Friday, 14 February 2020


She held the wine glass against her lips, drinking, tasting, as she more or less gulped the remaining liquid. That first glass after a heavy day did wonders, relaxing her, asking her to simply escape and forget the events of the day behind her. She poured another glass as she looked at the small cake, not quite to the top, but near enough. It was that day, the day, when the star-crossed lovers all around her bleated on and on about how wonderful their partner is, despite spending quite a few days of the year feeling miserable.

She didn’t envy them as she, instead, preferred to see through the clear reality of things. Nothing was perfect and never, ever, would they be. She looked at the chair across from her, the top appearing over the small table that currently featured a bottle of wine, a glass, as well as a small little cake for her loved one. She started to reminisce, to return to the days now faded. As her mind moved into her memories, she recalled a few previous love affairs that had once sat across from her.

David. He was the smart one, intelligent, witty, with the correcting manner of a teacher. She understood his desire to correct, to teach, but his understanding seemed to be limited to his own way of doing things, instead of appreciating that everyone wouldn’t follow the same path. Even in bed, she often felt like a mechanical part of a process. He didn’t last long, in either sense of the thought. She let out a small laugh, as the wine once again touched her lips.

Robert. Rob to his friends. He was the cheeky chap, the fun filled laugh a minute type, that was a blast to be around. He adored an audience, wished to be the centre of attention, no matter the location, or people around him. At first it was quite alluring, meeting all of his friends, the million and one people that he knew. Then, after a while, she’d realised that his attention would never, ever, be fully focused on what they were doing. She didn’t ask for a lot, at any point in time, but she simply wished for his time.

Gaz. The tech wizard, the social artist that wished to be the influencer of people. It would have worked as he listened, honestly, genuinely, listened to her. She enjoyed his company, when his head wasn’t firmly stuck to his mobile phone. Online, somewhere else, far away, pleasing the many when the few would sustain. She had, at this point, become sick of being hidden and feeling second best.

Simon. She had to admit it, to herself, her neighbours, her friends and to her family. He was pretty. So damn, perfectly, deliciously pretty. She could hardly even look at him without something inside wishing to melt. He had the body of an athlete and the appetite to match. The days stretched to nights and his near never-ending insatiability knocked her from her darn feet.  He was a keeper, despite somehow always feeling like the Beast within the Beauty of the play. He was, however, also loving two other women at the very same time. He was, in all ways, a complete dog.

Richard. The one. That one. The person that you somehow never forget. He was perfect. Down to earth, sociable, but by her side when needed. He listened but didn’t take any of her idiotic ramblings. Straight talking, sensitive and the man she needed in her life. He was lost to her, the day he finally realised that she’d been damaged by the others, the ripples of time finally causing a rift between the two of them. If she’d have resolved her issues, or at least tried instead of hiding, it might have worked. Instead, she hid from herself and in turn, lost him.

She finished the glass of wine, allowing the thoughts to fade away. She opened the small box that was sat on the table, removing the plastic inner packaging, to place the small cake onto the paper edible paper plate. She’d found a new love, an honest love, the type of love that would last until either of their dying breaths and, thankfully, they missed each other every single day.

She tapped a spoon against the side of the table, the racket echoing through the house. She listened, the silence saying what it needed to say, as she heard the thundering from the stairs. She often winced at the speed to which he flew down the stairs and, thankfully, she knew that he’d always be okay.

She smiled as her entered the kitchen, panting, jumping onto the chair to smash his face into the cake. His big bright eyes, the silly long tongue, all warming her soul. He looked up, the cake demolished within a few seconds, as he licked his lips. This male in front of her, would never let her down. The only dog she’d ever allow into her life from this moment on.

Thursday, 13 February 2020


Daniel sat at the table, the moment seemingly lasting forever, the very second she arrived. They were meant to be together, hopefully the word 'forever' featuring, despite his understanding of the way things worked.

