Thursday, 17 October 2019


The chain, dangling as it did, nearly reached the floor. Heavy, thoroughly constructed to hold more than the current weight, as the small sized wrecking ball dragged along the ground. This item, the implement of a mind in turmoil, would be used for one specific task and one task only. Destruction, devastation, destroying anything that managed to get within the chain’s thrown distance.

He dragged the ball, effortlessly, behind him, with a certain length of chain wrapped around his arm. His arms alone, if needed, could strangle a man to death with ease and yet, he still chose this item above all others. He neared the house that he once called home, that majestic place that held him within the warmth of his lover’s embrace, all those years previous. His heart started to pound, as his sight caught hold of his destination. He loved this place, adored the moments, yet needed to do this for his very sanity.

The entire world, gone to hell, yet his one thought remained here. There was no sanctuary, no solace or serene embraces left alive for him to hold onto. The world had seen fit to remove them all, one by one, despite his vivid demonstrations and efforts to hold them close. He’d heard all of the words, explored them, with his sanity starting to edge away from him as the months vanished. He was once sane, understanding, yet the world simply wished for him to change. Violence, the vulgarity of the male nature, finally releasing itself to the moment. He’d had enough. He’d heard and witnessed enough.

He'd known no words, of slander or pain, until the torture they’d chosen to throw his way. He tried to help, to assist, to understand, yet the others only wished to inflict drama and pain. No more. No less. This was his moment to finally let go of his bonds upon this frightening world. He would destroy, he would relinquish the bonds that restrained the animal within. Today, upon this day of days, he would be all he was meant to be. An animal. The majestic tolerances, finally erased and evaporated, by the saline words rubbed into the open wounds surrounding his heart.

The house, upon him, was now in front of his very eyes. He glanced at the windows, with the glass strewn across the ground. Broken, discarded, each shard reminding him of each chance to help and never hinder, thrown away as if it were nothing. He had protected himself but, unfortunately, it was often far, far too late. The moment, gone, the damage, done, with hope rising after the very understanding burned itself into his subconscious. He was, for no better word be found, knowingly broken. After all of the effort to resolve, to fix, he’d felt the cracks start to form and his energy wane. Sick, tired, no longer wishing to share his thoughts, he’d turned to the physical strength of life, instead of the mental. He would break and he would suffer, but by the very grace of his fists, he would survive and no longer be thrown aside.

He grasped the chain, his mighty arms flexing, the tight motion moving as he lifted the thick iron ball with its chain. With one small motion the ball flew into the air, spinning around and around above his head until, when ready, he directed the swing towards the house in front of him. The chain moved through his fingertips, allowing the ball to travel further from his frame. With a smash, it struck the house. Shards flew, the side of a window frame snapped, and a small hole appeared.

Slowly, with focused force, he pulled the chain until the ball returned to his side. Again. Once more. Over and over again, he threw the ball towards the house, until a human sized hole appeared along the brickwork. From his side pocket, he produced a small amount of explosive charge. After this day, he knew, that he would never be haunted by the years of words and moments. He would finally, easily, walk away from the mess and torrid disturbed lashings.

The timer set, he threw the item into the house and turned to walk away. For a second, he hesitated, turning his head back towards the house. The moments. The experiences. He smiled, despite his mind being the way it was, as he knew that there would always be moments other than pain. His head lowered, as his eyes removed their focus from the house. His tortured mind, wishing to think, to return to solace and understanding, pushed his idiotic heart aside as he continued to walk away.

There would be no return to this time. What once was, would never be again. He accepted that. Would have once nurtured the moments, if it were not for society’s way of blaming everyone for anything and everything. This was why he was here. This was the very reason for his way of thinking, if he’d call this moment thinking. The house, behind him, exploded into more pieces than he could ever count and, at that very moment, that second, the wrecking ball metaphorically released him from the very chains that had held him in place for the longest, most torturous time. He was, finally, free.

Friday, 11 October 2019


I’ve been here, since the dawn of your time. Walking amongst you, breathing the same air as each one of you. Tainted by your imaginations, your machinations, I’ve smiled and cried at such events within this time. Now, upon this day, I’m struggling as I can see my future.

I’ve witnessed the birth of a thousand sparks, the death of a million memories, as well as the moments that scared and scarred my very skin. I’ve seen all of it, everything, every dream, every shattered embrace and more.

