Artery

Daniel looked out of the window, exhaling softly, moving himself ever so slightly to gather comfort from the soft pillow behind his head. Emotionally, maybe even physically, it hurt, from every corner of his mind, it hurt so very much. He blinked twice, possibly wondering that if he did so, it would change anything within his soul. It wouldn’t, it shouldn’t, as it couldn’t possibly do so.

All of his misdemeanours, committed crimes and worse, continued to haunt his thoughts. He truly thought that an eye for an eye was the current climate of his life. He’d treated people to untruths, white lies and more, over his many years and now, maybe his karma had finally arrived. It mattered not that he’d suffered over and over again, when it came to relationships. This was, after all, his script, his play, his inner worth and more at work. He held the pages and he’d written the stories for others to enact. He knew that if his own self worth wasn’t where it should be, his energy would reflect such a state. The actors, within his play, enacting their parts with aplomb.

He felt his emotions stir, memories returning once again to haunt his waking slumber, as two tears moved from either eye. The warm, wet emotions, falling around either side of his face. He knew that both tears were, if he embraced honesty, pure, innocent, deep pain, falling away from his very soul. He knew that he’d soon, very soon, no longer cry but until then, it still all seemed so difficult.

He was a man. A male. A person that wasn’t supposed to feel or, at least, suffer in such ways. His support structure, small, his independence, the only thing he seemed to cherish. He wanted to scream, shout, thrash about within his bed, but that wouldn’t be sensible as his energy levels had, once again, reached the same old low. Night after night, month following month, the broken sleep slowly grinding him down.

He looked up to the stars and, as he stretched out his arm, his hand reaching towards some imaginary salvation, he opened his imagination. In front of him, appeared a glowing image. He focused through his tear-filled eyes, slowly, gradually, as an actual angel appeared within his view. Daniel’s eyes widened at such a fabricated image but, seeing as he’d created such a moment, he embraced his thoughts.

The angel smiled the warmest, most tender smile he’d ever seen.

“What’s wrong?” asked the angel, as Daniel’s heart seemed to glow within his chest.

“I have a broken heart,” he stated, with cracked words, as more tears arrived to his eyes, “her emotional attraction simply fell and I wasn’t enough. Whatever I am, however I was, no longer what she wanted!”

The angel smiled, as she replied,

“My child. Hasn’t this event made you a smarter, more knowledgeable, more repentant angel? Your ego has been reset. Your self-esteem has levelled and, above all, you’re reaching within to find salvation! A new path awaits you, no matter who follows alongside or holds your hand!”

Daniel smiled a difficult smile, not able to reject the Angel’s words. Instead, he nodded.

The Angel, leaning forward, reached inside of her own chest. “I shall help you!”

After removing her fingers from within her chest, she held out her hand and, within that hand, rested a glowing aorta, the largest artery within the human body. She slowly, carefully, reached into Daniel’s chest and replaced his artery with hers.

“Now, you have a filter,” she said,  “Whatever your mind thinks, will be filtered before it reaches your heart and, through that, you will allow yourself some space, a little more time, to think clearly with your heart! What will be, will be just that. You own your own life, your own script. The 3D is yours to command!”

Daniel smiled, his tears increasing, as he felt the glow from within his chest. He could feel his heart, beating, thinking, becoming something pure and calm. He looked towards the Angel, into her eyes, never quite imagining that he’d feel something such as this. Upon the earth, the realisation that heaven could exist, within each of us.

He closed his eyes, for the briefest of seconds, opening them to daylight and a new day. His hand quickly shot to his chest, holding, feeling, wondering if it was only a dream. He closed his eyes, listened, knowing, that at times of such struggle, angels would, could and should, surely be looking towards us for our greatest good. Even if it meant replacing an artery, a heart, a soul or even a purpose, they’d make it happen.

 

Please don’t suffer alone. Speak. Talk. Communicate. Always. xx

(Audio will be added on the 8th)

Seasons

Daniel, sat on the bench with legs crossed, looked out across the lake. He found the view calm, quiet, serene and ever so beautiful. This was his place, that place, where his breathing found a calm that the big city never seemed to provide. He adored the time spent doing absolutely, completely, nothing much at all.

