Glass

Upon a day, be it planned or not, each of us is born into the world kicking, screaming, crying or in silence. We learn, we adapt, we adopt the way of things and grow forward whilst spending so much time looking back. We become something, the other, what we are, and can even envision what we’ll be. We follow the trends, to be liked, to be seen, even though we will always be individuals. We are often followers, that wish to be followed.

Then, upon another day, we start to rise within the world. We form pedestals to stand upon but in this case, I’d like to suggest that we form glass platforms.  Upon these platforms of formed glass, we stand tall. We look across the world, our world, like bastions of pure invincibility and grandeur. We know all, we supposedly see all, proud and stoic. We are, amongst many offered names, the wide-eyed, mostly happy, beings of faith, hope, love and most certainly, ego.

Another platform forms, be it a new job, a new partner, a new set of adventures and more. Whatever our egos decide to place value around, we can stand upon. Fierce, fire filled eyes, the very energy within slashing out into the void without a care in the world. We are, supposedly, everything.

Upon another day, something happens. The new relationship fails, two egos clashing, unable to find a balance and the abundance faulters, fails, and you’re cast aside. You fall. For the very first time, you fall so very, very hard. The glass platform beneath your feet, the sturdy construction formed from your egoic thoughts, feelings and soul enaction, cracks and splits. You fall. You fail. You land upon the platform directly below.

You clamber, you grasp, you grab at any platform that you can find. Friends, family, social media, as the moments within your mind threaten to break the very body that holds you so close within. You, eventually, find the platform that you desire, a place that feeds you, the ego energised once again. Be it another individual, another lover, your pedestal of glass confirmed, cemented, and anodised into your life. You save your ego, your emotions and, thankfully, can ignore the thoughts that chip away at your stability. You decide within, that you’d rather not face any of the consequences, actions or circumstance.

You’re stable, again. The cracks beneath your feet, ignored. The trembling within your heart, pushed aside. The memories held within the heart’s mind, ignored, despite the movies and plays repeating over and over again. So much to say, so much left unsaid. It’s all okay, it’s all perfectly fine, as you realise that if you smile long enough, you’ll believe all the lies you tell yourself when the darkness caresses you at night.

Another day, upon another moment, your Mother, your Father, your best friend, your loved acquaintance, leaves the world. The platform that you find yourself standing upon, once again, cracks and you tumble. Finally, truthfully, you reach the bottom of your world, and no further platforms support you. Your head hits the dirt, the realism of life, as your hands bear the cuts and bruises of your mind’s actions.

You look above, you lift your head, to see further glass bastions of hope, love and truth. You would reach, you would grasp, but deep inside, you realise that none of them truly, honesty, afford you rescue from the solitude you feel so very deep inside the depths of your very person. You are, alone. You are, abandoned. You are, nothing but your very thoughts. No action, no moment, can save you when the critically formed platforms of your life descend, crack, and wither away to dust.

Darkness appears, as you close your eyes, whispering, wishing, wondering, as you wipe away the tears from your outer skin. It’s only you, just you, in the darkness. This, this place, is the most vulnerable, lonely, vacant, exploratory space you can ever imagine. It’s real. It cannot be ignored. It’s all you have. It’s all you’ve ever had and ignored. No school teaches you of these moments.

You breath in, holding the breath, exhaling ever so slowly as you grasp the happenstance of the seconds. Yesterday haunts you, tomorrow is but a thought, with ‘now’ being the very essence of your escape. Your fingers dig into the dirt, as your senses smell the air around you. This is what you are, in the dark, within the silence. You realise, suddenly, that the world outside of you is but a mirror of your imagination. The platforms supporting you, previously, were all based on false notions.

You smile, you whisper further thoughts, as you attempt to stand. You abandon your earthly body as you, instead, simply imagine your two feet standing upon the world. You imagine the wealth, the very scale, of what you’d like to accomplish, and at that moment, the remaining platforms descend towards you. Some crack. Some break. Some vanish.

Finally, you open your eyes. Around you are friends, remaining family, acquaintances, and so much valuable energy. You embrace all of it and, at the same time, you let all of it go. You let it escape the meanings that you’ve assigned. You are renewed. For a moment, your ego asks you to step forward, to balance yourself upon a new platform of your making but, instead, you smile another smile as you realise, as you finally understand after so many years, that you simply no longer require any platforms to stand upon. Especially, platforms made of glass.

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