He appreciated her, the way she spoke, the words she used, her small little smiles when he knew that she’d thought of something funny and, especially, the way she rushed to tell him that very singular thought. She was smart, the kind of woman that you’d want to listen to for hours. She had her head screwed on straight, level, the quirks of life somehow never managing to knock her sideways into that place he’d escaped a fair few times.

He desired her, the way she dressed, conservatively at times, the slack jim-jams the next day, with the adventurous side appearing when she felt that inner need to do so. Her own soul, her own mind, the days and nights never scripted or acted as if they were within a play of someone else’s words. She was, above all, that mighty flame that easily lit his fire in each and every single way.

He wanted her, to be around him, near him, anywhere but away from his side. She would walk in and his sanity would leave the building. He could fly, truly float into the clouds, whenever she even remotely looked his way. He wasn’t the type of man to run with ideals of fantasy or a heart’s theft, but this was all it was meant to be. If she gave him a ladder, he’d climb for her. If she were a pool of her own raw emotion, he’d gladly swim until she begged him to stop.

He wished for her; those wishes that mean the world to him. Her success, her health, for her sanity and more. Nearly all his thoughts, words, no matter the subject, reminded him that he had somewhere to be, wishes to be made and more. This was a love affair that defied all wishes and wants. If she were a genie, trapped within her worldly lamp, he’d gladly caress the lamp until she managed to be free. Each of the three wishes, simply, easily, asking for her choices to be her own.

He missed her, in the ways that scribes had mentioned throughout the histories of man. She wasn’t his Eve, as Eve was made from Adam and that, to him, simply would not do. She was the Lilith within his world, that equal, the greater half of the two becoming one. Whenever apart, he’d mourn the seconds that escaped his grasp, the precious seconds that could have been spent by her side. The creed, that greed, the connection between the two becoming something more than the wanton norm.

He romanticised her, the thoughts and expressions written firmly across his very actions. The way he looked at her, noticed her, dreamt about her, becoming his waking moments. He never thought that he’d reach a place such as this, the unravelling of learned behaviours, to be replaced with lucid actions and meaning. He had no plan without her, no vision, the understanding suddenly lacking without her gaze. He’d lost himself within, finding the release and freedom never once felt before. That swooning feeling, that of a starry-eyed fool, gladly allowing his heart to be removed.

He understood her, realising that any man would gladly become the very essence of the word, ‘man’, when confronted by such a presence. He’d laugh, mock himself, for thinking this way but it was of no use. Beside every single man, stood a woman that he’d gladly give himself for. He was lucky, one of the few, to be connected in such a way. She felt the same, the idol upon her pedestal removed, to ensure they both remained grounded.

He appreciated, desired, wanted, wished, missed and knew her. The time taken to listen, to reply, to appreciate her inner-working heart, soul and mind, brought the realisation that no matter what happened, no matter the situation or setting, he simply, easily, would live every single second again as long as he could, always, that forever, just hold her hand.

Tuesday, 11 February 2020


I’m not in love with you. I admit it. You’re never on my mind, always away from my thoughts and none of my actions are about you.

I’m not in love with you. I’ll say it. I hardly remember any of your words, that you said on all of those days and nights when we laughed, sometimes cried, whilst setting the world alight and also right. I hardly even remember your voice, the softness of each word that you spoke to my lips, as you hardly even existed.

I’m not in love with you. I’ll deny it. With every single breath from my mouth, I’ll exclaim and also proclaim, that my feelings are neither here, never there, whilst also being fair. Nothing you said made me laugh, your moments seemingly vanishing the harder I never mention you within my thoughts.

I’m not in love with you.



The atmosphere, the fog within his mind, exclaimed the singular desire to be seen, noticed and held. Daniel, sat next to the slightly open window, looked across the beautifully scenic lake as an actual fog spread itself in front of his view. He was, finally, at peace.

