Boat

She sat on the boat, her feet feeling the wooden surface, that was now covered with mildew. It felt odd, seeing as she’d normally only remove her shoes in a warm house but, on this occasion, it seemed natural as all she wanted to do was feel. Feel the boat, feel the moment and feel the emotions that violently threatened to overwhelm her. This moment, right now, didn't help matters.

It had all happened the year before, on a day, unlike today, that featured sunshine and warmth. They’d been friends for a while, chatting, messaging, the usual social engineered methods that kept people apart more than together, in person. It was all too easy and, thankfully, on that very day they’d managed to find this peaceful lake that they’d spoken of many, many times. The bees buzzed through the air, the flowers glistened, enveloping the very essence of how she felt. She was free, feeling so amazing, with the grass feeling so very soft under her toes.

Her new friend was charming, adventurous, the type of person that she actually would have liked to have been. But, with life, they were the bricks that fitted together ever so well, which is what she wanted, but that was soon to be decided. She took a chance, a momentary spike that overcame any fear that she might feel, reaching out and a hand was held within hers. It was beautiful, almost emotional, but all she really felt was the smile upon her lips. It was happening, it might have to be, which is when they both decided to take a boat ride.

Paying the boat master a small sum of money, they both climbed into the boat, carefully, as falling in right now might have spoilt the mood. Pushing away from the small wooden stand, they drifted. They talked, they laughed, they exchanged the stories that one would wish to explore and looked into each other’s eyes in a way that signified the world ending in any single second.

Closer, a small bit closer, the laughter still moving their minds and embracing their hearts, they both suddenly stopped the words escaping into each other’s mind. Their breathing halted, the world paused, the sounds around them fell silent and she moved forward placing her lips onto hers. Feeling the soft skin, her lips against her, made her mind and heart free fall. Moving, gently, ever so softly, feeling each and every single moment, she felt Susan’s hand against her cheek and the fingertips slowly move to her neck.

Trembling, she moved back to look into Susan’s eyes. The stillness carried forward. No words. They embraced again until she decided to sit back onto the rear seat. Holding hands, emotions peaking to new levels, her body wanting more, her heart demanding everything, with her mind trying to control two unruly entities.

She didn't want to say it, she didn't wish to feel it, but she’d fallen quickly. Even before this moment she knew what she wanted and the woman in front of her, was just that. Some would call her an idealist in the day of fleeting romances, some would call her silly, but she’d simply call herself someone that simply wished to love. Kind words, loving touches, a hand to hold and that’s all she’d beg for, in life, from another.

Then, from nowhere, the seconds became a mystery as it was all stolen away from her. Returning to the present day, replacing the memories of the year previous to look across the lake, she finally recalled the words that were blurted out before her. The boat that she was sitting in, right now, was the same boat from the previous year. She ran a finger over their initials and the heart that they’d inscribed into the wooden plank.

They’d only just met, exchanging so much, yet on that day she was told that her affection would be miss-placed as the woman in front of her was moving away. Another country. At first she thought that it could work, that long distance adventure, but this would not be the case. Susan had already planned to marry a man, a man that wanted children, the life, the house, the usual, which meant that in this case, this moment, Susan’s small freedom would not last. She’d wanted to scream, to run away, but instead she was there in the middle of a lake. Quickly, from nowhere, she gathered her thoughts and expressed her understanding. It was not meant to be. It was a friendship to stay just that.

Sitting on the boat, the small boat that seated two, she looked out into the lake and smiled. There were moments of great happiness in life, excitement, heart stopping amazement and, on that day the previous year, this very boat witnessed a moment just like that.

Seduced

The door opened and in she walked. Ready, willing, able and about to have as much fun as she could. Despite the time spent drying her hair, straightening, styling and having a mild fit at the mid-way point, she’d managed to arrive ten single solitary minutes late. This, as she knew, was more than fashionable.

She prided herself on knowing what to wear, with what accessories and, on this night, she’d decided to wear only her most precious items. An hour previous she’d been tempted, then giving in, to wearing her absolute best underwear. At the very rear of a very big wardrobe sat a small box, a very pretty box, filled with a set of Guia La Bruna lingerie. She’d had a mad moment, a few months previous, where she absolutely had to own something, anything, of this nature that sat at the top of the tree. This moment, time, was that time to wear such things. A very exquisite set, the softest lace, she barely even knew that it was against her soft skin but, she knew.  There was something ever so special about wearing such things. Maybe it was her imagination but sexy was as sexy felt and, right now, she felt just that.

They’d met a few times, over the last few weeks, exchanging stories, life lessons, the usual anecdotes that should change the world, would change the world, if anyone acted upon them. He seemed wonderful, sensible, even sexy in a charming way, with his words seemingly knowing exactly what to say every single time. She was glad, even happy, otherwise her perfectly smooth legs would have something to say about the time it had taken to reach such a place. He’d probably had a shower, thrown on a shirt, suit jacket and pants, calling that enough while she’d spent three, or more, hours getting ready. She didn't mind as this seemed worthwhile. It seemed genuine.

She glanced down, as she hurriedly walked towards the entrance, glancing at her perfectly presented cleavage, brushing away a black speck that had landed from the night air outside. If he didn't notice her legs, her perfect hair, or her lips, he’d most certainly notice them. She often felt that men were underpowered, in some ways, when compared to the vast array of female anatomy that could be used against them. But, she also knew, that despite those weapons she still had to compete for affection in this crazy, mixed up, silly world. She often worried that her x wouldn't be good enough for y, with the media, magazine, friends and enemies all reminding her of the possible imperfections of life. It was a struggle, at times, despite sometimes not given even the slightest care in the world.

