Tuesday, 29 December 2020


She sat next to the upstairs window, watching, viewing, feeling her emotions spike. Threatening her calm. Her impulsive measures, tried to apply themselves, as her thoughts exploded within her mind. She could feel her anxiety rise within her heart and, at that point, her eyes betrayed the sadness within.

If she could reach out, breaking through the window to embrace him, she truly, honestly, would. As her hand gently found the window in front of her, she felt the cold glass press its vacant feelings towards her skin. The moment, embracing, the notion, uncaring. She would scream, she’d shout, but she couldn’t as her voice could hardly even muster a murmur. She was, if she were to be honest, frozen in place.

She loved him, like no other individual upon the god forsaken world. She knew so many people, held their hands, heard their words, but they were seconds within her life of dreams and wonder. She watched as he opened the car door, as he looked back for a brief number of seconds, as his head fell and his gaze moved away from the house. From her eyes.

Slowly, the blurred motion of the moment burnt the memory into her mind. She wondered, she chastised, her heart wishing to blame herself for the situation. She could have said something, anything, but tiny voices were often so miss-understood or ignored. Helpless, void of control, with her thoughts even struggling to perceive the eventful events that had taken place.

The arguments, the shouting, the trauma of hearing their love fade into obscurity were all there. Within her memory. Her thoughts. Her being. Her eyes closed, tears forming from each, painful, word spoken, exclaimed, thrown forward and heard.

Her Mother and Father had split. Finally. Maybe. Possibly. He’d come back, try to make things better, but something was wrong, and words didn’t seem to fix anything. She was the middle ground, the person that just wanted things to remain calm. Even at her age, she knew that stability was essential. No screaming, no slamming of doors, no manipulation, or under-handed comments. She’d heard every second of their escapade of self-indulgence. To her small ears, it almost seemed like they actually enjoyed the drama. The play. The up and then inevitable down.

She moved away from the window, her head down, tears moving along her small face. She believed, she wanted wishes to be truth, but love didn’t seem to be the same as the many movies portrayed. It wasn’t a happy ever after, the romance and roses of two hearts becoming the one. She wanted to hold the both of them, together, forever, until the smiles returned. The loving words, the small kisses, the holding of a heart filled hand and the days of adventure.

She curled into a ball, on her bed, as her tears continued. She’d survive, she knew she would, with the wise head upon young shoulders being brought into the adult world a little too early. She understood most events. She’d read the forums, the adult places where the sadness of the many lurked. She realised that people simply did not resolve their problems.

Holding her pillow, a little tighter, she wondered how this would change her. She asked herself if she would also be damaged, but the small little voice within asked her to believe. She wanted to believe. Life was not perfect. Life was that jigsaw puzzle with that one missing piece. Almost perfect, fitting together with thought and precious work.

Rubbing her right eye, she caught sight of the family photo, upon the side dresser. The three of them, together, the three of them smiling upon a beautiful day. She held her hand out, trying to reach the picture as the tears appeared faster than before. It hurt, it burned her heart to pieces, thinking that they’d never be the same again.

Her tears slowed, the realisation settling into her mind, as two unhappy individuals were better off apart. They’d find new people; they’d settle and smile again. She’d smile again. Eventually. Just… not today, not on this day, despite still believing in that forever fairy tale of youth.

Wednesday, 16 December 2020


I heard you say the words, softly speaking just as my world faded into the dreams of sleep. I heard all the words and my heart, suddenly, fruitfully, started to beat with a new rhythm. I know what they say about words, the cheap nature of the spoken tongue, but that’s perfectly fine as your actions speak far, far louder. 

I’m a believer, despite the outward charm and aloof behaviour. My heart is alive, living, throbbing and wishing to escape. It is covered in gold and that is why it’s so very, very difficult to embrace. It’s protected by the finest truths, the fabled chants and incantations. Who knew, who realised, that you would be that enchantress.

I mention the magical arts as if they realistically exist. I’m an optimist, a believer, with two feet firmly planted to the ground. I can let my imagination run riot, to fly as high as the very sky, but then return to have the deepest, most meaningful conversation you’ve ever heard. That is, of course, if I bite.

