Monday, 19 February 2018


The door slammed, the sound sending her two centimetres into the air with the fright. She had no idea what she was doing, why she was really here, but this was something that she had to do. She’d selected the appropriate outfit, dressed all in black, while not avoiding her favourite shoes, which thankfully matched. This was something that she’d not actually dreamed that she’d ever entertain, but with her thoughts constantly pushing her to take action, this was exactly what she intended to do.

For far too long she’d stayed in the background, with events unfolding around her, timid, while tense, wondering if she’d ever put that first foot forward. No, of course not, that wasn’t her personality at all. A wall flower, a hesitant follower of all things, all the while wishing to be something more. Her destiny, above all, was within her grasp and that was why she was here, right now, doing all of this.
It must have taken two weeks of constant mental juggling, the ever fighting thoughts threatening to spiral out of control, but no more. She was taking control, moving forward, even if it meant breaking into someone’s house. It wasn't difficult, with the person in question hardly taking security seriously, so this should be easy.

Approaching the inner door, after somehow slamming the entrance, she turned the handle as slowly as she could and, as the inches crept into view, she noticed the Rhodesian Ridge-back turn its head. Towards her. With a bark, quicker than she could actually act, the dog bounded from the floor towards the door with a growl. She quickly closed the door, her mind ablaze with running, escaping, but she’d not come this far to give up so easily.

Opening her black handbag, strewn across her shoulder, she flicked various items around before finding what she needed. Holding the lip gloss in her left hand she unscrewed with the right. It cost a mild fortune but would hopefully be worth it. Behind the door she could hear the dog barking, the growling menace with raised hair. With a gentle hand she opened the door, ever so slowly, holding the gloss, open, tempting the dog to take a lick of the unknowing treat. A sigh of relief escaped as the bait was taken and the door opened that little bit further. 

Stroking gently, a new found friend, she stepped into the hallway and closed the door. Across from her she found a chew toy, throwing it into the nearest room, with one more obstacle taken care of. To her left she glanced into a large front room, surrounded by windows and possibly the largest sofa she’d seen. To her right, another large room, with another sofa, nearly an echo of the other room albeit with a dog throwing around a toy. In front, of course, sat the main hallway and staircase. Putting the gloss away, into her bag, she made a mental note to throw it away at a later date as she advanced.

With each step carefully placed she moved up the stairs, just in case the slamming door, or barking dog, didn't wake anyone. She was, after all, wearing a scarf around most of her face but she still wanted advance warning if she had to run. Heart beating, adrenaline running, she was pretty confident that no-one was home. Just yet. Reaching the top she surmised that the main bedroom would be to the rear and so ignored the room to the left and carried on forward. 

If she had time, if this were a different location or situation, she might even take time to take in the lush paintings. Whomever had designed this house had taken their time but, when all was said and done, she wasn't here for that sort of thing. This was serious. This was happening right now.

Reaching the end of the upstairs hallway she pushed the ajar door, moving it forward with a fingertip. This was it, where she’d find what she’d been looking for. Answers, to many questions, resolutions, to the over thinking mind. As she took one step into the dark room, moving from the ambient light behind her, she heard the dog, which she’d left playing downstairs, bark and then she heard what she’d hoped that she wouldn't. Or, at least, this soon. The door, downstairs, opened and then closed. The echo hit her ears and the panic started. She wasn't prepared, not even close to being ready, but this moment would have to do. “Now or never,” she whispered to herself and her inner demons. Removing the scarf, throwing it into the void in front of her, she stepped behind the door into the dark that calmly welcomed her.

Footsteps, moving closer, increased her heartbeat. It seemed that her own heart threatened to send her spiralling but she calmed herself, took stock of the situation, knowing that the consequences needed to be damned. Her choice, her actions and her resolution. A few seconds moved forward and, as she froze, for the briefest moment, a figure appeared to her side with their back facing her. The figure, standing still, stood there probably wondering why the front gate was slightly open. Her mind shouted at her to move and, with a brave fleeting moment, she forced her limitations aside and embraced the demon sitting on her shoulder. 

Pushing the door as hard as she could, with the room descending to darkness as it closed, she stepped forward and, as he turned, she spoke, “It’s me,” she said, softly, hoping that he’d quickly come to terms with someone suddenly being in his house. A second quickly vanished as she felt his arms wrap themselves around her, the warm kiss appearing against her lips from the darkness. Lifting her she wrapped her legs around his waist, letting his warmth embrace her, as the kisses became deeper, tasting her, ensuring that any doubt moved from her thoughts. 

The last lingering murmurs fell from her mind, the previous messages he’d sent fading into the past. The long nights alone, those days glancing across the room, wondering what he’d be like, how he’d feel, were about to end. Finally. She’d been brave, she’d been bold, she’d finally become the woman that took a chance. She’d smile, if he’d give her lips a chance to do something other than kiss, but the smiling could come later. Right now, it was time to feel free. It was time to commit the crime of letting go.

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