I’m now within a place that I thought I’d never reach. The dissolution of an entire race, coming to an end, to awaken towards a new environment and emotion. You’re changing, becoming something different; be the moment good, or even a hesitant bad, it shall come to pass.

Within moments, the second that I could interject another wavelength of thought, I’ve gestured the will to change the path for all of you. Destiny, on the other hand, cannot be denied. Whom, or who am I, to state any objection? If a man, woman, or whatever you seek to call yourself upon this very day, seeks oblivion through whatever source imaginable, then so shall the moment commence.

My interjections, notwithstanding, shall never be entered into any conversation, past, present or future. My role, my entwined conscience, is to watch. You shall vanish, fading into the very energy you once arrived from within. The two, can become the three, no matter the consequence, situation or selfishness. Life continues, as shall I, as your smile vanishes and your very warm touch crumbles to nothing.

You are, above all, vacantly obsessed with wealth, fortune and the looks and views from another. Trapped, within a storm of your own making, never to be free until you open your fist that’s filled with gasping pain. Self-worth, the indulgence of your pride, being the un-doing of all accomplishments.

Hold each other, embrace your fragilities, and hold the hand of a person that needs to be held. The accomplishments that could be achieved are near limitless, if only, for a moment, you’d all work together to become something more. Rise, stand, open your hearts to each other and embrace the very notion that you are all connected. Each one of you. The dilution of travel, the gender of becoming nothing more than one.

I hear each of you breathing, expelling your very emotions over everything you touch and inhabit. Like a disease, you could all cure so many ailments if it were not for the divide. Segregated by lines, colours, ideologies and other facilitated understandings. Two arms, two legs, one heart, a mind of thought and lips of emotion. This and this alone, is the only understanding that each of you require.

Nothing more, everything less, the understanding of life and how transient it is. Believe, in yourself, understand the others around you, appreciate and never demotivate. You can all be so beautiful. There will always be differences, which should only be held close. This makes each and every single one of you unique, as well as wondrous to the imagination. You strive to be accepted, which leads each of you to comply, to be segregated, to be manipulated by the items and thoughts we reap.

For me, for each of you, strive, grow, become, resist the temptation and stand tall with every single person around you. I need you to change. I have seen such beauty within, around and upon me. I’ve felt your tears touch my skin a trillion times, the silent, painful, breaking of a person amplified over so many seconds, over so many moments and hours. It breaks me, hurts me, with my own anguish becoming nothing more than the sadness I can no longer tolerate or accept.

I do not wish to hurt any of you, as you are my children. Born from me, the very air I create giving you the life needed to exist within your own small spaces. Widen your view, open your ears and hearts, engage the power that has been suppressed from the teachings of other and strive to understand. I am your planet and I am in pain. Listen to me, before the very day, you’re removed from me forever. I will die, one day, from sun fire or the frozen emotion of space. Until then, each of you, all of you, can find another path, to save my very life.

Tuesday, 8 October 2019


The cold clambering frost tried, as much as it could, to move into her blanket but it was no use. Her heart, still beating, managing to survive most of life’s harsh words, kept on pumping the way that it wished to move. Each beat, powerful, defiant, no longer willing to withstand the bitter and cruel world outside.

She’d withstood, endured all the damned idiotic pain within her world. Empowering, lasting, embracing her pain and often suffering emotions. She held the blanket closer to her body, feeling the warmth and grace of its tender inflections. This was her safe zone, her place, her mood for the moment that ensured her safety. Words, above all, often knew a way of working their way through any and all defences.

She’d heard all of them. Many of them. The put downs, the reasons, the fault to which she often unknowingly took the blame. She was this, maybe that, as her mind and emotions simply agreed to make the words stop. No matter the bruises, the verbal or physical, she knew that the images and respirations would endure. She carried on. She always would.

Sipping the small cup of hot chocolate, closing her eyes as the warmth entered her body, she reflected upon her life, her world, her emotions and more. This place, this moment, was one of those seldom found explanatory, exploratory, escapes and sanctuaries. She smiled, as her eyes opened to the world in front of the window. The icescape world, the beauty of white, the purity and refresh of the land, calmed her. Although she didn’t adore the cold, she surely embraced a scene such as this.

