Saturday, 28 August 2021

Heartbreaker

You. Just you. That one, the one, that did exactly what you did. It hurt like hell but that’s, as they say, the way loves goes. A supposed victim of my own inner ideals and idiotic meanderings. One would think that I actually liked the twists and turns of the motion of your emotions.


I don’t, I do not. I never will. I’m a kind person, a caring person, with the upsetting aspect of all of this, being that you’re also the same. I never expected the avenue to, literally, be a dead end. When you mess with a heart it hurts, but this, this very thing, seems to have moved my actual soul.

I know that I’m being dramatic, but there’s that yang to your inner ying that often, simply, wishes for more. A connection. A vibe. A presence within another that bonds directly to yourself. The holding of a hand feels right and, upon a given day, it hurts like hell to let go.

Forced, abjured, the feelings simply strewn across the floor like the broken vase of my dreams. It’s okay, it’s to be said, done, abandoned and moved away from. That heartbreaker. You know what you did. You knew how this would make me feel.

You touched, you adored, you held with such force that my feminine mind gave away my very essence. You said that you adored my scent upon your skin. You stated that you had to have me over and over again yet, upon this very second, you’re nowhere to be seen. Another conquest, another moment, a further wounding glance designed to inflate your never-ending desire to be adored.

It’s all so clear. I could never fall for someone that actually, truly, really cared. The faults and infatuations being all so very clear. I’m broken, with the never-ending loop of trying to mend, yet seemingly doomed to repeat the same, tired, repeating process add infinium.  I know that you thought that you cared for me and, upon a certain level, you did. You just had to have what you wanted and what you wanted, was me.

You did things, said things, explored places that the normal type of man wouldn’t even think of. It’s exhausting, it’s deflating, knowing that you’ll soon move onto your next target of awe. Your dark eyes, the way you move simply turns me on to my very core. I ache for you, desire you. Dream of you. But that’s not enough and nothing ever will be.

I’m sat here, thinking, wondering, trying to escape the situation I’ve found myself within. If it was just sex, then you could have just asked. I know that ‘that’ isn’t the way it works, but right now, with what I know, I’d have happily have let you explore every inch of me with my lips knowing exactly what they were to be used for. You broke a piece of me, broke me in half and opened my very body to something new. Then, once you’d had your desired, erotically induced fantasies played out, you left.

I would feel used but, instead, I’m just sat here wanting you all over my body. It’s evaporating my very sense until I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m spiralling, out of control, gasping for your air to free me. I know that you’ll be back, as you’re addicted to flesh. You’re embraced by the very notion of control. You need to be adored by everyone and everything.

I’m going to try and forget you. Everything about you, as you’re just not worth my time. It’s done. Over. Gone and far away. Yet, you’re still here, inside me, lips kissing my neck and arms holding me in place. I just cannot seem to escape what you’ve done to my living memories. I hate you, but I love you, as you’d freed and chained me at the same time. I want to scream, I want to moan, I want you. I need you. You’re just that heartbreaker I was warned about.



Saturday, 29 May 2021

Buried

Daniel continued digging. Each movement caused his lower back irritation but, for once, he was on a mission and would finish no matter the consequence. Again, the shovel struck the exposed earth, moving, digging, ever further into the soil.

Another clump of earth moved from the wet, sodden ground. He’s started digging twenty or so minutes before the rain started, as he cursed his obvious luck and misfortune. He smirked, understanding, realising, that this was typical for his life. He’d give up, throw the spade to the floor and proclaim his dissatisfaction to the heavens above but, for once in his life, he’d accomplish the task come hell or high water. He laughed a little, realising that high water was closer than he’d ideally prefer.

His arms, aching, continued with their given task. Each instruction from his mind, pushing him forward, but in this instance and task his heart was also incredibly invested towards the outcome of his efforts. Daniel’s frustration, as well as mild anxiety, furthered his anguish. He simply wished to find a solution, a path, or a safety net, all the while knowing that he had little choice but to continue.

He’d made decisions in his life, some bad, mostly good, with only the negative aspects remaining to constantly haunt his waking thoughts. Again and again, his misdemeanours continued to taunt him. If he could run, he’d consider such an option, but he knew that he could never, ever, escape himself.