He’d visited this escape over the years, upon the days that afforded him the luxury of undertaking the reasonably short journey. No beeping cars, no screeching of tyres, no coughing individuals and, most certainly, providing a slower pace of life. He’d seen the transformation of each season, moving, adapting, changing to the ever-shifting planet. This year, he was joined by another, his friend, companion, lover and, of course, the one that made him smile.

They’d seen the growth from Spring, the animals starting to birth, the ducks around the lake creating new life, the showers of rain coming and going, with the days and moments seemingly longer as each new day appeared. They’d met in the Spring, the perchance meeting becoming a realistic notion, within the couple. Friends before lovers. Understanding before connecting, creating something new that would hopefully last as long as a spring filled day. Daniel held her hand, relaxing that little further into the soft, plush, outside self-cushioned bench.

They’d witnessed the colours of Summer, where they’d both experienced many adventures, away from the hustle and bustle of their normal lives. Summer always brought warmth, the adventure of finding new places and moments, always inspiring the both of them, to be more than they currently were. Arm in arm, day by day, they’d walk around the small lake experiencing the calm afforded to them both.

They’d watched the Fall of Autumn, with colours fading to be replaced with the yellow, red and browns of life. The weather, changing, with the days becoming shorter, they’d find comfort inside. Holding, embracing, becoming closer than ever before. This, to the two, involved a time to weather any storm. Each day, colder than the next, with animals preparing to hide.

They’d felt the cold of Winter, surrounding them, nipping, biting at their fingers and toes. The landscape, changing ever further, covered with the beautiful snow of change. They’d play, they’d roll within the days of inner warmth, the fire alight within each of them. There would always be something special about the cold storms of life. It brought people together, closer, the embrace confirming the connection and stability.

Daniel loved this place. His escape, their sanctuary, from everything and everyone else. They both knew that although the seasons were becoming mixed, neither really acknowledged the fact that each new day seemed to vanish with ease.  Effortless, timeless, the drama of eventualities not even considered when embraced by the authentic heart of another. He knew that no matter what was said, no matter what they did, he didn’t care which season it was, as he’d spend each and every single one of them, with her.

 

 

Who

Let’s start by grabbing a small, little, slice of paper. Let’s call this little bit of paper your imagination. Sure, your imagination can be as big, or as little as you like, but today, it’s going to be just the size you need.

Pick the characters, the participants, give them names and above all, give them a purpose. A lover, a friend, a person that adds a little tease, some play, or just annoys the heck out of you. Either way, they’re all playing a part in your story. This, above all, is your imagination. We often allow our imagination to run away like a fool, that disregards our sanity, but today we’re taking full control.

Once we’re there, within your play of plays, create situations, places, with even more random faces, that you may never actually get to meet. Once you have the scenes, the players, the artists and the script writer has been set (also you), you can enact the scenes that you’d like to appear within.

Yes, that’s right, you and you alone, are the main star within your orchestrated operatic performance. You’re the producer, the writer, the script developer, the scenery artist and, basically, everything.

Now. You’re there. What’s your worth? How do you appear? How do you feel? How do YOU… create your scenes? What is your worth? Have a think, take some thought, before your imaginary pen touches the page of your mind. This is serious, it’s delicate work and above all, you’re creating the very ‘you’, that every single person will see within your play. Let’s imagine that this is also real life and, as you know, you’ll also appear to those people in the same way you write your fictional character.

Picture your face, envision your smile, your thoughts and your worth. Are you in love? Are you worthwhile? What ‘is’ your worth? So many questions and yet, these thoughts form and create energy that ‘make’ your thoughts become real life. When enacting, when you’re the person and character that you would like to be, feel. Feel everything. The texture of your clothes, feel the smile upon your own lips, enact with the characters with real emotion, with certainty and authenticity. Feeling is… everything.

That’s right, we’ve gone from an imaginary play, created and played within your mind, to how you’re viewed and ‘felt/feeling’ in real life. Every thought, every play that you create within your mind, forms your actions in real life. If you’re not good enough, then that will sound LOUD and CLEAR in the real world, not just within the play of your mind.