Her self-confidence, ever so slightly shattered, with the various words and deeds becoming her norm. Reprogrammed, re-purposed, to ensure another’s emotional vacancy remain intact, she’d learned to finally say, ‘no’. She’d pushed away the moments of pain, to deny his pleasure inflicted upon her with harsh abundance. He was skilled, acquainted with the verse of words that escaped his mind, with his heart probably being left alone from a young and tender age. The spoilt spoiled person, wreaking havoc upon another.

Each time she’d tried, she was set to fail with his type of support behind her. She felt her own self-doubt infect, reaping away her energy to succeed within her life, unable to find that simple little belief that she needed. She’d watch others thrive or, even, smile as they did the simplest life tasks with ease. The self-doubt turned inwards, focused her thoughts into the cold, chastising melodramatic drama of angst and tears. She was, to her own eyes, worthless.

The cold followed her, calming her inner demons, until the day she finally started to listen. Each word, analysed. Each circumstance, reflected upon, until she finally and dramatically said one simple word, ‘no’. Other words were eventually raised from within her inner monologue, ‘no way’ and, ‘no chance’. She started to rise. Slowly, surely, each step upon the icy ground moving her forward.

Upon a cold day, a shallow day, void of emotional connections or sympathy, she finally said what she’d wanted to say for the longest of times. She calmly explained, exclaimed, that she was no longer willing to endure the pestilence of another’s failing emotional mind. She proclaimed that emotions were gentle, sympathetic, tender and kind. She stated that feelings were precious and that they were to be cared for, held, and embraced with the most tender kisses imaginable.

She, this person wrapped within the warmest blanket, had finally escaped the emotive ups and downs, with one brave, final, emotionally vacant explanation. She stood. She left. She moved forward but would never, ever, forget the cold she’d endured year after year. She, again, smiled, knowing, realising, that she’d finally and bravely, found her own cold safe exterior that would protect her precious, burning, healing heart.

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Friday, 4 October 2019


I think of you, in those small silent moments, when life manages to give me a second’s rest. Your smile, your face, your warm voice that used to hold my hand no matter the occasion, place or time. You were always there, even when I was bare, lost, emotional and hiding. You, above all, understood me.

I think of you, when I hold my emotional insides together with anything, everything, that I can find in that minute when I’m lost. All the strength, all that passion within me, expressed from the years of your silence when you wanted to say so much, but said so little, with mountains crashing into small hearts at the thought of your sadness.

I think of you, when I just want to give up. To throw myself to the ground, proclaiming that I’ve failed, forever more and the day today. You’d never let me fail, you’d always wish for me to stand, as that’s what you’d do. That’s what you’ve done, over all the years and abandoned fears held within. Your courage, that steadfast resolve, meant more to me than you will ‘never’ know.

I think of you. Often. Always. Forever, until there’s no-one, or nothing left, to remember you. There’s no doubt that I’ll see you again, one day, someday, with the moment of my own eyes closing for the last time, being the next time I smile. I’ll see your face, hold your hand and give you the biggest most amazing hug that I’ve saved.

I think of you, the same way that we all think about that loved one that’s no longer here. The person that’s loved us from the very second we appeared, until the moment we held your hand on that final day. Two times a day. Three. Maybe four. Possibly even ten times. Twenty, it matters not, as you’re always there. Each time I place a foot in front of my other foot, I think of you. It’s inevitable, it’s impossible not to do so, as I am, and always will be, made from you.

I think of you.

Monday, 30 September 2019


Paradise, that indefinable place that’s different for all of us, is the worth to which we aspire and welcome. From the very moment we’re born, we’re shown the way of the world, the words to use, how to act and what to aspire for. It’s the knowledge, the wisdom, the desire and more, that’s bestowed upon us generation after generation.

For some, holding a hand can be the only paradise that they’ve secretly wished for, fought for, cried for and bled. Such a simple little gift, the smiles returned, the moments that burn, in our hearts and minds, as a reminder that the warmth of another can keep all of the fears, further tears, at bay until that final day.

For others, there’s the desire for wealth, that stealth to somehow be above the others that surround you each and every single day. It’s a silent desire, as no words need be spoken as you drive that extra special car, to that resort or place that overlook so very, very much. The fine wines, the grand designs, all there for the taking if the world would just give you, I, them and us, a simple easy chance.

For the many, or should I say the few, as we truly do not know, there’s another form of paradise. Silence. To hear no other voice within their mind, the pure ecstasy of silence. Pure, refined, the lifelong struggle to calm one’s inner self. The rampaging and ravaging words that seldom offer relief, the nasty, submergent, notion that some how you’re simply, easily, not that good enough. The air you breath, a gift, that you barely even register as you push your own head into the dirt of life.