He continued to dig, nearing his objective with each strike and lift of the shovel. He’d explored many options, spoken to a hundred and one people, with this being his last and final option worth considering. He wanted to be cleansed, to escape the person he was, even though he wasn’t a particularly bad person. A shedding of skin. A renewal. An opus of possible regeneration or, even, just a better version of himself.

He’d read self-help books, the power of the moment, understanding the very notion of how a human being should conduct himself within a living society. He was still denied the silence of a quiet mind, a relaxed mind. As his thoughts invaded his attempted calm, another section of dirt vacated the ground and finally, he was ready.

Daniel dropped the spade, as he fell to his knees. He felt ridiculous, but quickly moved away from such notions. He knew that the mind, let alone a person’s body, could often work in mysterious ways and at this point in his life, he’d try anything and everything. He raised his hands, imagining a wooden box, as he opened the imaginary lid. Within, there sat an empty space. Daniel smiled. He was ready, finally ready to move forward.

The rain splattered around him, over him and into the hole in front of Daniel. He lowered the imaginary box. He then closed his eyes, raising from within him such emotion that he immediately started to cry. He couldn’t hold back any further. His eyes opened as his tears joined the hundreds of raindrops around him. Each tear, landed into the invisible box. Each emotion, be they negative, expressive or even destructive, rose within him.

As the overwhelming feelings sat within his heart, his mind and possibly his soul, he raised his hands to the side of his head and then, with as much energy as he could find, he gestured metaphorically by throwing the energy from within him, into the invisible box. The cleansing of a spirit, the freeing of a soul, the demonstrative capacity of a person willing to grow, shown within the seconds of his life.

Each let down, each loss, each crippling word spoken to another, let alone his own demonising moments, released from his very emotive display. He no longer wished to be held captive and captor to his life. He wished for his words to be kind, to hold and to console him. His heart was gentle, his soul but the weak child of innocence, yet the enclosed cage had started to strangle his very life. Gasping for air, tears still falling, he felt the very weight of his world push against his entire body. The vessel of a person could only hold so much sacrifice, so much sacrilege, before a person’s will would break. Daniel knew all of this, he understood and despite having the very world at his hands, it was not enough. The demons, the devils, the mere thought of returning to the young days of being an innocent child scolded him, squandering the chance to just simply be what he could be.

The wounds of his words were, finally, fully exposed. The rain, the moment, the visually encapsulating box in front of him, allowed the expulsion of so very, very much. He could swear that he could feel his actual soul emptying. The conscience of a man, expunged. The heart of a man, sanctified.

The last tear from within appeared from his right eye and, in that moment, he could see it fall as if the very moments of time had neared the slow sacrifice of existence. The imaginary box, now full. The lid, closing as he thanked his very makers for the chance to humble himself in such a way.

With gentle trembling hands, he lifted the invisible vessel. Placing the box into the ground, he gently placed his left and right hands either side of the hole, to slowly drag dirt into the seemingly empty space. Vanquished. Gone. Hidden and taken from him. As his mind cleared, he continued to place the dirt into the hole. Faster and faster, as the smile appeared upon his face. He didn’t care if it worked or not. He wouldn’t even give that fact a second thought as, in the great scheme of things, the pills hadn’t worked, the friends, the thousand conversations as well as the ten affirmations. He would find his own solution, his own sacrifice if needed, as long as he could survive. All he wanted to do was bury his old life, his sacrifices and failures and, hopefully, keep them buried.

Monday, 10 May 2021

Abuse

Upon the surface I know, we all know, that the outwardly facing world is a picture-perfect reflection of the ideal life. My smiles, my laughter, all reflect the amount of love I feel for that person in my life. We hold hands, we giggle, we wander around the world and the onlookers seem to even be mildly jealous. Picture perfect. We’re matched, meant to be and are far, far more.

When I met you, you said all of the words I wished to hear. The trials and tribulations of your life seemingly overcome, resolved, removed and the wishes and kisses soothing my very soul like no other. I fell so very, very hard for you. I couldn’t wait to hold that hand of yours. To hold you. To have and literally throw myself into the situations we managed to find ourselves. We laughed like no other, buzzing and bouncing around like silly fools.