Now, we start again. First, create your character. You and you alone, are the most important person within this play. You’re smart, sophisticated, loving, caring, worthwhile and more than amazing. Remember, every line of your script forms how your life will flow. If you think a person will treat you bad, they will as ‘YOU’ make it happen with your exposed energy. Of course, horrible people do exist, but maybe your play could change the way they see you. Even idiots respond to energy. It’s the script, you see, the words you create within your mind.

After all, ‘who’ are you? ‘Who’ will you become? Who, indeed.

Thirty

Thirty days. Thirty days is all it takes.

Over the last twenty-nine days, we’ve experienced joy, wonder, excitement, fun and far, far more. We’ve had smile filled adventures, mildly planned for the future, and expressed so much to each other. It’s been wild, silly, filled with laughter and the wonder of two people that really, really do like each other.

On the thirtieth day, I did something wrong. Nothing that bad, nothing to annoy the neighbours, scare the dogs or wake the dead. It was an event, a moment, that could have been overlooked or, even, discussed and worked upon. For every eventuality, there’s options, solutions and forward paths.

Upon that day, your mind started to play the usual games. The devaluation. The worry. The thoughts forming scenarios within your mind. It won’t work, it’s never going to happen, it’s over and now, just now, you’re looking for a way out. It matters not that the same circular scenario has played out again and again in our lives, as we often don’t realise that ‘we’re’ also the one with the issue(s), repeating and playing around within our minds. I know, as I’ve been there and resolved. It is a never-ending journey of realisation and healing. We all have issues and, if we’re aware, we can resolve them.

It escalates within you; it then escalates around you. Growing. Placing roots, despite your other thoughts trying to move the ship away from the storm bashed rocks. This shouldn’t be a shipwreck. You distance yourself, hurting the other person on purpose, asking them to bridge the gap that they, often, don’t even realise exists.  This wouldn’t be a total loss if, maybe, upon a sun filled day, we evaluated and communicated our fears and follies.

Instead, we ruminate, procrastinate, devaluate and cast aside something or someone that offers us such affection, that the angels themselves shake their heads in disbelief. I’ve been here, there, on both sides, so I’m no angel. I understand or, at least, I do once I’m far, far over on the other side. It’s now, as well as forever, too late. You’ve become nasty, the spite filled words affording the other person confusion, as they retreat within themselves.

Upon the thirtieth day, we seemingly forget the previous twenty-nine days. We disavow the moments, the kisses, the sordid promises made within the darkness of emotion, choosing, instead, to escape to the green grass of freedom. Selected solitary confinement, chosen away from the wilds of being cared for. Such an easy decision, for a society filled with vapid options. We then quickly embrace another, to escape the hollow feeling, the odd behavioural nature of a child trapped within. We cast aside the person that loves us, to be with another to fulfil our selfish pain and suffering. The scales, however, never balance upon such an action. What once was, no longer required to fill the never-ending void of empty feelings. The discarded person, perpetually looking for rescue, with no sea faring vessel within view, struggles. The arms of another not being an option, to such a crippled individual. The only option, being learning and development. The leaving party, resolves themselves to simply having fun until the ramifications appear within their emotions. Still, as mentioned, too late for a reprieve, as we have to first become 'better' versions of ourselves.

Eventually, one day within another range of thirty, we look back upon what we could have had. We look back to see what we let go of. It’s too late. It’s done. Despite the twenty-nine days of wealth, prosperity, abundance and gratitude for wishes fulfilled, we allow our insecurities and past traumas to rule our worlds. It is a shame, it is a baseless wish, for people to fix and fulfil themselves before destroying another. We seldom embrace the fixing of oneself, until we ourselves, are abandoned. The abandoner remains to commit the same mistakes, as well as sins, again and again whilst pointing the finger to others. The selfish nature of a trapped child revolving around and around. However, there should be no blame in a game that involves two. Or maybe, even three.

