Monday, 18 May 2020


“Just going for a shower!”

Sandra watched his fine behind walk away, her wanton smile approving of the view that disappeared around the corner. Things were, finally, seemingly coming together. He wasn’t perfect, which no man would ever be, but he was fun, silly, not even remotely modest and looked ever so good with no clothes on.

Normally, she’d be used to a guy with a bit more weight around their waist, but if she could drink that wine, or the wine of a finer blend, then that’s what she would do. The music, playing in the background, jumped forward as her thoughts returned to the moment. This place, the vineyard somewhere South of Paris, simply enthused her. She had never felt as calm as she felt right at this moment, despite wanting to join him in the shower. She would, she should, but certain parts of her body needed a rest from the previous night’s adventures, as well as the morning frolics.

The wine glass, in front of her, featured a fine blend of whatever was the most luxurious, for that day, which were compliments of the owner. She had travelled, seen many, many places, with none really featuring the view in front of her eyes. Outside, through the open doors, she could see the vineyards, smell their grandeur and enjoy the opulence of such a place. This was, to her heart and soul, a home away from home.

Her thoughts returned to Edward, that man, the man currently winding his way into her heart. He was, more often than not, at the tip of her thoughts, or tongue, depending on the time, place and circumstance. He was adventurous, magnificent, the eyes of a man that had probably stolen, or taken, a hundred different hearts. It was his eyes, his stunningly dark eyes, that seemed to pull her closer to him each time he whispered his usual filth ridden words. She’d never felt so desired, wanted, with her own fire becoming her waking days as well as nights.

The way he walked, the way he held her hand in his, made her feel protected, special, despite needing neither of those feelings. He had a way about him, the words he used, almost scripted yet still appreciated, as they felt warm and earnest. She smiled, knowing very well that the words gave way to the places where his hands, lips and body, did all of the talking. He was a furnace of passion, devouring her in so many, many ways. She could hardly breath, at times, yet he embraced her needs as if they were his very own.

As her thoughts ran away into the fired nights, to the side of her, Edward’s watch beeped. She ignored the sound as she, instead, returned to how he did that very special thing with his lips. The watch beeped again. She turned, grabbing the device with annoyance. She didn’t know why he had to have his phone synched to his watch.  She looked at the device, which ideally wasn’t really even a watch, as it featured so many tricks and apps that she simply didn’t wish to understand. She watched as the screen switched on, displaying a new message.

‘do u remember that nite? xxx’

Her eyes widened, as her heart started to beat that little bit faster, her throat becoming heavy as the emotional lump appeared. She stared at the phone, her breathing becoming shallow, as yet another message appeared.

‘u did that thing with ur lips xxx’

She closed her eyes, knowing very well what this meant, how things would move forward. This wasn’t the first time in her life that this had happened. The sexting. The sharing of affection with another. She’d use other words, but the situation was already accepted. Another message appeared.

‘can u get away, tomorrow? Xxx’

She placed the watch back onto the same spot, beside her. She swallowed her emotions, fighting back the inevitable tears, knowing very well that some men would never, ever, commit to one Woman. They were like the finest wine, adored, wanted, wished for yet, so very, very unattainable. She stood, moving the chair away with the back of her legs, collecting her things to place them into her purse.

Her thoughts rampaged through her mind, as she grasped at some type of normality to return her to normal. She could leave her clothes, every single item, as they were bought by him. That man. The idiot that had proclaimed so much, yet offered her nothing but scolded dreams and idiotic notions of finding happiness in the arms of one person. She walked out of the folded doors, to the side of the building, towards the hire car. She double checked her purse for her passport and the decision was made. She could shout, she could scream, she should unleash her rage upon him, but nothing, no matter what was said or done, would change the situation. She would never, ever, give him the satisfaction of knowing why or how she had vanished.

She opened the car door, reaching into her purse for her phone. Swiping to the left, she opened the contacts and scrolled to the relevant letter, blocking his name. He was, from this moment forward, just ‘another’.