I remember when the phone would beep and the moments my heart would skip. Each message was but the very smile upon my lips. Your words, your curves, all infecting my soul. I should have known. Perfection can sometimes incur a cost. Many people often wear masks to hide so many, many sides, but that’s often to protect themselves. I understand, I also supposedly understood the thoughts upon such survival techniques.

Then, upon one solitary day, something changed. Ambushed. Unknown. Not quite ready for what happened. You changed or, should I say, you changed when your lips touched your secret addiction. You hadn’t faced your demons at all as, instead, you’d simply hid them within a room of dark secrets and cruel debauchery. The very notion that the sweetest, most innocent person you could ever meet, could change into the cruellest, demonising, destructive person, was something I wasn’t prepared for. Under your very skin, lurked someone that I would never, ever, wish to be anywhere near.

The alcohol turned you, switched you into someone that I simply did not know. You would pick, prod, deflect, blame and patronise. Every opinion thrown from my thoughts would be ridiculed. The coward finally rising from within, intending to destroy the unknowing person sat beside you. Eventually, over time, I realised that the very intention of your hidden side was to break me. Subservience is what you desired. To be better, to tower above me, for some godless reason that I never fathomed until later. I came to understand that love was not worth the anxiety of having every single word scrutinised.

I, eventually, was no longer blameless. My own actions faltered as I tried again and again to change the situation. I was wrong, I failed. I started to change and with each new action, I realised that I was the only person that was managing to do just that, change. I was becoming defensive, argumentative and afraid of each new conversation. Manipulation can be a gradual process. Slow, meandering, clever and most certainly, evil.

Upon a day, you stood in front of me, shouting, asking me, telling me, to hurt you. To hit you. That, upon that very second, explained everything to my simple, silly, mortal soul. If upon that very second, I did as requested, my soul would have been lost and the victory won by your possibly unknowingly twisted mind. I would have been chastised, broken, owned and reviled by every single person that you would have told. That was your intention, the breaking of bones would never be the same as owning another.

Upon almost every single level, hurting the person you love, be that pain physical, emotional or even spiritual, should never, ever, enter a person’s mind. Things happen, people grow apart and eventually have affairs, but that’s just the way of a heart that hasn’t yet found what it truly needs or desires. The pain is often not intentional. Abuse is every single meaning of itself. It’s intentional, avoidable and most certainly not to be accepted within any second of our lives. At least I’m now trained to see the expertly hidden signs of such actions. As mentioned, I’m hardly innocent, but at least I’m honest. I’ll never ‘be’ you, even though you could be anyone. I have no pity or answers, only solutions that would never, ever, have been heard.

I’d like to believe that you simply believed that you were right with all of your words but, seeing as the trends upon your life mimicked themselves with each new partner, I’m afraid that my beliefs would never become truth. A person can be crushed. A person can break and fall, with even the smallest of words eventually provoking fear and dread. The child scorned into remaining silent, awaiting the next episode of revulsion and panic. Two people together can achieve so much, but one person upon their own high-minded chariot, can chastise and corrupt even the strongest of characters.

Abuse is not as clear as I thought it was. Abuse is slow, not always physical and most certainly hidden, hidden behind the sweetest smile and most caring words. I’m one of the lucky individuals that has, thankfully, thoughtfully, witnessed and escaped the verbal abuse of another.

Friday, 30 April 2021

Church

“Tell me, Son, how have you sinned?”

Daniel pressed his back against the wooden frame, exhaling, preparing to exclaim all his deeds of indulgent pleasure. He would have prepared a list but, in the event of such a list being found, he might not be able to raise his head ever again. Sure, the knowing glint would remain within his shallow smirk and dark, deep eyes, but secrets would always remain between thy maker and soul.

He’d been called the filthiest, most disgusting names you could ever imagine, by the vilest villains that hid their own indiscretions behind a veil of lies and deceit. He had laughed at all of them, reminding himself, that he’d selectively chosen a few of the Seven Deadly Sins to scribe and delight his very soul. Maybe they were right. Something within him, had worked its way to the surface, ignoring the gloriously inconspicuous distance between heaven and sin.

