Friday 16 September 2022

Thirty

Thirty days. Thirty days is all it takes.

Over the last twenty-nine days, we’ve experienced joy, wonder, excitement, fun and far, far more. We’ve had smile filled adventures, mildly planned for the future, and expressed so much to each other. It’s been wild, silly, filled with laughter and the wonder of two people that really, really do like each other.

On the thirtieth day, I did something wrong. Nothing that bad, nothing to annoy the neighbours, scare the dogs or wake the dead. It was an event, a moment, that could have been overlooked or, even, discussed and worked upon. For every eventuality, there’s options, solutions and forward paths.

Upon that day, your mind started to play the usual games. The devaluation. The worry. The thoughts forming scenarios within your mind. It won’t work, it’s never going to happen, it’s over and now, just now, you’re looking for a way out. It matters not that the same circular scenario has played out again and again in our lives, as we often don’t realise that ‘we’re’ also the one with the issue(s), repeating and playing around within our minds. I know, as I’ve been there and resolved. It is a never-ending journey of realisation and healing. We all have issues and, if we’re aware, we can resolve them.

It escalates within you; it then escalates around you. Growing. Placing roots, despite your other thoughts trying to move the ship away from the storm bashed rocks. This shouldn’t be a shipwreck. You distance yourself, hurting the other person on purpose, asking them to bridge the gap that they, often, don’t even realise exists.  This wouldn’t be a total loss if, maybe, upon a sun filled day, we evaluated and communicated our fears and follies.

Instead, we ruminate, procrastinate, devaluate and cast aside something or someone that offers us such affection, that the angels themselves shake their heads in disbelief. I’ve been here, there, on both sides, so I’m no angel. I understand or, at least, I do once I’m far, far over on the other side. It’s now, as well as forever, too late. You’ve become nasty, the spite filled words affording the other person confusion, as they retreat within themselves.

Upon the thirtieth day, we seemingly forget the previous twenty-nine days. We disavow the moments, the kisses, the sordid promises made within the darkness of emotion, choosing, instead, to escape to the green grass of freedom. Selected solitary confinement, chosen away from the wilds of being cared for. Such an easy decision, for a society filled with vapid options. We then quickly embrace another, to escape the hollow feeling, the odd behavioural nature of a child trapped within. We cast aside the person that loves us, to be with another to fulfil our selfish pain and suffering. The scales, however, never balance upon such an action. What once was, no longer required to fill the never-ending void of empty feelings. The discarded person, perpetually looking for rescue, with no sea faring vessel within view, struggles. The arms of another not being an option, to such a crippled individual. The only option, being learning and development. The leaving party, resolves themselves to simply having fun until the ramifications appear within their emotions. Still, as mentioned, too late for a reprieve, as we have to first become 'better' versions of ourselves.

Eventually, one day within another range of thirty, we look back upon what we could have had. We look back to see what we let go of. It’s too late. It’s done. Despite the twenty-nine days of wealth, prosperity, abundance and gratitude for wishes fulfilled, we allow our insecurities and past traumas to rule our worlds. It is a shame, it is a baseless wish, for people to fix and fulfil themselves before destroying another. We seldom embrace the fixing of oneself, until we ourselves, are abandoned. The abandoner remains to commit the same mistakes, as well as sins, again and again whilst pointing the finger to others. The selfish nature of a trapped child revolving around and around. However, there should be no blame in a game that involves two. Or maybe, even three.

Our egos cannot ‘possibly’ commit a wrong upon another, when that same said ego believes that we are the wronged. We believe that we simply cannot find the correct person to love us, yet, right in front of us, stands a person that would build a veritable castle upon the words of our name. It is the way of the world. It is natural, the nature of things, with the circus performing the same dance again and again. We are all broken and yet, once cast aside, we grasp the eventual opportunity to gather wealth to our knowledge. It is unfortunate, that another has the moment to hold a better version, instead of becoming better for the person we once wished to love. We are unknowing, until we’re forced to know. We are without, until we reach within.

Maybe, just maybe, we’ll one day manage to reach the thirty first day and then, we can hold a hand forever or, at least, tell no lies when wishing for something more. Thirty days simply isn’t enough, for someone that has no intentions of actually trying to reach the thirty first day.



(So many people having relationship issues, or splitting, lately!)



Imagination

We live within a world that is less than perfect. We see poverty, misunderstandings, greed, pestilence and more. It’s a shame, a travesty, a concoction of reaching for a position of unfathomable betterment and improvement. We’re often side-tracked by life, by situations, overwhelming our senses and thought processes.

Personally, as a child, I knew that I had an amazing imagination. It kept me company upon many a trip, sitting in a truck, waiting for hours on end or watching the motorway miles vanish before my eyes. I imagined that I could fly, whispering through the clouds at unimaginable speeds. I would run, feel the earth leave my feet and I would flow into the air like the mightiest bird. I dreamed of innocence. The thoughts of a young child.

Now that I’ve grown, again and again, often via forced situations and pain, I’m once again turning to my imagination. For years, I’ve stayed static. The inner voice, be it my heart, soul or mind, remained quiet and I obviously thought that I’d found a place of solace. A reprieve from the previous days, where my mind would castigate my actions again and again. If your inner mind is quiet, you have truly reached a place of safety.

Unfortunately, this often does not last. To be a quiet soul, means that you eventually wish to invite another into that space. The inevitable is just that. My mind is no longer quiet and, my space is, once again, solitary.

Like a child or, a teenager that’s been freed from a prison, I once again wish to use my imagination. Every thought within my mind, or maybe even my heart space, changes my energy, my world and my day-to-day life. If you’re negative, then that energy ‘will’ flow from your body into the world. If you’re happy, it will show upon your lips, eyes and flow. It’s difficult, it’s arduous, to take control of your thoughts. They command you. They can berate you. They can override all the smiles and words you speak upon a given day.