He ran his fingers along the windowpane, the paint upon the wood flaking slightly, as the age failed to hide the neglected attention and detail. He loved this place, moments such as this. He adored them and held them close to him. He needed next to nothing within his small, comfortable, flexible world and it showed.

Across from him sat the power tools, his intentions clear, with this new home becoming his future life and residence. He’d clean, he’d bring this place to where he’d relax, thankful to his very body and mind for doing what they did. He smiled, closing his eyes, as he heard the car engine outside. She was here.

He felt his heart suddenly move within his chest, the increased beat, as he breathed in the clean fresh air. This place, far from the hustle and bustle, the life of grime and constant aggravation, would hopefully ensure that his time, their time, would last for as long as possible. The world cared not for the people that wished to make memories as, instead, it preferred to dilute, infect, combust and rip apart emotions with callous motions.

He no longer wished to fight amongst the daily turbulence. That nine to five. Those days that repeated again and again. This place, these moments, were his chance to escape the thought of his very soul being crushed, to eventually be replaced by a younger, eager, fresh faced version. He moved away from the window, happy, his emotions refined to a steady flow of pure silence.

The door opened, as he neared. She smiled, dropping her bag to her side, her smile filling the room with such light that absolutely every single inch became something new. Standing there, in front of her smile, he felt his entire world view constrain itself to this very second. The very moment. He wished for this place and it came true. The grind and punishment finally all worthwhile. She was, above all, the surprise that appeared from nowhere.

He stepped forward, his hand finding hers, as their fingers embraced. His other hand found itself against her lower back, pulling her close to him. “It’s cold out there!” he said, with his very smile filling his words with tender care. He’d missed her.

“Do you have any ideas that might warm me a little?”

“I do, actually!”

Gently, with thought and actual emotion, he expressed the way he’d missed her with the smallest of kisses. He just wanted to look into her eyes, to express, to know what was going on within that mind of hers.

“I see that you’ve brought your man tools with you!” she stated, as she ever so slightly leaned to her side.

Daniel nodded, laughing a little, knowing that she really did not like his man tools in any description.

“You know me, I’m not one to leave things for long!”

She placed her hand against his chest, pushing him away from her, ever so slightly.

“Well then, you’d better get a load of this!”

His mouth opened slightly, as she removed her long coat. Normally, usually, she might be wearing something extra special underneath, but on this occasion, she meant business!

Daniel laughed hard, placing his hands onto his knees as he kept his balance. She was wearing an all in one boiler suit, as she produced rubber gloves from either pocket.

“When you stop laughing, I think that there’s work for the both of us!”

Within his earlier years, he’d wished to create a home with someone, a real place to become one, until two, or maybe even three. He’d failed, the years moving away from him as he blinked away the moments and memories. This was beautiful, amazing, enthralling and, although he knew that most would find the tasks boring, he would not. It wasn’t work. This, to him, was absolute bliss. Creating something new with someone that cared and wished to share was, overall, what people were meant to do. Memories. Moments. The creation of something new. Together.

Tuesday, 4 February 2020


The windowpane creaked, ever so slightly, breaking the silence within the near barren room. She’d thrown all of it away, out of her life, hopefully freeing her mind and thoughts. Eyes closed, fists clenched upon the floor, she listened to the silence. For a brief second, her thoughts stopped as the ticking of the old clock invaded the empty space. She needed her mind to simply stop. Taunted, haunted, as her heart literally banging against her chest. It asked for him, begged for him to return, savaged and ravaged by the events that had recently transpired. Her heart knew the truth, but the innocence within her still wished and wanted to believe in something else.

Another path, all part of a dream, but the realism of the events meant that a dream would be a merciful awakening. This was true to life, ever present, the way of the world and her life. He’d said all the right things. He’d completed all of the required actions and yet, despite her idiotic emotions running away with their fantasy, her instincts warned her. They’d shouted at her. It was no use. His kisses embraced her emotions. His touch conveyed a warmth seldom felt. His words erasing her own letters, as she held onto every single second of his time.