The gluttonous greed, the sloth of indifference, encompassed within the vengeful wrath of pride and most of all, beyond all others, the sinning envy of lusciously capacious lust. He could write sonnets, stories above all, as well as paint within the walls of the holiest places. It was okay. Perfectly fine. Above board and most of all, no lies would have been told. He knew that he could sin, without uttering even one wrong from his lips. He was, when confronted, a powerful spectre of a man. He embraced all of it. The strength, the power, the possession of another’s heart, soul and mind.

He was sorry, to an extent, of ignoring the golden scriptures of degeneration. They, simply, no longer worked as intended. The only religion he understood was a body against his. The scriptures would be spoken, said, or even kissed upon a darned soul over and over again. Upon the seventh day, he knew, as he’d witnessed and become part of events, where he truly failed to rest upon that day. No rest, as there would be no assured circumstance for the wicked.

He closed his eyes, looking down towards the wooden floor, realising that he didn’t forgive any of them.  None of them. He’d been the sinner, the recriminator of sorts, throwing asunder the failings of others with the finger pointing of failure. Although he wasn’t perfect, the ideal specimen of frail perfection, he knew exactly what he presented. He had his sins and he enjoyed his visits to hell and back. For a hundred days and upon a thousand nights, he’d feast his lips upon the skin of another without hesitation or remorse. For that, he was called a predator, the freak, the weird one amongst the shadows of plain sight.

Mistaken, miss-understood, the ways of a person placed beside the idiotic nature of how to act and be. It was all a great, big, fundamental mess of burning moments. He needed to speak, to quench his very inquisitive nature upon another’s soul. He needed no answers, as he knew the correct method of traversal. He knew of no knowledge that could repent the actions of life. Satan himself, when called upon, when risen within his bones and body, would sanction such a person to live upon the mortals of debauchery and repugnant notions.

Daniel smiled, his eyes still closed, as he replied, “Oh Father, you have no idea! Let me tell you… everything.”

The storm within him had showered his very nature for many, many years and as his eyes turned to a blood red shade of fear and agony, he knew that it was time, the time, to go to Church.


Wednesday, 28 April 2021

Dancing

Daniel looked out of the car window, imagining, thinking, finding any possible reason to escape the boredom. His young mind usually found something elaborate, an alien invasion, a chase, an escaped rhino or, even, just the thought of flying. That imagination of his, remaining vibrant, still free and not yet under the grip of online gaming. He looked up to the sky as raindrops started to fall. Rain.


He smiled as each new drop hit the side of the car’s window. He immediately wanted to join them together with a pen or pencil. Join the dots, within a real-life scenario. Instead, seeing as he’d probably get into trouble, he decided to press his tongue against the window.

“Dan, please don’t lick the window!” exclaimed his Mother, knowing exactly what Daniel was doing from the corner of her eye.

“Sorry Mum,” he replied, “I’m just seeing how cold the rain is!”

She shook her head, her eyes buried deep into the latest parts store catalogue. The single Mother, the one that did it all, despite whatever life threw her way. Stopping for a second, she lifted her head to see a well-known figure within the community. Mr. Franklin approached the car, walking or, should she say, dancing once again in the rain. She smiled, knowing exactly why he seemingly danced every single time it rained.

She glanced at Daniel who, obviously being an inquisitive soul, immediately noticed the dancing man and she knew that a question was incoming.

“Mum, why is that man dancing?”

She continued smiling, as she curled over a corner of the catalogue’s page and closed it. She knew that a young mind would easily understand what she was about to say, but words would have to be used sensibly to escape a further ten questions.

“You know when Mummy wants you to go to bed at eight, and you fidget, cringle, moan and complain?”

Daniel shook his head from side to side, playing the innocent role.

“When I do manage to get you into bed, you feel sad and just want to keep on playing!  Mr. Franklin is the kind of person to not make a fuss. If he was asked to go to bed early, he’d smile and rush to bed!”

“Why?” asked Daniel, a bit confused as to why someone would willingly do such a thing.

“Mr. Franklin knows that time spent fussing, fighting and complaining, is time thrown away. The sooner you get to bed, the sooner you can wake up and start playing again! Do you understand?”

“Yes. But why is he dancing in the rain?”

“That’s an easy question to answer. It’s easy to be happy when you’re playing, or the sun is shining, but the real challenge is dancing when you’re asked to do something that you don’t want to do, like going to bed early,  or when life is difficult or you feel sad! If you can dance and be happy even when everything isn’t perfect, then you can still enjoy life without the sunshine.”

