Friday, 4 October 2019


I think of you, in those small silent moments, when life manages to give me a second’s rest. Your smile, your face, your warm voice that used to hold my hand no matter the occasion, place or time. You were always there, even when I was bare, lost, emotional and hiding. You, above all, understood me.

I think of you, when I hold my emotional insides together with anything, everything, that I can find in that minute when I’m lost. All the strength, all that passion within me, expressed from the years of your silence when you wanted to say so much, but said so little, with mountains crashing into small hearts at the thought of your sadness.

I think of you, when I just want to give up. To throw myself to the ground, proclaiming that I’ve failed, forever more and the day today. You’d never let me fail, you’d always wish for me to stand, as that’s what you’d do. That’s what you’ve done, over all the years and abandoned fears held within. Your courage, that steadfast resolve, meant more to me than you will ‘never’ know.

I think of you. Often. Always. Forever, until there’s no-one, or nothing left, to remember you. There’s no doubt that I’ll see you again, one day, someday, with the moment of my own eyes closing for the last time, being the next time I smile. I’ll see your face, hold your hand and give you the biggest most amazing hug that I’ve saved.

I think of you, the same way that we all think about that loved one that’s no longer here. The person that’s loved us from the very second we appeared, until the moment we held your hand on that final day. Two times a day. Three. Maybe four. Possibly even ten times. Twenty, it matters not, as you’re always there. Each time I place a foot in front of my other foot, I think of you. It’s inevitable, it’s impossible not to do so, as I am, and always will be, made from you.

I think of you.

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