Our egos cannot ‘possibly’ commit a wrong upon another, when that same said ego believes that we are the wronged. We believe that we simply cannot find the correct person to love us, yet, right in front of us, stands a person that would build a veritable castle upon the words of our name. It is the way of the world. It is natural, the nature of things, with the circus performing the same dance again and again. We are all broken and yet, once cast aside, we grasp the eventual opportunity to gather wealth to our knowledge. It is unfortunate, that another has the moment to hold a better version, instead of becoming better for the person we once wished to love. We are unknowing, until we’re forced to know. We are without, until we reach within.

Maybe, just maybe, we’ll one day manage to reach the thirty first day and then, we can hold a hand forever or, at least, tell no lies when wishing for something more. Thirty days simply isn’t enough, for someone that has no intentions of actually trying to reach the thirty first day.

(So many people having relationship issues, or splitting, lately!)

Click to Listen

Imagination

We live within a world that is less than perfect. We see poverty, misunderstandings, greed, pestilence and more. It’s a shame, a travesty, a concoction of reaching for a position of unfathomable betterment and improvement. We’re often side-tracked by life, by situations, overwhelming our senses and thought processes.

Personally, as a child, I knew that I had an amazing imagination. It kept me company upon many a trip, sitting in a truck, waiting for hours on end or watching the motorway miles vanish before my eyes. I imagined that I could fly, whispering through the clouds at unimaginable speeds. I would run, feel the earth leave my feet and I would flow into the air like the mightiest bird. I dreamed of innocence. The thoughts of a young child.

Now that I’ve grown, again and again, often via forced situations and pain, I’m once again turning to my imagination. For years, I’ve stayed static. The inner voice, be it my heart, soul or mind, remained quiet and I obviously thought that I’d found a place of solace. A reprieve from the previous days, where my mind would castigate my actions again and again. If your inner mind is quiet, you have truly reached a place of safety.

Unfortunately, this often does not last. To be a quiet soul, means that you eventually wish to invite another into that space. The inevitable is just that. My mind is no longer quiet and, my space is, once again, solitary.

Like a child or, a teenager that’s been freed from a prison, I once again wish to use my imagination. Every thought within my mind, or maybe even my heart space, changes my energy, my world and my day-to-day life. If you’re negative, then that energy ‘will’ flow from your body into the world. If you’re happy, it will show upon your lips, eyes and flow. It’s difficult, it’s arduous, to take control of your thoughts. They command you. They can berate you. They can override all the smiles and words you speak upon a given day.

No more. I’m trying. We should try. Change your thoughts. Be polite to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You’re sensitive or, possibly, blocked due to your life’s arduous tasks. It will be okay. There are no problems, only solutions. There should always be a path, if you allow the path to exist. No, I’m not going crazy, as I believe that life is what you make it and no-one else is responsible for your life, or situations, but yourself (within reason).

Imagine a better world. Imagine that specific person being nice to you. Imagine holding the hand of the person you love, have lost, may never see again and wish them well. Send the positive motives into the void and raise yourself to a preferred space. Every single breath, is energy. Every exhalation, another chance to reduce your stress and over-thinking. To feel, is to become. To imagine, is to dream. We, you, I, us, together, can change the world. Think big, think the small thoughts, smile when everyone is looking and move through a room like you’re glowing.

Even when your pride has been crushed, even if your ego has been shattered, even when your self-esteem has been reduced to a pile of wounded tears, stand up, turn up, glow up and use your imagination to become more. What you think, is what you become. If you believe that a person will do something that makes you mad, then your own actions and thoughts can ensure that it happens. It’s an odd set of situations.

I’m trying to imagine, to use my imagination to create a better world for myself. I’m taking my energy, my thoughts, to form them into something that overrides the negative spaces within my heart. It’s taking time, but each day is a new day and upon every new day, we can bravely smile, accept ourselves and use our imagination to form a new person.  You truly, honestly, are what you think. They often say that you are what you eat, which is often accepted without question, so it’s obvious that your thoughts ‘are’ you.

I’m waking up to a new way of thinking and, if I’m honest, it’s quite a change. No matter what someone takes from you, no matter how you’re treated, no matter where you are, no matter the circumstance or situation, no-one can ever take away your imagination. Use it. Enjoy it. Embrace it and become something new with your given power. I’ll see you there, with a smile.