Daniel nodded, his inquisitive little face more or less understanding why the man danced in the rain.

“Does that mean I can dance in the rain as well?”

His Mother shook her head, “No, not right now, but maybe when you’re older!”

Monday, 5 April 2021

Eternity

She stepped into the room, tentative, knowing exactly what to expect. Placing her lower back onto the wooden set of drawers in front of the window, she straightened the long skirt to ensure she looks perfectly presentable. Today was the very day that her entire life changed. For better, for worse, forever being the very offering upon her thoughts.

She cleared her throat, blinking a few times, knowing very well that he would hear her. If she were honest, he knew that she had arrived immediately, her scent being one of the many, many things that he enjoyed. Her eyes moved over the room, as she admitted that she loved the way he kept everything sparse, the barren feeling filled with barely any trinkets or keepsakes. Besides, his personality more than filled the room.

He entered from the kitchen, shirtless as usual, his trousers hanging from his hips, exposing his taut frame. One would assume that he’d planned such an entrance, knowing that they had not seen each other for months. He stopped, staring at her, his eyes lighting the room. She felt her heart skip a few beats, the butterflies appearing the moment his eyes met hers. That indefinable, emotional recipe that needed no definition.

For all of his presentable, seductive charm, he really, really kept himself in shape. He was, overall, a gentle character, intelligent, with an almost insidious, naughty, flirtatious laugh that immediately turned her on. He had that boyish charm, whilst being the most serious person she knew. The weight of his world, neither apparent or thrown forward, as such a lecherous tool to lure an emotional soul towards him. Layered, sensible, a man that she could respect. He didn’t partake in any such dramas of the modern world, despite being a figure from most ages.

Her body spoke to her, quietly, nudging her to take in the view. He was physically strong, with a frame that wasn’t just for show. She would know, as the things he’d done to her with his body would make the sternest lady blush. He’d held her down within his bed, their bed, her bed, as well as every wall within this very room. Her fingertips, let alone lips, couldn’t keep themselves away from him. She’d try to fight it, but when the object of your every desire was stood in front of you, it would be rude to not allow yourself to quench every single wanton thirst.

He was, to her, everything. If there were a cure to be found, she’d never wish to receive the answer. After the others, she’d never have thought that she’d find someone so damn good at what he did. Each time she left, her life felt energised to the point that he’d become addictive. Every thought involved him. His words, his thoughts upon her own, his hand within hers and his lips telling her everything her body had always wished to hear. It wasn’t so much lust, as she had more than enough common sense to avoid such a trivial physical emotion, it was more of a deep desire that had taken over her entire person. She ached for him. A sustenance unlike any other she’d known, and that was before they’d even begun to exchange life knowledge.

He remained motionless, completely still, as his gaze happened upon her presence. He looked at every single inch of her body, from the ground up. She was, more than any other individual prescribed from his entire life, his very desire and purpose. He’d also tried to deny it, over and over again, upon each of the nights where he’d sated his needs within her. He’d stood in silence, for hours, trying to rationalise his adventurous thoughts. He couldn’t fight it and, if he were honest, he never should have even tried. No force in the world would ever stop two people, once they wanted each other, be that want physical, emotional or spiritual.

His body responded to his obvious desire, as he cursed his male anatomy for being so obvious. After he’d held her against him a hundred times, his body instinctively wanted her more than any other within his quiet, lonely, vacant world. She was the answer to the endless bleak nights. She would be the questionable answer to becoming more than he’d ever envisioned becoming.

From his perspective, he didn’t wish to just make love to her, or fuck her, he found that each moment would be an emotional journey. Fear, loss, acceptance and desire. It wasn’t enough to just have her, as she meant more than those moments. He’d listened to a hundred thousand of her spoken words. He had witnessed her describe heartbreak, loss, another love and the very pressure she felt within her worldly travels.

He stepped forward, slowly, knowing very well what was about to happen. Some things in life were, and would always be, inevitable. He studied the shape of her features, as well as hair against the sides of her face. She was, to his eyes, the most beautiful creature he’d ever known. From all of his years, through all of his pain and suffering, she calmed the beast within him.

