Saturday, 23 November 2019


Staring out, from behind the broken canopy, Henry remained calm. The perfect calm, overcoming every emotion, every thought, completely and most certainly accepting his fate and circumstance. He’d been trapped in this very spot, for over a day, with no water, food or chance of recovery. The solace that he afforded himself was a simple moment of acceptance. The reassurance embracing his fears, holding his cold body in place, with an oddly serene smile spread across his face.

He lifted his phone into view, the nine percent battery staring at him. No signal, no chance of calling anyone for help, or miraculous last minute save. He knew that this wasn’t the movies, or some television show, with the realism of life staring him in the face. He moved his leg, firmly twisted amongst the metal fragments all around, which didn’t even move a centimetre in any direction.

He smiled, again, damning his luck for the seventieth time. He closed his eyes, wondering what to do, trying to delay the obvious. That last message, the last chance to say what he needed to say before the inevitable took place, sprung to his mind. He’d lost blood, the dehydration not yet fully taking over his sanity, which meant this would probably be his last chance.

He tapped the phone’s screen, gesturing away the home screen, to then press the messaging icon. He wasn’t the most famous person within his circle, but liked, nonetheless. He forced a moderate smile, as the emotion rose within him. Maybe he should have sent more messages, asked more questions, enquired, or even said far more than he did.

He closed the messaging option, deciding to use the audio recorder instead. He pressed the record button and the screen changed. He started to speak, despite not really knowing what to say. He’d never envisioned the moment, where he would have to record his last few words.

Hello, I’m not sure if you’ll ever hear this, but I do hope that someone does.  I’m trapped, hanging over a cliff. Just my luck. Give me ten different ways to go and I’d never pick this. I’m not too sure what to say. What anyone would really like to hear. You’re all living your lives. Hopefully happy. Loved. Making things happen. I’ve always loved the thought of life working out for everyone. For me, not so much. I’ve loved, lost, loved again, then lost once more.

I’m scared. I’m alone. I’ve always felt alone. Surrounded by many, loved by most, the feeling never really leaves. Too scared to take a chance yet not alone enough to balance myself. I’ve been lost for such a long time. Hiding.

I don’t wish for any of you to feel sad, as this is life. Heck, I went whilst on an adventure. What more could any of us want? Yeah, I know, falling asleep holding the hand of the person you love, to leave in your sleep, is the best we can hope for, but that’s far too good for someone like me.

I’ve fought so hard, throughout my life, to do the right thing and I can tell you now… you won’t ever get anywhere if you do. Sure, you’ll stay safe, reliable, honest and even say that you’re a good person, but that’s not life. Who wants safe? You have to take chances.

I wished that I’d listened more. Even if the choice would rip you in two and hurt so much. Even if the sadness inside overwhelms until your mind spins. You have to embrace that decision. You can hold, you can grasp, you can beg and plead, but the choice has been made. It’s been the hardest thing in my life. Lonely. Being lonely. I’m now realising that none of us are meant to be on our own. It binds you, hurts ever part of you, yet to hold onto the fact that we have to be on our own, at times, is the lesson that can only be a beautiful thing.

I see so many unhappy people around me, clinging onto things or people that will never keep them warm. But who cares? We do what we do. We hold despite it all seeming wrong. The world can be a twisted, ugly, picture of art. Create your canvas, throw whatever you can at the design, then accept the imperfect image that you hold ever so close.

My life is done. I will miss you all. I love you all. I even needed you all, despite never asking for a thing. The burden of a person’s heart should be their own, unless they’re willing to find healing. I’m more or less healed. I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Despite still feeling numb most of the time.
It’s okay, as that’s the way of the world.

Henry closed his eyes, as he pressed the stop button. Done. Dusted. Over with. He pressed the home indicator, to then open his text messages. He typed a quick message, ‘check the recordings’, and then hovered his finger above the contacts button. He knew what was about to happen, the pause sending his mind crashing. He pressed the button, scrolling down the list, understanding that he had acquaintances, even friends, but not even one close personal confidant that he could call his own. His heart broke, the sadness rising, as he simply typed his own number and then pressed send.

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