For the global love within all of us, there’s the small patter of feet. The baby, or puppy and cat delight, filling our world with love’s abundant life.  Each throw of a ball, each nudge of a hair filled paw, or the laughter of a child’s heart can remind us that we’re not alone. No longer, no more, as we’re with a purpose and live forever more for that one ideal. It’s beautiful, it’s wondrous, living for another life upon this very world.

For me, at this very second, there would be no other greater paradise than every single person working together. I’d ask us all to forget the lines upon a map. To forget the wars, the arguments, the petty colour lines and the temperature of our skins, as that’s just one of those things that hasn’t changed since the dawn of humankind. I would strip the wealth from the world, the garments, the expensive jewels and abandon false idols. The solitary notion that, to advance, we’d have to work together, to improve, would be the only fashion to which I’d weave. I’d crush the combustion chambers to which we bind our lives, instead looking to the very sunshine that brightens our days and lips.

But that, above, is just a crazy notion of a paradise that can never, ever happen. Instead, as a fall back, I’ll just accept that the only paradise that I would achieve would be the hand of another upon mine. That’s achievable as, just in case we’re still not on the same page, it would take a worldwide catastrophe to change our ways and even then, it would be an impossibility. Paradise, for all of us, will have to wait until the very day we realise that our next lives, may not even exist. Heaven help paradise upon this very world as it will never, ever, arrive within my lifetime.

Sunday, 29 September 2019


Lying upon the soft bed sheets, with the window open to the world outside, her thoughts simply kept on doing what they often did. Taunting her, annoying her, speaking words that simply tried to crush her dreams and ideals that she’d like to pursue. She didn’t wish to think this way, as she did truthfully believe in the word ‘fate’, the word that often seemed to ignore her just as her future was within her grasp.

Time. Again and again, that time had eluded her far too much. She’d often feel frustrated, annoyed, but that was like an old friend visiting to say hello once again. The familiar face, the same old same old, words or rhyme and idiotic reason coming together to keep her warm. She looked out into the dark sky, the half moon possibly asking for her thoughts to change, as her heart seemed to beat within her very ear. She consoled herself, reminded herself, that things could be far, far worse. She was warm, healthy, fed and living a reasonable life. She, of course, wanted more. A lot more. The sorrow, deep, expressive, once again pushed aside.

She would never say that she’d been deprived, as a youngster, as she didn’t know what she’d missed as it was never there. She simply wanted more, more love, more harmony and, just maybe, someone who actually adored her. She let out a small laugh as she reminded herself that her taste in men, would never quite manage to get to that ideal. Her platitudes tired her yet, right now, she could not sleep. She’d count sheep, but there were far too many beautiful stars to count. Her eyes became heavy, for a brief second, as her breathing slowed. She closed her eyes and, suddenly, felt the air brush past her body. She opened her eyes, as her shock flew to her heart, causing the beats to quicken as her mind caught up to the situation. Upon the balcony stood a man, with pure white wings.

She hunched herself into a ball against the headboard, as the spectre smiled. Unable to remove her gaze from his, she said nothing, remaining silent as he stepped into the room. He was, despite the fear, panic and possible threat, beautiful beyond compare. A statue of the perfect man made real, within her reach and bedroom. She controlled her mind, not quite understanding her raging, idiotic thoughts, as he stopped a few inches from her bed. She wanted to smile at him, maybe even run to the bathroom to check that she looked presentable, despite the situation, but that also defied belief.

He raised his hand in a calming gesture, as he spoke, “I’m not here to hurt you!” he said, with such a calm and comforting voice. His words were like the softest music playing within her ears, connecting to her heart and imagination. She bit the side of her lip, to see if she were sleeping, which only hurt. She’d watched enough films to realise that he must be having some type of effect over her body, as well as mind. She simply could not take her eyes away from him. Muscular, taut, the type of body that she’d only seen a few times, but never managed to get into her room to do all of those things she loved to do. A dream or not, she remained curled up, safe, hesitant to move. She’d scream, but the chances of anyone hearing her, were remote in such a location.

“What do you want?” she asked with fear, interest and confusion all mixed together. He did, after all, have wings straight from some type of science fiction film or a holy picture.

“Don’t you want more from your life? I could hear your thoughts from a thousand miles away!”