Her eyes couldn’t move away, even if she wished to look elsewhere. His presence simply awakened something deep within her. That primal experience that she’d never, ever known before. His lips, his body, the eyes, the arch from his back, the way he pressed himself against her, all spoke the volumes of why he was perfect. For her. Only her. By this point in time, he’d passed degrees of study upon her body, becoming something of legend upon her skin and needs. His acts, made her respond in only the manner to which they would count. A woman would only ever know the fire within, once she met the right man to keep the fire burning day and every single night.

Seconds filtered as if the hands of time were at play, those hands mostly slowing to the point where the room seemed to stand still. Her breathing had become quite shallow, broken, as he stood in front of her. An Inch away, face to face, as she felt his exhaled life upon her lips.

“Hello!” she said with a cracked voice.

“Hiya.” He replied.

She didn’t really wish to talk and, by the looks of him, neither did he. With a thirst that couldn’t possibly be described, he bridged the small distance between them by moving his arm around her and pressing his lips to hers. With intense greed his lips moved over her and she, recovering quickly from the moment, responded in kind. His body rested against hers, his need being obviously felt against her waist. If his kisses were not so distracting, she’d allow her body’s silent screams to permit her to immediately want him inside of her.

He could barely contain his desire for her, his body encompassing his growing energy, as his animal side started to take control. He had to be careful, to be considerate to her body. She, thankfully, had little time to complain about bites and bruises. She even, enthusiastically, encouraged his animalistic nature to take over. There was no agenda within their room. He was there to take her, to have her, to enjoy her and to provide her with everything she needed. The woman, the man, the simple equation of need, want and resolution.  Everything else, would be attended to after the fact.

Stepping back a small step, his glaring eyes saying all they needed to say, as he reached forward to grab her dress. She knew what he was about to do and, of course, she thoroughly enjoyed every second. She watched as his arms prepared themselves and then, in one instant, he tore her dress apart. The rip stretched all the way down the middle and, if she were again being honest, she’d swear that he would buy her clothes just to destroy them. Her lingerie flashed into view, with his visible lingerie being his very skin wrapped around all of his hard, dedicated work.

His desire increased as the sight of her near naked body influenced his mind. He growled, ever so softly, as he once again wrapped his arm around her. With a swift motion, she moved her legs around his waist, as he carried her to the other side of the room. They kissed again, the intense need growing around each of them, the increasing purpose within edging the conclusion closer and closer. She held him tightly against her with her arms and legs, knowing exactly how much it drove him wild.

His mind had gone, the animal within taking over his very senses, as he stepped onto the sofa chair, placing her back to the wall. She smiled, knowing very well that being fucked against a wall, let alone halfway up a wall, was something that she’d mentioned upon her previous visit. He was, after all, more than willing and strong enough to pacify every one of her desires.

His hips moved away from hers, allowing her hand just enough room to adjust him, ever so slightly, as she raised herself to place him inside of her. As she moved over him, he again growled, knowing that she had him from the very moment they’d met. The need, marginally sated. The want, increasing as she felt all of him.

With a flash of memory, as his thoughts momentarily pushed aside his animalistic state, his mind filled with images of the very moment they’d met. Years previous, in Rome, they’d noticed each other upon a small midnight boat trip. He seemed to be within his own world to notice her, brooding as usual, to which she had decided to have a little wine to work through to her adventurous side. All it took was a small word and, all at once, he’d looked at her in such a way that made her legs weak and her cheeks blush. She’d never experienced such a first look. Or second. Or third. The depth behind those eyes captured her in a way that was unknown and, eventually, she had found out why.

She felt him move within her, thirsty, thrusting up and down, until he probably reminded himself that there was no need to rush. He slowed his vigour, his very need subsiding to a more normal rhythm. Their lips had barely stopped moving against each other until this very second. His energy seemed to encompass her, with every single inch of his skin feeling like silk against her very touch.

They both smiled, knowing, understanding, that some things were always meant to be inevitable between two people. No compromises, no regrets, no other requirements other than to feel each other over, as well as under, each other again and again. As the rhythm slowed, she started to gently press her lower stomach against his, finding, searching, wanting what she needed from him. He joined her in her search, as his movements become slower, controlled, pressing himself against her.