I’m light, I’m abstract, with the surface showing but a laugh and a smile. Small talk be damned, the learned lessons of easy life and shallow interaction. Come at me, come for me, let’s set the world alight and damn the very souls of the many wanderers.

I smile, just a little, my dream world embracing my thoughts. I grasp, I hold, but it’s too late. I’m slipping, falling, moving from this location to the imaginary.

I heard you, easily speaking as my world grasps the dreams of rest. I heard you say that you loved me. I heard the words stating that you needed me. That’s okay, that’s the beauty of two and, for once, I believe every single word.


Thursday, 10 December 2020


Daniel felt the soft sofa against his back, as he blinked a few times, clearing his eyes of any images that were still vying for his interest. He’d pulled out the extra little section that had turned into a bed and now, right at that second, he felt the calm flow over him.

Her head, resting against his chest, remained exactly in place as he finally allowed himself permission to relax. It had taken a few days, but she was finally next to him, with her leg across his waist, along with one of her arms holding him. She felt absolutely amazing.

His breathing slowed, the calm finding him, as his mind expunged all thoughts as well as feelings. He simply, finally, just wished to relax and, more importantly, to feel her in a way that might not seem normal to many. He listened, he felt, as he allowed himself to remain open to her.

As the seconds escaped through the silence and calm, he smiled. Just a little. He allowed himself to actually feel the moment instead of being some kind of emotional tyrant. He seldom allowed his emotions freedom, as they bubbled beneath the surface, but upon this one occasion he really wished to be free. He felt the calm. He witnessed the all-encompassing clarity of the unbelievable silence between them. Neither a word spoken, in the last few minutes, yet the moment was saying more than he could ever imagine.

He listened to her breathing, the silence amazing him. She flowed gently in and out as her breath escaped and entered her. It was beautiful, as their breathing attempted to match. His breathing, longer than hers, with the depth of life joining the both of them.

He’d never, ever, in his entire life, felt as calm as he felt at that very second. His mind flared, baffled at such a moment being real, as he reminded himself to simply ease his thoughts to enjoy the moment. Her energy was, to put it simply, beautiful. He had a knack, a feeling, a realisation from a lifetime of experience, as well as mistakes, of knowing when someone, or something, wasn’t quite right. In all his moments, this was the very first time that he had felt a complete and utter calm from another.

He’d spent months, weeks, minutes, calming his own inner monologue, to a point where his very soul could remain quiet amongst the turmoil of the lives around him. He could literally stand amongst the many, and emotionally feel people. He knew that every person had an energy about them, but the day-to-day turmoil and strife of life often damaged that energy. He didn’t wish to embrace a cold heart, or even a closed heart, despite his own healthily erected maze-like vestibules. He wasn’t complicated, he simply wasn’t open to connecting to anyone that didn’t seem right. He’d share, he’d explore, he’d give, but taking wasn’t his strong point.

She squeezed his pec, adjusting her head slightly as his mind drifted to the peace surrounding him. In his mind, it was almost like they were one. He hardly knew her, had only spent a small amount of time speaking with her, yet there was no rush or heavy weighted desire to jump into bed, or explore the hideous years of pain, anguish, solitude or any other prescribed measure of oddly presented bonding. She, simply, was. She, right at that moment, had connected with him in such a way that he’d previously wished would exist.

He knew that a soul, a heart, or whatever scientific measurement placed our entire being within the context of our mind, could accomplish far more than it knew what to do. Untrained, uncivilised, the knowledge simply being out of reach, yet within a moment such as this, he could feel the energy flowing between them. He would almost call it magic, but that was for fairy tales and unicorns. He’d witnessed the energy transference from emotional vampires, but nothing quite like this positive moment.

His smile increased, his mind letting go of his thoughts. He was drifting, becoming, traversing towards a new path that he was fully willing to explore. This was beyond anything he had known before, or ideally recalled at a moment’s notice. This was freedom, the true way that two people that cared, should bond with each other.