She nodded, once, no longer able to do anything more than listen to each and every single word being spoken. Influenced, inflicted and maybe mildly conflicted, she knew that she did want more from her life. It was obvious. Her day to day meanderings bored her, deadened her joy for the moments that she once found fulfilling. He continued to speak with that glorious voice of his,
“I can offer you everything you desire, give you that charisma, the drive, to seek out your given opportunities and become something more!”

Her mind started to somersault as images flooded her consciousness. The holidays, the cars, the moments and aspiration to be noticed by all, allowed her to lower her defences as she decided to no longer hide herself. She moved away from the headboard, slowly, resting upon her legs directly in front of him, looking into his glorious eyes. “Tell me more,” she asked, with an odd vibrant interest and glee she’d not felt for years.

“There are some people that are meant for more, to be liked more, loved more, with anyone else that has a different opinion being a jealous hater. You… are meant for more. Make the choice, change your life, make it so, and I will bestow upon you the confidence you need!”

Her smile grew, her soul literally warmed her chest, as butterflies appeared within her stomach. She’d pinch herself but, after biting her lip, it might not be the best decision. She nodded, hearing his words, accepting them, embracing them as her own, as she answered, “I accept your offer!” A part of her mind tried to scream in defiance but, as with many choices of desire, lust and life, it was now far too late.

“But you haven’t heard the price of such things?”

She shrugged her shoulders, knowing that she was, more or less, already dead inside. She had a thousand ways to find sanctuary, a better place, but knew that she’d ignore them all for that fast track ticket to the same destination.

“I don’t care!”

“Are you sure?  It’s your very soul!”

She laughed, wondering if she actually had such a thing, after the scenes that she’d witnessed through her life. She’d completely accepted, as she continued staring into his beautiful eyes, failing to notice his wings slowly changing colour.

“Is that all?” she asked with genuine interest, soulfully wondering if such a moment was real.

“Well,” he said, as he pulled at her lingerie strings, his dark black wings further enticing her,  “maybe one other thing!”

She smiled, she laughed, as she then pulled him on top of her as she felt his lips against hers. If a soul was the only reason to have the perfect life, then she’d gladly, openly, truthfully and forever more, give such a thing away.

Sunday, 22 September 2019


In this life, I do not ask for a great deal. I’m as honest as I can be and, at times, maybe even a bit too honest. I hurt, I bleed, I fall and struggle. But, no matter what happens, I still manage to stand. Always, forever and ever, until my very last breath. I know I can say too much, write even more, even say the wrong words at the right times, but my heart is and always will be, in the right place.

I ask not of you, what I can do myself, within reason. I’ll never be the beauty in this thing that we have. I’ll never own a smile as deep and rich as yours, that type of smile that warms my heart, removes any tears and, in those moments, raises a fire that even I never thought I could find. I’m an imperfect person, realising that I can nearly hold that perfection within my hand whenever you’re near.

I know, I know, major cheese filled words, as beautiful as they are. Maybe that’s why you’re with me, beside me, as that’s what we need more of in this silly mixed up world. That remix, of sorts, the day to day becoming more about the time together. I love you. Always have, even when I didn’t even know you existed. I believed. I knew. I damn well knew.

I recall that day when I heard you crying, about something that you thought was ever so silly. You’re human and, in that moment, I realised that there is pain behind those eyes of yours. We don’t get here without a few knocks and punches to the heart. Heck, that’s why I kiss you the way I do. I’m trying to get through to those scars, one simple little kiss at a time.

I’m here, you’re there, which means that I’m going to stand beside you for as long as I can. I’m not going to lie, to say forever, as that’s not very realistic. My forever may end tomorrow and, until then, I’ll do what I can.  Take that bullet for you. Pull you from a car crash. Hold your hand as the world falls around you. Dance, if you wish to laugh, hold you close, when you need to love and more. I’m not supposed to make you tremble, unless my name is upon your lips. I’m not supposed to make you cry, unless you’re saying, 'I do!'

In this life, I do not ask for anything from anyone. I’m as honest as I will be and, within moments, maybe not enough. I laugh, I smile, I fly and fight. But, no matter what happens, I still manage to love. Always, forever and ever, until my very last breath. I know I can say too much, write even more, even say the wrong words at the right times, but my heart is and always will be, in the right place.

However, if I were to ask one thing, as silly as it sounds, I just want one thing from you. I just, simply, wish to be your hero.

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