He knew what she really wanted and, for the second time since they’d met, he needed to taste her as much as she needed to be tasted. The pressure grew within her, her legs starting to shake ever so slightly, as his concentrated movements pleased her inner need. He knew that he shouldn’t, that it was against his every wish, but he needed her more than he’d ever wish to acknowledge.

Her lips opened, the moans sounding within his ears, as she gave in to his carnal desire. He allowed the moment. He permitted her to encompass his thoughts and, once again, he would digress from the stable path of life. His head moved back, his body flexing every single muscle possible, as her desire grew at the very thought of the impending moment. Her eyes opened, her body letting go of all restrictions as she came over his pressured movements.

As he heard her moans of pleasure, the quickened moment hastened his transformation and, as his canine teeth enlarged and lowered by a few millimetres, he growled more and more. He was finally free, again, to take as he wished. He looked into her beautiful, tempting eyes and she, trusting his next actions, witnessed his very eyes becoming the colour of pure darkness. He had held a King’s crown within his blood-soaked hands. He had sobbed uncontrollably upon the very days, the loves of his lives passed away within his very arms. He would, upon this very day and moment, break his own cardinal rule to escape his lifetime’s torture of being all but solitary.

He moved forward and bit her neck, piercing her skin as she felt her very blood spurt out from within her body. His thrusts became rampant, needing her to the point of abandoned restrictions. She held onto him as hard as she could as he growled over and over again, filling himself with her life blood, as he, at the same time, came within her with such force that she could feel every single inch moving.

She, once again, exploded over him as the pacified pain met her every thought. Fucked from one end and fed upon, from the other. She’d never known any man within her life to want her as much as he, truly and obviously, wanted her. Her entire body shook as the convulsions spread throughout. She could feel his lips sucking the blood from her very body, tasting her, washing himself with her very life.

As her mind regained a semblance of sanity through the pain and pleasure, she asked the question again, begging him, pleading with him, to make them one,

“Please, just do it! You know why!”

He stopped feasting upon her blood, her neck, as his lips lifted themselves from her. Gently, he removed himself from her neck, licking a splattering of blood as his eyes moved to face hers.

His entire jaw, covered in her blood, made her soul seemingly shiver, as her desire grew that little bit more. She could see that he was conflicted, his animal side fully in control, as his rational mind tried to fight through the haze, to find some semblance of sanity. He growled a little, realising that it made sense and yet, as he knew, the results of such a moment would last forever.

“I… you know the consequences!”

She nodded her head, placing a hand to the side of his face,

“I know. I do!”

He growled again, his thoughts shattered, as he once more, began a small transformation. She knew the ramifications of what was about to happen, but a lifetime with this very man was what she wanted. Her life would, literally, be within his hands. If he died, she would die.

She watched as another smaller set of canine teeth moved from within his gum line. It hurt him, the pain expressed across his face, knowing very well that he’d only ever been here once before in his entire life. He looked at her, ready, tentatively willing to give in to both of their needs, wants and soul desires.

“So be it!” he said, with the certainty expressed within his words. The final moment was upon the both of them as he, once again, devoured the side of her neck. The pathogen, released from within him, would take but seconds to infect her body. He moved his mouth away from her, as she started to convulse uncontrollably. Her heart, with her chest, expanded ever so slightly until, suddenly, it stopped.

He moved from the wall, stepping down from the chair, holding her against him. Her decision, final, as his soul searched for remorse. He found none, the ultimate choice belonging to her, with every single detail being offered over and over again before this night. Her eyes screamed in pain, as his own eyes betrayed his inner disappointed thoughts. The curse of his world would now, as well as forever, be hers to hold. The last breath left her body, as the life within her eyes faltered. He held her head and pressed his cheek to hers, the fear within appearing through his thinly veiled wall of solitude, denial and acceptance. There was always the chance that she wouldn’t survive the transformation but that, as he knew, might have been a blessing for her. An eternity alone, a peace within his soul, aroused by her very nature and form. No man could ever deny the need to stand beside another, no matter the cost of their pride, presumption and idiotic denial.

Seconds flittered away, the silence deafening, as he kept the moments of panic at bay. Her heart no longer required, while her body transforming into something new. From the silence, he heard a brief murmur as she returned to him. Not quite alive, but nowhere near death. He moved his cheek from hers, his relief obvious and, as she smiled, he returned her smile. He would curse his decision, bemoan his selfish inclination, but the truth of the words within his combined heart and soul, would be that some people were meant to be together.

