Today...

Today, on this singular solitary motionless day, I died. I exhaled my last living loving breath.  You see, you've heard, you've even known, that today might be your last ever day on this wonderful world but do you, we, or I,  even consider that today might be the day?  Sure, of course, it’s obviously something that we seldom think about but, today, I had no choice.

On this last day I imagined all of the things that I’d wanted to do and, as I knew what was about to happen, I realised the wonders of the world. What if this were you, tomorrow, a day next week, what would you do and think before the event? Would you envision a wondrous rapture of woeful wishes?

Maybe you’d plan a trip to that special place that you've put off forever or, maybe, you’d speak the unspoken words that have rested within your tongue for an age. Would you run through fields like a crazy person, would you relax in a bubble bath of splendour and bliss or, even, be extra naughty and run wild throughout the day?

If I had a chance, if I’d have been given a choice, I’d have visited the last remaining countries in Europe. I’d have kissed everyone goodbye, in person, then smiled and laughed recalling the events of the long gone world. I might have borrowed a car for a quick test drive or laughed in the face of a politician.  I’d have written more, far more, expressed all that I needed to vanquish, required my mind to state, but that offering has now vanished like the air that we seldom see.

Don’t be afraid, release less than a tear, today is the day that I died and maybe I’ll live forever more. Think about it, realise the premise, understand what I'm trying to say and act. We believe ourselves to be immortal despite the evidence in our own skin. We understand the frailty of life yet fail, utterly fail, to what we wish to do. Are we afraid? Are we trapped? Maybe it’s a mixture of both. Money makes the world go round yet keeps us shackled to chains of life and little substance. How much is enough? What happiness shall it bring?

Today, this singular solitary motion filled day, I lived and did that extra little bit. Do more. Be more. Set your goal and go for it. Today might be your last day and after that… there’s nothing more to say.

In the last week 11,434 passed away in the U.K.  I know that it’s easy to say but we really do need to make our dreams come to life!

Footnote:

It’s been mentioned that I’m feeling depressed for writing these blog posts. Not at all. I’m actually quite happy but, like writing a sad song or expressing a thought, that moment or writing is that moment and not an expression of my actual, living, daily emotional and physical state.

Part of the Universe

Looking to the sky, the wilderness beyond our imagination, I envision a place of pure fantasy where we no longer fall down.  The holding of hands, the flowing clouds of wonder, it’s all there right above our minds. I could think all day, or while I sleep amongst those same said clouds, but when I’ve finished what I’m trying to say we’re but a speck of dust within the wonders of the universe.

Which way should I now look, left, maybe right, or back into the wonder of miracles? We think we’re special, we think that we’re above the imaginative creation of life but in all honesty we’re but specks of dust in the thoughts of our children. From another cloud I imagine that we’re all connected, together, in a puzzle of pure simplicity that may never be completed by human kind. Life can be simple, existence can be wondrous, yet each generation is committed to complete the same sins of their parents. Around and around, again and again, we all break then heal, we all make the same mistakes yet manage to smile and more.

What should I say, how can I remain standing, in the awe of what’s around each and every single one of us. We’re tainted by the lathering of monetary values, the need to have more and more while, at the same time, gasping to enjoy the simplest requirements that life can offer. We admire sunshine yet remain indoors. We flirt with destiny yet fear the first step. We hold our hands out to be loved yet push away the very people that could do just that. We’re waiting for perfection, the amazing painting that we’ve dreamed of since our first realisation of being together with another, while never realising that nothing, on this world, will ever be perfect.

Wait a moment, did I just write that, did I just mention that nothing on this world is perfect? I’m sorry, I apologise, I recant my expression, I erase the words with my lips and fall to one knee. The universe is perfect, this world is perfect, each kiss is perfect, each moment of holding a hand is above compare and, now that I think about it, each and every single one of us is a perfect painting of endless descriptive nature.

Looking back to the sky, the clear view within our eyes, I witness a mountain of amazing clarity. We are all connected, be it via blood,  moments, kisses or just that smile we’ve passed to another while walking through todays life. It is, unfortunately, a shame that we kill, we destroy, we damage and fail one another. We’re living in a perfect world, the endless universe of possibilities and, if we’d just spend a moment to turn off the devices that claim our lives, we’d realise that no matter what we think… we’re all, exactly, unusually, wondrously… the same. We’re human. We’re pure energy. We’re star elements. We’re amazing and, right now, alive.