Daniel opened his eyes, feeling the heavy weight of his morning mind push the waking light away. He ran his hand over his face, knowing that it was time to finally get out of bed. His weary body, asking him to actually stretch before bed, or in the morning, reminded him that he wasn’t getting any younger. He smiled, reaching for the notepad beside him, knowing what was about to happen. From the very second his mind roused itself from sleep, he knew that new memories were on the way.

With the pen at the ready, he waited for the scenes to appear, waiting for the details, her face, her lips, her words and her actions to make themselves clear. He could see a vineyard, a beautiful setting, with a man called ‘Edward’. She was with him, Sandra, until he’d finished his shower. Daniel felt the man’s confusion, his loss, at losing such a woman without understanding why she had left. Daniel continued scribbling, writing down the last text message that Edward sent, which was, ‘I’m sorry, but I cannot meet on Thursday. I’ve finally found someone that I want to stay with. Sorry xx’

Daniel continued writing as much detail as he could immediately recall, onto the notepad. This was now the fourth person to appear within his memories. They were so vivid, with Daniel seemingly, almost, living their lives up until the point Sandra left them. Another month, another new person, with her beauty filling his mind. All of this baffled him, confused him, but he would, at least, eventually find the answer as to why this was happening.

He’d finally booked the appointment that he should have booked many, many months previous when all of this had started. He couldn’t fathom, understand, let alone find any reason as to why he kept seeing her through the yes of someone else.


Sandra looked out of the window, as the plane started to accelerate from the runway. She was on her way home, finally. She felt solemn, confined to the acceptance of her situation. As she leaned her head back onto the seat, she closed her eyes to relax. Immediately, thankfully, she finally accepted that she needed to sleep, especially after the recent events of her life. Her mind searched for thoughts, other than Edward, as a familiar image reached into her mind.

She’d seen him a few times, just out of focus, as she walked into a room that she’d never seen before. The light, behind him, meaning her eyes couldn’t focus upon his face. She did not know why she kept seeing him, or how, but she went with it. Anything was better than feeling the sadness within her soul. This was, either way, the end of another day.


“How do you explain it?” asked Daniel, running his hand through his hair, worried.

“I’d hardly call this the standard dissociative identity disorder, which can happen after a trauma or near-death experience.” Replied the gentleman sat across from him.

Daniel shook his head side to side, partly accepting the immediate response. This wasn’t normal, or standard. This wasn’t supposed to happen to him, let alone anyone else.

“Then why do I only recall their lives, their time with her, until their relationship ends?”

The expert shrugged his shoulders, realising that the situation required further study, which was firmly disconnected from his area of expertise. Daniel looked out of the large window, not quite understanding, yet somehow accepting that he had the lives and memories of other individuals within his own. Every second, meeting her, until the very day that they each left her. Each of them dated her, failed her, with the memories fading from that point forward.

One of the men, known as David, had lived a quiet life, not reaching out to many or living dangerously. Daniel felt sorry for the person, living such a quiet life, yet wondered why he felt anything at all for someone he’d never actually known. It was almost like standing beside someone over the term of a relationship. Start to finish, watching, knowing, feeling what they felt, yet still disconnected.

One of the lives within his mind, had lived an extravagant life, a full life with all of the parties, adventures and artefacts that money could buy. He had met Sandra upon a cruise, sailing from Island to Island, with the love and fire blinding the both of them to what they actually wanted from life. After the cruise that relationship faded quickly, until both seemingly stopped contacting each other.

The next life, he’d experienced upon waking, was the life of a kind man, a pious individual, that simply wished to be at peace with the world. Daniel surmised that this would have been at a time where Sandra wished to explore life, to find herself, with the eventual separation coming from a person changing and the other remaining the same. Neither broken, both happy. Then, Edward.

Daniel exhaled slowly, wondering when the next avalanche of memories would hit him. Over the last year, he’d grown to become a different person, a learned individual that could see the world through the eyes of many, many individuals. His outlook had become one formed within the grey area of understanding. Neither the black, or the white, meant much to him anymore.

“Have you ever wanted to meet Sandra?” asked the psychiatrist.

