the raw and bare reason why we’re all here.

Those moments, the very distant seconds that vanished, that could possibly be re-created to haunt me again. Yeah, I realise, that we were so close in those moments but now, right now, we have another chance. What was it? Ten minutes ago? Eleven? It doesn't matter when I met you again as that was then and, right now, this is only the very ‘now’ that I’d imagined.


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