Be magical. Be more.

Valentine's Day

Closing the door, while looking across the hallway, he placed the bags full of gifts onto the chair with care. He, after all, didn’t want to smash a luxury bottle of Coche-Dury Corton-Charlemagne Grand Cru all over the floor or, heaven forbid, crack a bottle of Hermes Perfume 24 Faubourg. He’d been extravagant, maybe even a little silly, but she was worth it.  To him, however, it was more than money. He appreciated her, loved her, wanted her and, above all, knew that they enjoyed each other.

His mind flicked through various thoughts, settling upon a number, realising that they’d been together for a year, maybe more, but during that time they’d managed to literally complement each other with ease. It was madness, nearly crazy, how they’d managed to find each other but the wait was worth it in the end.

Loosening his tie, from the corner of his eye, he noticed that the door across the room opened and, as he smiled, he knew she was there. Yeah, of course, he’d sent a text saying that he’d be home in 45 minutes but today was that day, the special day, where they were finally alone in a house with no interruptions or questions. Just the two of them. For hours. Finally.

As the Ermenegildo Zegna Venticinque silk tie slid away from the shirt he dropped it to the floor and raised his eyes to meet her view. His eyes settled onto her smile, her lips, onto those seductive eyes and, at that moment, he could feel his heart rate increase with each passing micro-second. She smiled, just a small smile, but that smile spoke volumes and expressed her intentions. Heck, even without the smile, he knew exactly what was on her mind especially seeing as she was wearing a Carine Gilson outfit. She’d shown him the outfit, in the retailers, a few weeks previous and, being him, he’d forgotten all about it until right now. In fact, as his eyes gazed upon the woman in front of him he’d never, ever, forget the outfit again.

Moving, slowly, towards her, he started to unbutton his shirt, one button at a time, ensuring that he could make this moment last as long as possible. After he reached the other end of the room he knew that it would all just be a blur of breathing, passion, a few loud words and a lot of lust. 

He’d spent the last few months trying to perfect his body, just for this night, as he’d spent quite a lot of time working and, as of last night at 18:00 hours, his project was over. His life could begin again, he’d reached his goals and right now he had perfection to achieve. The shirt slid from his frame and again, just like the tie, it fell to the floor. There were only a few more metres to go but he, again, intended to make them last. His slip on shoes quickly flew away, as did his socks. 

The belt moved through the holder and, pushing his thumbs into his trousers as to collect his HOM shorts, he stopped walking for the briefest moment as he pulled both of them down to the floor while keeping both eyes firmly looking at her. She smiled a little naughty smile as he stood straight again. He could feel her eyes start to look down and, of course, hopefully she’d appreciate all the hard work he’d put into getting to his current shape. He’d worked damn hard and, in a few moments, he was going to work even harder.

Finally, at last, she was there right in front of him. He stood so close as to take in her warmth, her aura. Leaning slightly forward he kissed her red lips and, as he moved to her neck, whispered, “I’ve missed you!” She replied that she’d also missed him with that voice of hers that got to him every single time. Looking back into her eyes he could feel himself getting hard and, although he loved her beyond compare, right now, he just wanted to show her how much he wanted her. “Happy Valentine’s day… I brought home a few presents!” She looked down and then, with her eyes, back into his, 

“I can see that“, she replied, “I’ve got something for you as well!”

Happy Valentine’s Day to the Lovers out there.

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a heart that pounded with such force that whomever it met, wherever it lived, it would bring smiles and laughter. This heart, a heart amongst hearts, lived days of days, dreamed of magic during the night and awoke to see the world in such a passionate way. Some would say, others would whisper, many would fawn, but all would admire such beauty.

Once upon a time, not in that much of a distant past, the same heart grew from a mere child, a fledgling, a thought in training, to an experienced heart. It still went about its business with gusto, with pride, knowing that each day was but a gift from another power. Maybe, it dreamed, each day was created from a magnitude of hearts all wishing for something better than the day before.

Once upon a time, in years gone by, the heart started to feel, started to pine and wondered what else was out there. A heart beating, after all, required unity, a rhythm, a collaboration or majesty of ideals. With each passing day, the moving moments, the heart began to beat one less pulse each and every single day.

Once upon a time, a few years moved from memory, a heart met another heart and jumped for joy. Like an electric spark, a jolt of life, the heart beat faster than ever and truly found what it was like to fly. Although the heart knew that a world existed outside of its shell, its form, it could still feel the rhythm of its everlasting companion. They beat in unison, together, forever, maybe even longer and throughout each day and silent nights.