Daniel smiled, knowing very well that the answer could either be yes, or no. He’d never met her, never really known her, but he knew what her favourite colour was. He knew her dislikes, as well as her likes. He knew exactly where she loved to be touched, how she demanded to be needed, as well as how her heart ached to simply be loved. He’d seen her at the worst of times, the best, as well as the vacant moments of despair. He knew her. He actually loved her, yet, had never, ever, once met her.

Daniel nodded, “Not in person, but the others have! You might as well say that I’ve already met her.”

“Have you ever thought about finding her?”

Daniel’s face changed, as he looked down at the carpet, realising that he was actually afraid of doing just that. Meeting her. Finding her. Knowing her in person. He’d been rejected by her, lost from her, fading away and more. The love and loss, the fear built within a person, could not be denied by anyone. After a while, you gave up trying to be something, anything, with someone. The walls close in, the defences raised, growing weary, whilst simply wishing to be with one person. The right person, if such a person existed.

Daniel rested back onto the large leather chair, thinking, wondering what to do. He did want to find her, to know her in person, instead of the second-hand memories and random moments of someone else’s life.

“Okay, I would like to find her.” As he spoke the words, he felt fear rise within him. The moments of rejection, betrayal, inflicted and reflected through each of their memories rising within. He knew that he wasn’t any of them, with parts of all of them residing within his very thoughts, each individual telling their own story and life.

The man in front of Daniel smiled, knowing that some things had to be met head on.

“What if she were here now, in the other room?” the doctor replied.

Daniel felt his heart rate accelerate, the adrenaline pouring into his system, as so many thoughts started to appear within his mind. He allowed the thoughts time, a few seconds for his mind to rationalise what was happening until, finally, his emotions simply asked for the moment to be true. He nodded over and over again, “Okay. Okay. I’d like to meet her!”

The doctor pressed the button to the side of him, “Daisy, could you please ask Sandra to come in!”

“Yes Doctor!” replied the lady on the other end of the speaker.

A few seconds lapsed, as the door opened, with Sandra appearing immediately after. Sandra’s eyes tried to focus, the glaring light from the window taking her by surprise, as she immediately recognised this exact moment from her waking dreams. All of this was a confusing but, as his face and smile appeared to her eyes, her heart jumped a little in her chest as the butterflies suddenly appeared. He was, in ever single mention of the word, meant for her. She couldn’t understand why her emotions, mind and body all accepted the thought without reservation as she, instead, allowed the moment to simply be as it was. She had seen this moment over and over again.

“Daniel, meet Sandra.”

Sandra stood still, for a few seconds, before she reminded herself that it was rude to stare, “Nice to meet you, Daniel.”

“Nice to meet you, Sandra. I apparently, somehow, know a lot about you!”

Daniel looked at her. Really, really looked at her. Taking in her smile, the curves of her face, as well as her beautiful hair and searching eyes. He’d seen her each day for the last few years, within his mind and now that she was here, in front of him, his heart ached to simply hold her. He would run from the room, laugh as loud as he could at the madness of such a moment yet, he simply did not wish to do anything but be beside her.

Sandra smiled, “I also know so much about you!”

Daniel’s mild confusion appeared upon his face, as he glanced at the Doctor.

“Sandra?” he motioned, pushing her to say what she needed to say.

Sandra, playing with her fingers, looking mildly embarrassed with what she was about to say, eventually spoke.

“I… have been seeing you for a long time. Not so much as in my dreams, but thoughts. Each time I’d try to find someone, it seemed so right yet something was missing. Each person would come into my life and it would be amazing, yet they would just fade away. Another. Then another.”

Daniel listened, trying to understand what was being said. His mind raced, trying to find some type of conclusion for what was happening to him. To them. The doctor, scribbling words onto his paper pad, placed his pen beside him and leaned forward to address the both of them.

“There will always be some things that science cannot yet understand. I dare not hasten to any conclusion, but there is such a notion as ‘soul mates’. The mathematical chance of finding such a mate is probably impossible. A soul mate is a mirror of yourself, creating a bond that is emotional, physical, mental and possibly more. To me, the notion is staggeringly incomprehensible but, what the both of you have described upon your individual visits, leads me to no other conclusion.”

