Tuesday, 4 February 2020


The windowpane creaked, ever so slightly, breaking the silence within the near barren room. She’d thrown all of it away, out of her life, hopefully freeing her mind and thoughts. Eyes closed, fists clenched upon the floor, she listened to the silence. For a brief second, her thoughts stopped as the ticking of the old clock invaded the empty space. She needed her mind to simply stop. Taunted, haunted, as her heart literally banging against her chest. It asked for him, begged for him to return, savaged and ravaged by the events that had recently transpired. Her heart knew the truth, but the innocence within her still wished and wanted to believe in something else.

Another path, all part of a dream, but the realism of the events meant that a dream would be a merciful awakening. This was true to life, ever present, the way of the world and her life. He’d said all the right things. He’d completed all of the required actions and yet, despite her idiotic emotions running away with their fantasy, her instincts warned her. They’d shouted at her. It was no use. His kisses embraced her emotions. His touch conveyed a warmth seldom felt. His words erasing her own letters, as she held onto every single second of his time.

She felt the tears rise within her, again, as she wept her tears. She couldn’t stop the feelings rising within her and, being honest, she knew that she shouldn’t. ‘Let it go’, would be the words from her Mother’s lips. A wise Woman, raising another wise Woman, despite falling yet again for a charlatan, a liar, a thief of hearts and a lover of her body. She looked at her tears resting upon the floor, realising and smiling, due to the thought of each drop escaping her inner pain. She smiled through the tears, as her fist scrubbed away the liquid in front of her.

She’d believed, she’d listened, she’d embraced every single word that he’d exclaimed over the fire filled nights and enthusiastically adventurous days. They’d worked together, that yang for the ying, the encompassing tribunal of legal debauchery. She wanted him, actually desired him, yearning for the second they’d see each other again. He’d greet her with such gusto that she’d felt alive, her emotions and adrenaline rushing through her very veins. Her body responded to his in such a way that she could have literally died and, being honest, she’d have died happy. He presented himself in such a fashion that his quirks interested her, fascinated her, due to being an individual amongst the many. Her mind listened, answering, the stimulus being more than physical.

More tears arrived, the clock still ticking, with each second escaping. An emotion would rise with the tick, then escape with the tock. She pushed her upper body from the floor, breathing in slowly through her nose, then out from her mouth. She would find calm. She would escape this ever-present trap to which she had bonded herself. No man, no person, neither entity or fabrication, would hold her from the world for long. She’d loved their time together, adored him, nearly loved him, despite his crushing departure. Used, but not abused, she at least took solace in knowing that such a person existed, actually desiring her, wanting her, to only then abandon her.

She changed her moving thoughts, locked them to the present ideal. She knew what she deserved, what she required and desired within her changing world, which meant that she could focus on finding that ideal. He was gone, absent, away to enchant another mistress with his grace and charm. Her fairy-tale would not stop here. She would strive forward, embrace the pain, envelop the emotions and learn from them. She’d build from whatever this place and moment represented.

Standing, she wiped away the tears upon her skin, once again smiling, realising that the moments within her life were but the ticking of a clock. Each second, a gift. Each tear, a learned moment of change. She turned, walking over to the old Longcase clock, placing her hand against the glass covering the large hands. She nodded, her eyes blinking, as she recalled her Mother’s words, “There will be days like this, with some seconds worse than others. Time, a second, is all you need to heal everything!”

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