She felt the tears rise within her, again, as she wept her tears. She couldn’t stop the feelings rising within her and, being honest, she knew that she shouldn’t. ‘Let it go’, would be the words from her Mother’s lips. A wise Woman, raising another wise Woman, despite falling yet again for a charlatan, a liar, a thief of hearts and a lover of her body. She looked at her tears resting upon the floor, realising and smiling, due to the thought of each drop escaping her inner pain. She smiled through the tears, as her fist scrubbed away the liquid in front of her.

She’d believed, she’d listened, she’d embraced every single word that he’d exclaimed over the fire filled nights and enthusiastically adventurous days. They’d worked together, that yang for the ying, the encompassing tribunal of legal debauchery. She wanted him, actually desired him, yearning for the second they’d see each other again. He’d greet her with such gusto that she’d felt alive, her emotions and adrenaline rushing through her very veins. Her body responded to his in such a way that she could have literally died and, being honest, she’d have died happy. He presented himself in such a fashion that his quirks interested her, fascinated her, due to being an individual amongst the many. Her mind listened, answering, the stimulus being more than physical.

More tears arrived, the clock still ticking, with each second escaping. An emotion would rise with the tick, then escape with the tock. She pushed her upper body from the floor, breathing in slowly through her nose, then out from her mouth. She would find calm. She would escape this ever-present trap to which she had bonded herself. No man, no person, neither entity or fabrication, would hold her from the world for long. She’d loved their time together, adored him, nearly loved him, despite his crushing departure. Used, but not abused, she at least took solace in knowing that such a person existed, actually desiring her, wanting her, to only then abandon her.

She changed her moving thoughts, locked them to the present ideal. She knew what she deserved, what she required and desired within her changing world, which meant that she could focus on finding that ideal. He was gone, absent, away to enchant another mistress with his grace and charm. Her fairy-tale would not stop here. She would strive forward, embrace the pain, envelop the emotions and learn from them. She’d build from whatever this place and moment represented.

Standing, she wiped away the tears upon her skin, once again smiling, realising that the moments within her life were but the ticking of a clock. Each second, a gift. Each tear, a learned moment of change. She turned, walking over to the old Longcase clock, placing her hand against the glass covering the large hands. She nodded, her eyes blinking, as she recalled her Mother’s words, “There will be days like this, with some seconds worse than others. Time, a second, is all you need to heal everything!”

Click to Listen

Wednesday, 29 January 2020


Shaz walked along the path, unaffected, alive, aware and courteous to the others around him. He was different, not exactly the same, but that didn’t matter as he was mostly ignored by each and every single one of them. Born different, hardly even noticed other than the ever present digitally created social circles, he remained a joyful, adventurous, singular creation within his world.

He’d been born into the time of the great epidemic, the changes now apparent to the few that looked above and beyond their digital artefacts. He continued his journey, avoiding the snail-paced people occupying various sections of the walkway. He was always first, to every single event, destination or planned online visit. He smiled, hands feeling warm within his thick winter jacket, his day simply moving with ease.

His parents were also different, to a point, resisting most of the temptations that arrived with the illness that gripped society. They had mobile phones, computers, tablets and electronic watches, but somehow placed the temptation aside for their actual living daily lives. Shaz, on the other hand, arrived into the world with a rare, complicated, vision displacement shift. He could see the world around him, as clear as day, with only the electronic displays appearing as blurred objects. The family had sought help, enquired for years, with no single establishment realistically caring. The refresh, the moving screens that displayed all of their technicolour splendour and information, causing him headaches as well as motion sickness.

It was odd for his parents, at first. Teaching methods had changed since they were young, with all modern curriculum being presented over electronic formats. Shaz didn’t mind as he’d eventually come to understand the world through learned eyes. The scholars of old, through old fashioned text booklets, expressing their wisdom with clarity and ease. He’d eventually discovered the wonders of text to speech but sadly, found the newfound teachings to be tainted with political ideals and endgames.

