Staring out, from behind the broken canopy, Henry remained
calm. The perfect calm, overcoming every emotion, every thought, completely and
most certainly accepting his fate and circumstance. He’d been trapped in this
very spot, for over a day, with no water, food or chance of recovery. The
solace that he afforded himself was a simple moment of acceptance. The
reassurance embracing his fears, holding his cold body in place, with an oddly
serene smile spread across his face.
He lifted his phone into view, the nine percent battery
staring at him. No signal, no chance of calling anyone for help, or miraculous
last minute save. He knew that this wasn’t the movies, or some television show,
with the realism of life staring him in the face. He moved his leg, firmly
twisted amongst the metal fragments all around, which didn’t even move a
centimetre in any direction.
He smiled, again, damning his luck for the seventieth time.
He closed his eyes, wondering what to do, trying to delay the obvious. That
last message, the last chance to say what he needed to say before the
inevitable took place, sprung to his mind. He’d lost blood, the dehydration not
yet fully taking over his sanity, which meant this would probably be his last
chance.
He tapped the phone’s screen, gesturing away the home
screen, to then press the messaging icon. He wasn’t the most famous person
within his circle, but liked, nonetheless. He forced a moderate smile, as the
emotion rose within him. Maybe he should have sent more messages, asked more
questions, enquired, or even said far more than he did.
He closed the messaging option, deciding to use the audio recorder
instead. He pressed the record button and the screen changed. He started to
speak, despite not really knowing what to say. He’d never envisioned the moment,
where he would have to record his last few words.
Hello, I’m not sure if you’ll ever hear this, but I do
hope that someone does. I’m trapped,
hanging over a cliff. Just my luck. Give me ten different ways to go and I’d
never pick this. I’m not too sure what to say. What anyone would really like to
hear. You’re all living your lives. Hopefully happy. Loved. Making things
happen. I’ve always loved the thought of life working out for everyone. For me,
not so much. I’ve loved, lost, loved again, then lost once more.
I’m scared. I’m alone. I’ve always felt alone. Surrounded
by many, loved by most, the feeling never really leaves. Too scared to take a
chance yet not alone enough to balance myself. I’ve been lost for such a long
time. Hiding.
I don’t wish for any of you to feel sad, as this is life.
Heck, I went whilst on an adventure. What more could any of us want? Yeah, I
know, falling asleep holding the hand of the person you love, to leave in your
sleep, is the best we can hope for, but that’s far too good for someone like
me.
I’ve fought so hard, throughout my life, to do the right
thing and I can tell you now… you won’t ever get anywhere if you do. Sure,
you’ll stay safe, reliable, honest and even say that you’re a good person, but
that’s not life. Who wants safe? You have to take chances.
I wished that I’d listened more. Even if the choice would
rip you in two and hurt so much. Even if the sadness inside overwhelms until
your mind spins. You have to embrace that decision. You can hold, you can
grasp, you can beg and plead, but the choice has been made. It’s been the
hardest thing in my life. Lonely. Being lonely. I’m now realising that none of
us are meant to be on our own. It binds you, hurts ever part of you, yet to
hold onto the fact that we have to be on our own, at times, is the lesson that
can only be a beautiful thing.
I see so many unhappy people around me, clinging onto things
or people that will never keep them warm. But who cares? We do what we do. We
hold despite it all seeming wrong. The world can be a twisted, ugly, picture of
art. Create your canvas, throw whatever you can at the design, then accept the
imperfect image that you hold ever so close.
My life is done. I will miss you all. I love you all. I
even needed you all, despite never asking for a thing. The burden of a person’s
heart should be their own, unless they’re willing to find healing. I’m more or
less healed. I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Despite still feeling numb most of
the time.
It’s okay, as that’s the way of the world.
Henry closed his eyes, as he pressed the stop button. Done.
Dusted. Over with. He pressed the home indicator, to then open his text
messages. He typed a quick message, ‘check the recordings’, and then hovered
his finger above the contacts button. He knew what was about to happen, the
pause sending his mind crashing. He pressed the button, scrolling down the
list, understanding that he had acquaintances, even friends, but not even one
close personal confidant that he could call his own. His heart broke, the
sadness rising, as he simply typed his own number and then pressed send.
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