“For Eternity, you said?”

“I did. For Eternity!”



Friday, 2 April 2021

Miracle

Sandra opened her eyes, the groggy feeling immediately making her feel sick as well as disorientated. Immediately, as the ceiling started to focus into view, she heard the soft beeping of the medical machines around her. She’d seen the inside of many a hospital, so this wasn’t an immediate shock, especially as the last two times she’d managed to wake she’d been within a similar room. She blinked a few times, asking the fog within her mind to move away or, even, vanish altogether.

Pressing her hands onto the bed, she ever so slowly moved backwards onto the pillow. Her body felt stiff, as the tightness around her chest stopped her movements. To her side, sat a card with words written in red ink. The words simply said, ‘Dear Leftie’.

She reached across and gently picked up the card. She knew it was from him, her beloved ‘Rightie’. Slowly, she turned the card and lifted the flap. She removed the folded paper, unfolded it and turned to see the words. She started to read, knowing that she’d soon find out what had happened.

Dear Leftie,

Right now, you’re probably more than a little confused. I would be, but rest assured that I’m closer than you realise. I’m there with you right now, today and always. Maybe not fully in body, but in spirit and helping you each and every single day.

I hope that you’re okay, that your body is being kind to you, as over the last few days you’ve been through so much and you probably won’t ever know exactly what happened. Instead of giving you all of the details, which I’ll leave to others, I’m here to complete my life’s work. I’m here to give you the last two miracles that I said I would.

Miracle 1:

I know you remember ‘that’ day. I said that I’d perform three miracles for you, while we’re together or, even, apart. I usually stick by my word and upon the same day I stated my idea, I actually performed the first miracle of the three. Your face was a picture.

I kind of knew what I had in mind for two of the miracles, but upon the day you read this, you’ll realise that there has been three. Just to remind you, as I often do, I grabbed your water and ran off. With a giant smile, I returned with wine. Miracle number one was turning water into wine. The ultimate cheese filled miracle that only a woman like yourself would love and, speaking of love, we knew that we were right for each other from that very moment.

Miracle 2:

This miracle would be the hardest miracle that I’ve ever accomplished within my entire life. It will cause pain, tears and anguish, but eventually understanding will appear and you’ll hopefully accept my act for what it was… love. I love you with all of my heart and because of that, because I know that you will live on and bring life into the world, I’ve given you, literally, my heart. My heart beats slower than yours, which will hopefully bring you more time, more life, more moments to share as you move forward in the world. I know that you’ll be confused, but I will always be a part of you from this point forward. There was a choice, there were few options and I, unashamedly, chose to give my life for yours. This was miracle number 2. My life would have little meaning without you, so I chose, right or wrong, to always be a part of you.

Miracle 3:

When I met you, you had lost faith in the very meaning of the word, ‘love’. There are men that can make you laugh, there are men that can make you smile and there are men that will understand every single second of your life. Especially what you’ve been through. There are men that will hold your hand and weather any storm, instead of taking the easiest road away from the hard times. I’m the reminder, the person that chose to stand next to you through hell and high waters. You’re the reason why my own faith was restored. Standing next to you made me the proudest person alive. I had a reason to live and a reason, to leave. We can find a thousand reasons as to why we should die for someone, but you were the one reason for living. Please excuse my painful exit from your life, but as you know, I had to ensure that you stayed around for me to complete my miracles. This was Miracle 3. We both believed in something more than our single, solitary existence.

A bonus miracle would be for keeping my word.

Please promise me that you’ll not cry for too long. Please promise me that you will move forward with your life. I’m with you each step of the way. Each beat is for you. Each time you close your eyes you can hear me moving you forward. Please, promise me that you won’t break my heart. You are the only miracle that I’ve ever wanted, and I am more than I’ll ever be, when I’m with me.

You are my miracle.

Love, my heart, always.

P.s. Lefties and Righties together, forever, holding each other steady.


Sandra closed her eyes, knowing exactly what had happened. The pain within her soul ached for him. The understanding within knew what type of person he was and although it did hurt beyond any words or comprehension, she accepted the miracles. He kept his promise and that alone, was the best miracle she could ever have wished for.