In School, the silence of each class, was a daunting event for a mind as young as his. He would read his book, discovering adventures as well as long lost forgotten places, while his friends simply shared nothing from his world. The divides formed, the ideals separated, with his eyes witnessing the intolerance and segregation of a world lived online. The more he touched the world around him, brushed against the very earth they all stood upon, he witnessed the great depressive state encompass all of them. Each of his friends, grasping, aching, caught within the ever present need to feel instant justification.

He wanted to say something, to express more and to help them as much as he could, but the eventful realisation that a digitally encompassed mind would never survive away from the stimulus of constantly searching for barren justification, silenced him. There would never be a saviour, the further they all stepped away from their own lives, to live a life online. He was present, in the moment, enjoying the very life in front of his own eyes. Even when eating, when surrounded by friends, they would be experiencing a disconnected online conversation with others.

The loneliness bothered him, pressing against his heart, until he released himself from the burden of caring for others than didn’t even care for themselves. The transitory, evaporated, emotionally vacuous nature of it all, stinging him to let go of the corpses surrounding him. Within a second, a moment’s release of barren connectivity, he’d smiled as he left them to their own closed devices. He’d let go of his parents’ memory, the years previous, his tears being filled with the warmth of a world filled with nature and tranquillity. He’d found peace through the remembered words of his own Mother, with his Father’s unfaltering wisdom raising him through the differences of the very basic function of his eyesight and more.

His smile grew, the feelings of freedom within embracing his aura, warming his very heart that wished for more. He already knew the answer to the question he’d not even asked himself. He’d already found the stability that each of his friends wished for upon each day. They’d whine, exclaiming their despondent notions, whilst making no realistic change to enable the chance of improving. Each outcome, the fault of another. Each upset, the biggest drama of the day. Any missed clicks and likes, becoming the abandonment living within their very dying hearts and souls.

Shaz continued to walk through the people standing around him. Each clasping their chosen wireless heart within their weak, chilled, shaking hands. The disease, the entrapment of a soft screaming consciousness, already written into their eyes and minds. This epidemic, freely and willingly embraced by all.

Monday, 27 January 2020


Daniel closed the hotel door, softly, as to not disturb any other residents. He was here, again, this type of place, the setting and location that was starting to tire him. For once, if he was honest with himself, he’d prefer to take things slowly. He looked at her legs, as she placed her small handbag onto the side table, realising that some things were always going to happen, no matter the intention or idiotic notions within his head.

Flesh. Skin. The enticing quandary to which he, obviously, found himself over and over again. To have, to hold, to forsake the ritual of actually getting to know someone, presented itself once more. He calmly walked along the small corridor, with the bed sitting slightly to his right side. A few seconds moved and she appeared, from the bathroom, resting onto the edge of the bed. She stretched her legs out in front of him, crossed, as she looked at him with a smile. She knew exactly what she was doing, especially after the hours of conversation over the few dates.

He knew what the smile meant. It asked him, commanded him, teased his resolve and injected the naughtiest of thoughts into his head. He really, really did want her. He placed himself against the small desk, intended for a suitable laptop, immediately across from the bed. Looking at her, remembering the conversations they’d just had, he realised that she could actually be someone that he’d want more from. A strange notion, seeing as his emotional state usually involved feeling next to nothing.

They’d talked, for hours, the hands of the clock spinning. She’d flirted, expressing her intent, which become especially obvious as they’d kissed when scaling the 10 floors within a small lift. She felt right, her lips upon his, his arms holding her close. He had to take this slow. No more would he allow someone that he actually liked, to entice him into a situation that moved far too fast. She stood up from the bed, with her amazing smile, as she stepped forward. She pressed herself against him, hip to hip, his body immediately asking for him to respond. It would be easy, it would be an obvious solution, to simply have her. Take her. To feel every single part of her body against his.

