Monday, 10 April 2017

I Need To Go...

I need to go now. I wish that I was staying longer, if only for a few more moments, but life is calling me. I know that there’s a time, an imposed limit, thrown through the void into my life, but that’s okay and mostly accepted. This is where I am, who I’ll become, where I'm heading. If only, I bleed a wish, remembering that the universe cannot dare spare me more time.

I can hear voices, the many moments of time, echoing through my mind. The things I’ve done, the things that I should have done, the places I’d have liked to have visited but, instead, waited for a future moment and time. We all know that it waits for no-one, the life we lead, but there’s always tomorrow. Maybe.

I need to go now. There are lows to life, the wows that arrive from many facets, many avenues, along with the many smiles and moments of laugher. Sometimes, it really does feel, as if the moments all seem to be one. I’d beg for a year of laughter, a year of love, a year of kisses and a year of dreams. I’d gladly throw away the tears, although they’ve made me who I am, in order to just allow room for more adventures.

Life’s real, it doesn’t care for paper planes flying through the air, it doesn’t smile at a child’s laughter, as it’s been there, seen it all, broken down and thrown all the excuses into the darkest depths, then returned for more. It’s realism, it’s realistic, it’s brutal and, most of all, it’s the life we lead.

I need to go now. Looking to the sky, blinking as the sun shines into my soul, I know that there’s a time for everything, a place for everyone, even when that place is nowhere, you have to carry forward everything you leave in your mind. Escape, run away, leave, but above all, realise that you’ll still bring it all with you.

If there were easy solutions, I honestly, hand on heart, might not take them if I had a chance to live again. It’s that realism, the moments, the tears cried in those seconds, that have made us who we truly are on this day. The grass, they say, might be greener, but on which side, in what way, as that grass might be resting on forbidden soil. We just don’t know.

I need to go now. I’m away, I’m cutting away, leaving behind a few moments, a measure of pain, while keeping love within my heart. I know that I haven’t said much, explained myself, but that’s for me to know and for no-one to understand. I’m climbing back towards a healing place. I can feel the pressure, inside, hurting my heart and mind and, because of the person I am, I can no longer hold onto that place.

I need to go now, right now, as I have to heal. There’s a better place calling… .

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