Once upon a time, within a day that should never be remembered, the heart awoke to find only its own tempo. It beat faster, then slower, then faster again. It panicked, bringing tears to the outside world, it tried to leap from its chest but found no solace or escape. Whimpering, screaming, begging for mercy or an end to it all, the beats faltered, the beats started to fail and only a whisper remained.

Once upon a time, after understanding and succour, with the resonance of others the heart started to find its cadence again. It wanted to skip, wanted to rise away from the depths of its feelings but the blood of old remained. Rising, slowly, away from it all the world started to become brighter. Once again did the beats recur.

Once upon a time, maybe even today, the heart remains strong and has understood the life that it has lived. It relishes the memories, beats for today and wonders about tomorrow. It has a strong beat, a confident beat, a resonance upon many and a pulse of magnificence.

…A happy ever after until that final day…

The Mountain

The small drops of sweat fall from my brow, moving with such speed that tired eyes barely struggle to find enough energy to focus. I place a hand onto the grass covered rock, steadying, stopping and taking a moment to exhale tragically beaten air taken from exhausted lungs. Looking around with squinting eyes due to the sunshine beating down onto my frame, heating, expelling further energy, ensuring that each step and thought is harder than the next.

With my other hand I rub my eyes, removing the grief sustained and built over the years, the moments that have made me blink in amazement, shock, fear or even moments of joy. It’s a struggle, it’s easy, it’s magnificent and above all, that great big mountain of life that we all must climb. I let go of the rock, placing my hands either side of my body and stretch my back. A smile reaches my mouth as my spine thanks me for the sudden gesture of relief, a few seconds respite, before I carry on forward.

I could say that the climb’s been hard, that it’s battered my body to within an inch of its life but, if I’m brutally honest, it hasn’t. Sure, yeah, I’ve had the moments of tears, the screaming aloud while driving, the seconds of anguish that still haunt my  heart and still present in my mind when I look to the side of my soul, but compared to others, compared to hidden moments, I’m thankful for what I have and where I’ve been.

I place a foot forward and then bring the other foot in front of the other, moving, again, inching away from the path trodden before. Each second, hour, day, moves me ever forward to the mountain top where I meet the end, the everlasting sunshine where everything turns to white and my smile finally fades. I know I cannot go back, I know that I have my memories of each person, of each place, of the kisses and crimes and weeks of silence.

I turn my head to look behind, to see what’s been left behind but I stop myself. Instead I look down and then, just then, I become sad knowing that I’ve made mistakes, I’ve said some awful things and done even worse but, when I look up the mountain, when I turn to look up again, that’s time that I can never get back, that I can never return to. I remind myself to let it go. I reprimand myself and silently apologise to those that I have wronged.

No, never, not again, not in this place, in my life and this moment. I must move forward and although I can see the distance in its faded fashion, although I can envision such a melody playing in the days to come, I know that each step I take on this very day, right now, will form what I hope will be my future. As my legs ache and my hearts forces me to venture again I take another step and, at the start of each day, that is all I can do. Take another step. Never give up. Never stop. Never fade. Never, ever, ever, let the people climbing the mountain next to you slow you down. It’s a challenge, it’s a kind of race, it’s all a certain conclusion that together or apart, we’ll all reach the top one day.

Another step moves forward and I notice that I no longer need to carry my guilt. I no longer need to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. We can forgive, we may never forget, but why carry these things up this mountain? I stop, again, to reflect. I need this trip to be as light as possible, to be free of doubt, free of pain, light of heart and with eyes of hope. Licking my dry bottom lip I drop the guilt to the side of me, letting it fall into the wind and, as it flies away, I wonder why I hadn’t accepted my part in things years back. It may have taken those years, it may have weighed the same as a hundred hearts upon my shoulders, but once you accept what has happened you can let it go. It was my fault, it was your fault, it was the fault of the world but in the end… it matters not.

I move, smiling as I go, holding out my hands, waiting for another to place their faith onto my fingertips. I might be moving, people might be moving, but for a few moments, maybe even for a day or a year, I can hold the hand of another person. Let them go, welcome them in, never own them and let them be free. I ask nothing less or more on this journey.