He denied such notions. This would not, could not, simply be the way forward. Daniel kissed her, his soft lips moving with ease, across hers. He loved soft kissing, expressive kissing, the moments meaning more than some thirst filled, heavy breathing episode. There’d be time for that later, if there were to be such a time.

“What do you want?” he asked after removing his lips from hers, as his eyes softened.

“I think that’s obvious!” she replied, running her hands up the side of his thighs.

“No, not that. What do you really, really want?”

She lowered her head slightly, her smile escaping for the smallest of seconds. Daniel did not expect an honest answer, as it was quite a vague question, with many possible replies. She was perceptive, intelligent, quirky, despite her own opinion of herself being beautifully modest. Her smile returned, knowing, realising, exactly what he meant by asking such a question.

“Everything!” she said, with her voice almost breaking at the absolute weight removed from her heart, for the smallest of seconds.

Daniel smiled. He smiled the biggest smile he could find.

“Then let’s have everything!”

He placed an arm around her back, the other lifting her as he moved to the bed. Gently, he lowered her onto her back and kissed her. This time, it was with increased feeling, an earnest kiss, a wanting kiss that exclaimed his thoughts and motivations. He stopped, moving from the bed, as he turned to slowly run his fingers up her beautifully presented legs. She moved her head to the side, enjoying the feeling of his warm hands against her skin. He wanted her, with every single part of his body as well as, possibly, his connective emotions. He would never fall for anyone with ease, let alone the woman in front of him, which meant that he needed to hear her answer. He, simply, protectively, would not allow such a thing to happen.

As he moved past her knees, he slowed, testing, teasing, asking for her permission to continue with pure silence. His hands moved under her dress, slowing, knowing exactly what he wanted to do. She looked into his eyes, her red lips wanting him to kiss her again. He found the lingerie, his fingers gently pulling downward, away from her. A second moved as they kept eye contact.

Removed, free, he denied himself the pleasure of doing what his body screamed for. Instead, he followed a different path, as he placed his head between her legs and joined his lips to hers. Tasting, kissing, he teased. He listened to her expressive sounds, as her body responded to the feeling being presented with his kisses. Each one, each touch, asking her to enjoy every single second. He slowed his teasing, he relaxed his movements, as he knew exactly what he had to do.

Slowly, immediately, he found her with the tip of his tongue. With the softest, slowest movement, he gently moved up and down. He watched as she grasped the bed sheets, her hips ever so slightly moving with the flow of his touch. Her breathing, now shallow, could be heard over her obvious satisfaction.

He continued with the movements, the rhythm, the tempo, being kept so very, very controlled. Barely touching her, up, then down, he could feel her rising pleasure as the seconds vanished. Again and again, he moved over her, against her, just barely touching. The tease within the meaning, ensuring that she reached that certain place. Her hips raised ever so slightly from the bed, as her stomach moved up and down. He pressed his tongue against her, just a little, as he increased the speed. Her mouth opened, as she let go of the sheets, her body giving in to the feeling that had risen within her.

Daniel stopped, rising away from her, content with what had just happened. She lifted herself from the bed, her hair across her face, as she brushed it aside. She pulled at his belt, as Daniel stopped her, kneeling. He smiled, as a slight amount of confusion appeared upon her face.

“Hey, there will be time for that, “ he said with a calm, caring voice, “I’m not here just to sleep with you. Not going to happen tonight. We have to be honest with each other, no secrets, just honesty. Can we just chat?” She nodded, content with the idea that his words meant something, the clarity actually being something refreshing.

She’d asked for everything and, to Daniel, that meant that they both needed to be honest with each other. Two minds would only ever work together, if they understood each other’s motivations, desires, needs and wants within their own worlds. He wanted her to mean more than two people connecting physically, he needed her to give him everything and, in order to do that, he also had to give her absolutely, completely, without hesitation… everything in return.