Convicted

I admit it. I accept the consequences and liability for all my actions. Proof or no proof, it’s all there in the black, the white and ever so glorious grey. I’m a sinner, that sin, that thing, that I cannot and may never ever and will not, manage to overcome. Place me in chains, chastise and bless my soul, as there’s nothing, me, myself and the eye of the onlooker can change.

Take me to your river, wash away my sins and after that, I’ll just return and do it all again. Ladies and gentlemen, or whatever you’re known as today, you’re free to be whatever you like but I, as I’ve said, have sin written into the very core of my fingertips and ever vibrant lips. It’s exclusively for all, no refunds or replacements.

I’ve been deaf to the proceedings, to all this subjective proof placed at my very feet, but that’s okay as I’m exceedingly aware of my wrong doings. Lock me up, stop the inflection of my days and I’ll embrace a new path. I’ll become a preacher, a man of solace and retrospect, the ablutions of my mental state and wealth of person becoming all that wakens me. Or, be whatever it may, give me a loaded gun and I’ll end the sentence for you all, on this very day.

I can tell that the judge, jury and executioner have all resolved their differences of opinion. No matter which grace filled words I’ve expressed, you’ve seen behind the wealth of behaviour and the hidden layers and masks used to show my repentant desires. I couldn’t help myself, the beauty of another swaying the votes towards the only outcome. I’ve loved, lost, been forgotten and given my very soul before reaching this very moment.

The arbitration failed, the asylum of my mind becoming bankrupt within the world. There’s no longer any chance of a delay for these proceedings, so convict me, shackle my body and throw away the keys.  I kissed the lips of temptation and spoke words of such fever, waiting for the direction of any furore to keep me awake at night. Blame me, shame me, shout your words and stare at me, as long as you’re aware of your options.

I swear to tell the truth, nothing but whatever you’d like to hear, with my affidavit standing for this test of time. I’m a sinner, an adherent of such moments, as this is what I was born to do. You can all sit on your fancy chairs, passing judgement, all based on tails and fails from my presented life. You’ll never know the real me, exposed, open, vulnerable, as that’s for me to know and for you to never find out. I didn’t manufacture myself, as I was moulded, sculptured, by the actions and tribulations of others. The actions and factions being understood, accepted and, eventually adapted to.

This is the moment, that final verdict, where you all look at the floor as a singular person brandishes the verdict. The many following the few. The weak being willed by the strong. It’s take or be taken in this world. It’s hold or be withheld. Forgive me, belittle me, but I’ve done what I’ve done from the very instinct written into my soul. I desire, I need, I wish and I most certainly want. No matter the outcome, even if the deserved punishment is for but one of my fails, I will still be vanquished for even the things that I’ve never even whispered of. Such is the way of the world; such is the cruel twist of fateful reverence.

I’ll stand tall, I’ll hold my head up as high as I can, knowing my own sins and consequences as clear as a sun filled day. Say it, talk, exclaim your preference and let it be known. I read their faces, each and every single one of them, as I’m adept at such measures. I’ve known such emotion that even the most stern person can no longer hide their inner monologue. I’ve heard it all, when it comes to the heart and soul of a person, despite often ignoring my own messages. I smile, a little coy, wicked, naughty smile. I can change. I can become something else but today, on this very day, I think not. I’m a convicted sinner, I’ve been blessed with a gift, a balance within, that allows such gloriously, spontaneous, beautiful and embracing… sin.

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