Daniel, still trying to understand the situation, tilted his head a little and simply said nothing. The confusion, spread across his face, was apparent to the others in the room.

“Daniel,” continued the doctor, “to be a person’s soul mate, you’d probably have to understand and appreciate a person perfectly. The complexities of each individual means that the chance of finding a perfectly compatible person is, more or less, impossible. You, on the other hand, have managed to be with, hence understand Sandra, multiple times.”

Daniel’s thoughts started to appreciate the words, to understand what was being said. He knew that unless people experienced as much life as possible, their understanding of the world, of people, for everything, could be stilted.  Understanding was part of his life, coming to terms with the other lives seemingly projected into his thoughts, the appreciation for what words he would use, could use, for any given circumstance within his life. He’d come to understand that life was delicate, precious, yet incredibly cruel as well as beautiful.

“So, what you’re trying to say is that I’m Sandra’s soul mate and,” Daniel looked at Sandra, “you, have been waiting for me for years?”

“Yes. That’s what I’m saying. It is the only conclusion that makes any sense, other than the entire situation being something from a fictious story!” replied the Doctor.

Daniel nodded, finding everything quite bizarre, yet relaxing. He appreciated an answer to the situation, despite being one of lunacy. His gaze once again found Sandra. She was beautiful, absolutely breathtakingly stunning in person. He’d never, in his life, been so attracted to another person. Each second that passed, he felt the longing within him grow. It made no sense. It was utter madness to feel such a way for someone that he’d just met. I mattered not that he’d help her against him over and over again. It was of no consequence that he’d made love to her a hundred times yet, in his real life, he’d never even kissed her.

“I’ll give you both a few seconds to talk alone.”

The Doctor left the room and, finally, Sandra sat across from Daniel. She shrugged her shoulders, trying to find any words to say. She’d finally met the man that, literally, appeared within her mind at every single resting moment. It was all quite bizarre, crazy, silly, yet, strangely enough, comforting to finally be near him. He had a warmth that she’d never really known before and, despite the distance between them, she felt safe and relaxed.

Daniel, after all of the moments he’d shared with her, found himself to be slightly speechless. He knew that he had to say something, anything, but the events had seemingly overwhelmed him. His thoughts raced, as he felt his heart actually start to calm itself. He simply wished to kiss her, despite only being near her for less than a few minutes. He’d damn all of them, each of her previous acquaintances, for having the utter luxury of holding her hand, but it was now his time and moment. He giggled to himself.

“What?” Sandra asked.

“Oh, nothing much, I was just thinking about your favourite ice-cream. The one with nearly every single sprinkle and topping you could have!”

“What is my favourite ice-cream?”

“All of them. Any, as long as it’s messy!”

“Maybe it’s true then?”

“What’s true?”

“That you do actually know me?”

“I probably know too much.”

Sandra smiled, moving from the seat to kneel in front of Daniel. He looked into her eyes. He searched within them, trying to find something, anything and everything. She was everything. All things. All moments, right there in front of him. He reached forward, placing his fingers gently onto the side of her face, slowly running them across her skin, through her hair, around her ear and down the side of her neck.

“You know that I absolutely love what you just did!”

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I did it!”

Sandra moved forward, her face in front of his, the face that she’d seen over and over again. Daniel smiled, as his hands found their place either side of her hips. After all of the moments, all of the memories forced upon his mind and emotions, the trials and tribulations of her life, she was here, in front of him. He slowly moved his head forwards, holding her gaze just in case she refused him, until the final moment their lips met. He closed his eyes, feeling her soft lips against his, each movement, drawing him closer to her and her closer to him. He moved her body closer to his, feeling her against him, the thoughts, dreams and moments all becoming real within both of their worlds.

The kiss faltered, as they both moved back slightly, their breath warm and heavy. Their smiles grew, as they returned to the kiss that they’d both started many, many moments before they’d even met. They both knew, understanding, that this was it. The everything. The all or nothing type of situation. The no going back. The second when and where they both realised that there would never, ever, be another.


(Ideally, this would be a six part TV series, with each episode featuring a new Man for Sandra. This story includes a possible ending to the series)

I know that there's a few mistakes. Apologies!

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