Am

It’s taken a very, very long time but, finally, I truly hope that I’ve realised what I am. That’s it, that’s the answer right there… ‘I am’.

It seems so simple, so easy, yet there’s a radical shift that has to take place within your mind before you ‘truly’ understand. Actually, let’s remove the word, ‘understand’, to replace it with, ‘believe’. We know what we are, or, so we think.

Over my life, I’ve experienced a couple of odd situations, circumstances, that made me sit back and smile. I won’t dive into them, as they’re for me to cherish and for you to find your own situations and experiences. When I refer to, ‘I am’, I point towards a specific way of thinking.

Have you ever wondered why relationships end, your weight never drops, or you seemingly run into bad luck? Personally, I have a strong mind and, thankfully, I’ve often been upon the path of understanding without realistically appreciating the full ramifications of the situation(s).

If you believe that someone will leave you, they will. You will, always, almost certainly, manifest your thoughts into the real world. It is inevitable. If you ‘think’ that someone will never change, you will grasp every ounce of whatever situation resolves your thinking into being. We, us, ourselves, are our worst, best enemies. Being secure in our thinking is paramount. It is absolutely everything.

Know your worth. We tell ourselves a story upon each given day. We’re not good enough, we do not deserve to be happy, we often end up in the same relationships/situations etc. No, sorry, you’re (possibly) wrong. We’re (possibly) wrong. We bring our thoughts to life. There are no problems, only solutions. There is no search, other than to ask for the very map to which we find salvation. “Why does this always happen to me?” Well, it’s because we often ‘make’ it happen. We can destroy such amazing situations, then blame the other person. Sure, no-one is realistically blame free.

Yeah, I know, it all sounds dream filled and magical. Let’s suggest that every thought has an energy to it, a life, a purpose. If you think a thought, you will ‘eventually’ believe that thought. We are a race of individuals that ‘must’ be right at every turn. “I knew that it wouldn’t work!”  Yes, I know, it wouldn’t work as your thoughts made it so. Thoughts within our mind should be expressed, especially when they’re damaging. Person A will see you one way, with person B seeing you a different way. You are still the same person, but our experiences, regrets, loves, losses, failures, scars and reasoning make the difference.  

I won’t lie. It takes a radical shift and, being honest, a change of thinking along with your perception of the world. The world is energy. It will always be energy. Sound is created by energy. A touch requires energy. To break a heart requires energy. To heal a heart, even more.

Your inner dialogue, from your conscious mind, controls your subconscious thoughts. What you think, is what you will be. Your body means nothing, when all is said and done, with your mind ravaging your energy and life. It’s taken a long, long time for me to reach this place and, above all, I’m thankful. Sure, it’s going to take further time, before I grasp my mind to change the ‘old’ stories. I no longer wish to see the world from whatever platform I sat upon. I know, I’m more grounded than I’ve ever been, but there’s still scars to bypass. Wait… no, I’m already far further than the scars, left upon my person. I’ve visualised a new person. I’ve seen the end of the race. It ‘felt’ amazing. It’s here, now, within me. From within, your form is created. Why waste time feeling bad? Believe. Become what you believe by changing your thoughts.  “It’s hopeless!”  Yes, it is, if you keep ‘saying’ it’s hopeless.

Believe. You, just you, are the most complete version of yourself (if you believe). Deny the voice within. Stall the never-ending dialogue that tells you that A is B. It isn’t. Explore. Talk Communicate. Explain. Resolve. It’s easier than we believe. Once you’re complete, become complete again and again. Learn. Achieve. Embrace knowledge and understanding. Do NOT let your conscious mind control your world. It will and can destroy everything. After all…

I am.

Boat

Simon’s eyes blinked a few times, his hand reaching up to wipe away the water upon his face. He focussed, startled, shocked, not quite understanding how he came to be in such a place. One moment, sun filled skies, solid ground underneath his feet and the next, he’s in a rowing boat in the middle of a stormy sea.

His hands reached out, grabbing hold of the oars, not quite understanding the situation or what he was supposed to do. His head turned to his left, then right, trying to locate some type of sanctuary, a respite, a place of safety. He focused his mind, trying to reach inward to find calm. For a second, he believed, he actually believed, that he’d be okay. The weight of the situation, all at once, pushing against his shoulders and thoughts.