I notice that I’m still smiling and, for some reason, each footstep is getting easier and a bit quicker. It takes a while but, in the end, life can get easier. My foot, along the way, has managed to get stuck a few times and although I asked for help, although I faltered, I knew that I always had the power to free myself from the quagmire. It is fear that halts all of us, it is pain that seems to make each of us weak, believing that we cannot climb on our own. Take that step, raise your weary body, dust yourself down and keep climbing.

Tomorrow, the next day, maybe in a few minutes, I’ll see you on the climb and, hopefully, I’ll be smiling and so will you. After all no-one ever said that this climb was going to be easy but, as long as we’re in charge of our footsteps, we have to make them count.

See you soon x

Armour

Slowly, deftly, with precision, the blade edge moves across the wooden surface, sculpting, crafting the image to my defined design. I pause, reflect, muse, decide then continue. Usually, when creating an item of worth, you roughly know what you’re going to make but on this occasion, right now, I know exactly what I need.

I’ve been thinking and, after seeing the world for what it is, I feel that I need to make a small change. It’s not dramatic enough to make a scene or ruckus, it’s not worth shouting about, but it’s a needed change nonetheless and worth the wait. Maybe we should all make small changes, maybe we could all be better and, just maybe, we could make ourselves heal.

With an increased amount of force I make a small ‘v’ indentation into the wood, cutting each side with the eye of an expert, making sure that both sides feel equal. There’s always a balance to things in life, always, as nature has shown time and time again. As people we often destroy such balance be it emotional, physical and spiritual or even unseen elements.

There, it’s nearly done, it’s just about complete. I’ve created myself a new heart, a heart of wood, a living breathing armour that can grow, that can heal, that stays grounded through me, within me, ready to take life’s struggles, life’s harsh words and, above all, steady when faced with my own failures. It’s taken many years, it’s proven to be a challenge but, finally, it’s ready and so am I.

Maybe I’ll take orders, create a few more, maybe I’ll bestow wisdom while relishing the moment to learn more or, failing all of that, maybe I’ll just keep it all a secret. After all, when the world turns off for the night, we need to keep ourselves safe and warm.

Slowly, deftly, with precision, the heart awakens with its new found strength. I react, start to wonder if it should have been made from a stronger substance,  I then hear the beating, I smile at the thought and venture into the world again. 

Rain

As an ocean of sound, an avenue of rain, pours onto the world on this dark dusky chilled night I gather my thoughts that still remain. With fingertips that touch with the promise of holding a rose I gather the memories of the past, I grasp the ideals of a perfect future and firmly hold onto this very day. It’s now, it’s happening, it’s life, real, realistic, relished, rampant and at times a rancorous notion.

At what moment would or should I say how I feel? Shall I remain stagnant, remise my responsibility to ensure life vibrates at the harmonious frequency that we crave? There is little solace to be found with saying nothing until tomorrow. This is nothing but a fervour to hold onto what was said the previous day while, all along, the only words that really matter are the words spoken at the very second that the sound leaves your precious, pure, sensitive, seductively passionate and enticing lips. I want to hear you all over me, all day, all night, forever until the silence appears at the very end of everything.

I can still hear the tapping of the rain behind the rapacious thoughts, the beating threads attached to my minds living energy being expelled into the void. Come now… hear me, listen to me, feel my thoughts around you, within you, tasting your skin and wishing that yesterday didn’t happen, that today would be a different day, with tomorrow starting, being, then ending with you and only you.

I know that I shouldn’t want… you. I know that there’s rules, regulations, lines, paths that can never be explored but who said that it had to be this way? Whom indeed. No-one, not one person, not one voice, will ever stop the thoughts that escape. We’re dreamers, we’re full of hope, smiles, joy, until that day it’s finally taken from us. I don’t care what they say, what they do, they’ll never take this away from me, from us, from you.

When all has been spoken and the thoughts thrown to the world, I’ll remain here, still, vigilant, aware, poised to take any advantage that I can. I’m alive, I’m real, I’m part of the bigger plan and that, alone, will remain. Tomorrow need not exist, yesterday seems to fade with each second and today is all I require. Today. Today is you, today is me and today is every single person deciding to be more than they were the day before.

As an ocean of sound, an avenue of rain, pours onto the world on this dark dusky chilled night I gather my thoughts that still remain. With a new understanding I’m finally free of the past, I’m planning for a better future and today… yes today, will be the day that I make things the way they should be. We’re now, this is our lives, raw, a live recording, no test scripts, so let’s stand, grasp today and simply… be what we’re meant to be.