The windowpane creaked, ever so slightly, breaking the
silence within the near barren room. She’d thrown all of it away, out of her
life, hopefully freeing her mind and thoughts. Eyes closed, fists clenched upon
the floor, she listened to the silence. For a brief second, her thoughts
stopped as the ticking of the old clock invaded the empty space. She needed her
mind to simply stop. Taunted, haunted, as her heart literally banging against
her chest. It asked for him, begged for him to return, savaged and ravaged by
the events that had recently transpired. Her heart knew the truth, but the
innocence within her still wished and wanted to believe in something else.
Another path, all part of a dream, but the realism of the
events meant that a dream would be a merciful awakening. This was true to life,
ever present, the way of the world and her life. He’d said all the right
things. He’d completed all of the required actions and yet, despite her idiotic
emotions running away with their fantasy, her instincts warned her. They’d
shouted at her. It was no use. His kisses embraced her emotions. His touch
conveyed a warmth seldom felt. His words erasing her own letters, as she held
onto every single second of his time.
She felt the tears rise within her, again, as she wept her tears.
She couldn’t stop the feelings rising within her and, being honest, she knew
that she shouldn’t. ‘Let it go’, would be the words from her Mother’s lips. A
wise Woman, raising another wise Woman, despite falling yet again for a
charlatan, a liar, a thief of hearts and a lover of her body. She looked at her
tears resting upon the floor, realising and smiling, due to the thought of each
drop escaping her inner pain. She smiled through the tears, as her fist
scrubbed away the liquid in front of her.
She’d believed, she’d listened, she’d embraced every single
word that he’d exclaimed over the fire filled nights and enthusiastically
adventurous days. They’d worked together, that yang for the ying, the
encompassing tribunal of legal debauchery. She wanted him, actually desired
him, yearning for the second they’d see each other again. He’d greet her with
such gusto that she’d felt alive, her emotions and adrenaline rushing through
her very veins. Her body responded to his in such a way that she could have
literally died and, being honest, she’d have died happy. He presented himself
in such a fashion that his quirks interested her, fascinated her, due to being
an individual amongst the many. Her mind listened, answering, the stimulus
being more than physical.
More tears arrived, the clock still ticking, with each
second escaping. An emotion would rise with the tick, then escape with the
tock. She pushed her upper body from the floor, breathing in slowly through her
nose, then out from her mouth. She would find calm. She would escape this
ever-present trap to which she had bonded herself. No man, no person, neither
entity or fabrication, would hold her from the world for long. She’d loved
their time together, adored him, nearly loved him, despite his crushing
departure. Used, but not abused, she at least took solace in knowing that such
a person existed, actually desiring her, wanting her, to only then abandon her.
She changed her moving thoughts, locked them to the present
ideal. She knew what she deserved, what she required and desired within her
changing world, which meant that she could focus on finding that ideal. He was
gone, absent, away to enchant another mistress with his grace and charm. Her
fairy-tale would not stop here. She would strive forward, embrace the pain,
envelop the emotions and learn from them. She’d build from whatever this place
and moment represented.
Click to Listen
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.