No more. I’m trying. We should try. Change your thoughts. Be polite to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You’re sensitive or, possibly, blocked due to your life’s arduous tasks. It will be okay. There are no problems, only solutions. There should always be a path, if you allow the path to exist. No, I’m not going crazy, as I believe that life is what you make it and no-one else is responsible for your life, or situations, but yourself (within reason).

Imagine a better world. Imagine that specific person being nice to you. Imagine holding the hand of the person you love, have lost, may never see again and wish them well. Send the positive motives into the void and raise yourself to a preferred space. Every single breath, is energy. Every exhalation, another chance to reduce your stress and over-thinking. To feel, is to become. To imagine, is to dream. We, you, I, us, together, can change the world. Think big, think the small thoughts, smile when everyone is looking and move through a room like you’re glowing.

Even when your pride has been crushed, even if your ego has been shattered, even when your self-esteem has been reduced to a pile of wounded tears, stand up, turn up, glow up and use your imagination to become more. What you think, is what you become. If you believe that a person will do something that makes you mad, then your own actions and thoughts can ensure that it happens. It’s an odd set of situations.

I’m trying to imagine, to use my imagination to create a better world for myself. I’m taking my energy, my thoughts, to form them into something that overrides the negative spaces within my heart. It’s taking time, but each day is a new day and upon every new day, we can bravely smile, accept ourselves and use our imagination to form a new person.  You truly, honestly, are what you think. They often say that you are what you eat, which is often accepted without question, so it’s obvious that your thoughts ‘are’ you.

I’m waking up to a new way of thinking and, if I’m honest, it’s quite a change. No matter what someone takes from you, no matter how you’re treated, no matter where you are, no matter the circumstance or situation, no-one can ever take away your imagination. Use it. Enjoy it. Embrace it and become something new with your given power. I’ll see you there, with a smile.

Am

It’s taken a very, very long time but, finally, I truly hope that I’ve realised what I am. That’s it, that’s the answer right there… ‘I am’.

It seems so simple, so easy, yet there’s a radical shift that has to take place within your mind before you ‘truly’ understand. Actually, let’s remove the word, ‘understand’, to replace it with, ‘believe’. We know what we are, or, so we think.

Over my life, I’ve experienced a couple of odd situations, circumstances, that made me sit back and smile. I won’t dive into them, as they’re for me to cherish and for you to find your own situations and experiences. When I refer to, ‘I am’, I point towards a specific way of thinking.

Have you ever wondered why relationships end, your weight never drops, or you seemingly run into bad luck? Personally, I have a strong mind and, thankfully, I’ve often been upon the path of understanding without realistically appreciating the full ramifications of the situation(s).

If you believe that someone will leave you, they will. You will, always, almost certainly, manifest your thoughts into the real world. It is inevitable. If you ‘think’ that someone will never change, you will grasp every ounce of whatever situation resolves your thinking into being. We, us, ourselves, are our worst, best enemies. Being secure in our thinking is paramount. It is absolutely everything.

Know your worth. We tell ourselves a story upon each given day. We’re not good enough, we do not deserve to be happy, we often end up in the same relationships/situations etc. No, sorry, you’re (possibly) wrong. We’re (possibly) wrong. We bring our thoughts to life. There are no problems, only solutions. There is no search, other than to ask for the very map to which we find salvation. “Why does this always happen to me?” Well, it’s because we often ‘make’ it happen. We can destroy such amazing situations, then blame the other person. Sure, no-one is realistically blame free.

Yeah, I know, it all sounds dream filled and magical. Let’s suggest that every thought has an energy to it, a life, a purpose. If you think a thought, you will ‘eventually’ believe that thought. We are a race of individuals that ‘must’ be right at every turn. “I knew that it wouldn’t work!”  Yes, I know, it wouldn’t work as your thoughts made it so. Thoughts within our mind should be expressed, especially when they’re damaging. Person A will see you one way, with person B seeing you a different way. You are still the same person, but our experiences, regrets, loves, losses, failures, scars and reasoning make the difference.  

I won’t lie. It takes a radical shift and, being honest, a change of thinking along with your perception of the world. The world is energy. It will always be energy. Sound is created by energy. A touch requires energy. To break a heart requires energy. To heal a heart, even more.

Your inner dialogue, from your conscious mind, controls your subconscious thoughts. What you think, is what you will be. Your body means nothing, when all is said and done, with your mind ravaging your energy and life. It’s taken a long, long time for me to reach this place and, above all, I’m thankful. Sure, it’s going to take further time, before I grasp my mind to change the ‘old’ stories. I no longer wish to see the world from whatever platform I sat upon. I know, I’m more grounded than I’ve ever been, but there’s still scars to bypass. Wait… no, I’m already far further than the scars, left upon my person. I’ve visualised a new person. I’ve seen the end of the race. It ‘felt’ amazing. It’s here, now, within me. From within, your form is created. Why waste time feeling bad? Believe. Become what you believe by changing your thoughts.  “It’s hopeless!”  Yes, it is, if you keep ‘saying’ it’s hopeless.

Believe. You, just you, are the most complete version of yourself (if you believe). Deny the voice within. Stall the never-ending dialogue that tells you that A is B. It isn’t. Explore. Talk Communicate. Explain. Resolve. It’s easier than we believe. Once you’re complete, become complete again and again. Learn. Achieve. Embrace knowledge and understanding. Do NOT let your conscious mind control your world. It will and can destroy everything. After all…

I am.