The next second, mighty thundering lightning cracked throughout the sky, sending him slightly backward into the boat. His back, pressed against the cold wooden surface, found a form of stability within the calm. He felt his mind juggle a thousand moments, a million emotions, as he once again tried to find some form of rescue. It was, as he currently knew, unlikely that it would be found.

The denial, the words of solace within him, sent out a thousand messages, a million words, in the hope that some type of angel would remove his solitude. The voices above remained silent, with another thundering event sending flashes through the night’s cold. There were no angels within his scenario, no rescue, only his thoughts, his body and himself.

He cried, the sudden tears rising within him as he lifted his head to peek over the side of the boat. The waves were growing, angry waves, that seemed to be calling him names. He was worthless, his self-esteem falling to the very lowest level of emotional stability, as he succumbed to the demands of his situation. It was a worthless effort, hopeless, no matter how much he tried to move the boat. He defeated himself, without even trying, once again, to move to safety.

His tears joined the boat’s influx of water as, finally, he realised that he had to remove some weight. Even tears held their weight within his mind, which meant that he should cry, instead of leaving within the burden of fear. With both hands, he tried to remove the water. It was, to his mind, more or less hopeless. The weight of the situation, his world, seemed to be filling the boat faster than he could throw aside the growing boat’s content.

He wanted to give up, to escape the boat, to simply let the waves take him to the depths of darkness. He had, more or less, given up. The darkness, the weight, the thoughts, the feelings and worth inside, all combining together to seemingly crush his self-esteem, hope, self-worth and emotional sanctity. He closed his eyes, as his hands continued to throw as much water over the side as possible. He refused to stand still. He refused to simply let the darkness, the thunder, the wild sea of life take him. It would be easy to simply deny the willingness to continue. It would be quicker to just end his suffering.

He gritted his teeth, with tears still falling around him, as he grabbed the oars. He would at least try, he would at least envision dry land, until the very last breath left his soul. He repeated positive words within his mind, over and over again, as he calmed his body. Breathing in, slowly, deeply, as he exhaled with each movement of the boat. Little by little, slowly, surely, with each row, he found a small amount of peace. He didn’t wish to open his eyes, but he did so regardless of his fear.

He wanted to smile, to believe, that there would be an island behind him but, instead, he felt the fear rise within, which was confusing. Hope, to be happy for even a second, filled him with fear. If he felt a smile upon his face, the boat could crack, a wave could take him at any second, or the thundering light could strike him down. He wanted to smile, to laugh, to find the situation, one of madness. He couldn’t, he dared not tempt the anger of the universe. To even think of hope, at this time, could mean disappointment within the very next second.

He shook his head, the rain saturating every inch of him, as he finally dared himself to smile. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t and most certainly shouldn’t let the wild seas take him away. He was on dry land, filled with sunshine, barely seconds before and the next, this place. He knew that life featured roaring seas of turbulence, but what he didn’t expect was how suddenly it appeared. Within a second, the madness had gripped him. Within a moment, he’d lost so much of his very person, to fear, to loss, to having to learn and adapt. It was an experience that he’d never forget, if he survived. 

As his mind, heart and most certainly soul, grasped the thought of effort and persistence, the lightning stopped. He dared not look to the sky, still afraid to tempt the fate of happiness. He continued adapting, learning, understanding his situation and, with each movement, the sky started to clear as the waves calmed.

He still wouldn’t smile, internally, despite the exterior showing just that. The illusion of a smile, hiding so much. He looked behind him, realising that the next few seconds would bring him to safety and then, as the boat touched dry land, he jumped up and threw himself onto the sand filled beach. He’d made it, he’d managed to make it through the turbulence, the sadness, depression and uncertainty. As his hands pushed into the sand, his smile vanished as he realised, that his situation would now require reflection, study, understanding and energy. He would never wish to return to the boat, the place that caused him so much stress, fear, trepidation and sorrow.

He stood, glancing back one last time towards the boat and the sea. He was glad, in a way, as he realised that things would have been far, far worse, without the boat that his mind had placed him in.