She reached the entrance, standing by the small stand holding the guest book, casting her gaze into the seating area. This was it, date number three, both managing to resist the usual carnal desires of not giving a flying heck about the way things used to be. He’d been respectful, maybe even annoyingly so, as everything seemed to happen so easily these days. She’d enjoyed waiting, with her body not sharing that view, as it had been far, far too long. ‘Good things come to those that wait,’ she said to herself, followed by ‘unless they’re not good!’ She smiled, knowing that in this case, it wouldn't be the case.

As the seconds moved forward the butterflies started, her heart beating that little bit faster, as he appeared into view. It didn’t matter what she wore, how she styled her hair, her smooth legs, the perfume or the extras. Even the clothes, as all he had to do was whisper into her ear, smile, or look at her with those deep blue eyes and she knew, she damn well knew, that she’d be seduced.

Sign

Daniel sat, perfectly still, on the subway seating, waiting patiently. He’d not felt this way for quite some time but right now, this very second, he could feel his heart bounce around in his chest. He did think that his affection was something of silly dreams but, as the world had not yet damaged his ideals, to some it could be called innocence at work. Either way, no matter what was going on within him, it was a beautiful event.

He’d been travelling, from this very line, for a couple of years and although he could have driven to work, he’d decided to simply take it easy. A bright idea, an easy option, quickly taken and here he was.

He stopped his leg bouncing up and down, trying to fight the nervous energy, but he simply couldn't help himself. She was about to arrive any second and, before she arrived, he recalled the first time he’d seen her. It was a normal day, a day like any other day, but as soon as his eyes settled upon her smile his world changed. In an instant, a very second, her smile improved his world.

She was slightly smaller than him, beautiful hair, eyes that could melt his gaze and that smile, that very smile, took his breath away. She was, to him, perfect and today was the very day that he would say hello. He’d often chastised himself for not saying hello over the weeks and months, but this was an almighty step that couldn't be taken lightly. He was, after all, not used to liking anyone. His friends had laughed at him, in a fun way, saying words such as ‘puppy love’ and although they might have been right, they’d also found it beautiful. He really was so innocent in the world.

He was also scared. Scared of rejection, the simple idea of his affection not being what she would like, but accepted that this could always be a possibility. He’d worked himself up, forcing himself to be brave, so the moment today would be just that, brave. He’d thought about what he’d say at least a hundred times, maybe more, with various silly things being sent his way through the friends mentioned above, but realistically he’d start with a very, very simple little word… ‘hello’.

He again stopped his leg moving up and down as, right then, she appeared from around the corner. His heart stopped, beat faster, stopped again, jumped a little and then melted. She was so beautiful that he could hardly bare to take his eyes away from her. This was something pure, gentle, young and honest. The way things should be, could be, if the world didn't decide to be what it truly was.

She walked past three empty benches, until sitting at the end of his bench. He’d often found that odd but, obviously, wasn't going to complain. He’d smiled at her, once or twice, but being unbelievably shy didn't help matters. This was it, the moment had arrived, and it was now or never as he was away on holiday for the next four days.

He cleared his throat, felt the nervous energy try to stop him, but he absolutely had to say something or forever be caught in an endless loop of silly emotion and fear. “Hello,” he blurted, quickly calming himself before the next word arrived, “I hope the train is on time today!” He looked around as she said nothing, nothing at all. Confused, his fear rising, thoughts crashing within his mind and heart. Maybe she was shy, even more than him, or did she simply not want to know him? The questions arrived quickly but, before he found answers, the train arrived. She stood, looked at Daniel, smiled and nodded before stepping forward as the train slowed.

He sank into the bench, absolutely destroyed that his attempt had failed completely.  As he watched the train door close, he caught sight of her friend, making gestures and then it hit him. Sign language. She was deaf, possibly. Probably. After the weeks and months, he’d actually never once noticed. He couldn't believe that he’d missed something so simple, so obvious, yet… he was oblivious.  More thoughts struck him. The revelation realising within his mind and heart. ‘It didn't matter and why should it?’ he reminded himself. It didn't change a thing.

The four days vanished quickly and, once again, he sat on the bench waiting. His fear had virtually vanished, the beauty of her smile being the constant reminder that he, as well as the world, could adapt to anything. Once again, just like any other working day, she arrived, walking past the same benches as she’d done for months. Sitting calmly, she glanced across at Daniel, a cute friendly smile and, before she looked away, he raised his hand. He’d only had four days to learn, to study, but this was now or never.

He had a few sign words memorised, as he’d done his research, but first pointed at his lips. She nodded. He smiled and, instantly, so did she. She could lip read and, trying to remain calm as his heart once again caused trouble, he started to speak as clearly as he could without any stuttering or slang, “I would really like to have a coffee with you, if you drink coffee, especially seeing as we’re bench friends. Would that be okay?” Her smile absolutely glowed, as she brushed aside her hair. She quickly rummaged through her bag, finding her phone, pointing and then pointing at Daniel.

Within moments they’d exchanged phone numbers and, as the seconds flew and the train arrived, she stood clicking send. Daniel watched as she literally jumped from the ground in excitement, her eyes lighting his entire world, as she waved goodbye and walked onto the train. As the train pulled away he opened the text and read the words she’d sent, ‘Thank you for asking and I really would like to get a coffee. I've sat next to you for months hoping that you’d ask. I'm obviously a bit shy. Can’t wait to see you again, Isabella xx’.

His mind relaxed, the almighty task completed, his heart racing, his body feeling alive and the smile, his smile, couldn’t be compared. He knew that there might be challenges but he wasn’t that silly to believe that love, communication, resided in the hearing of words. He knew that his meaning could be felt through his actions, his eyes, his smile and his warmth. He knew, possibly, that his greatest adventure was about to begin.

Teddy

Jack ran. He ran as fast as his little legs could carry him despite not knowing where he would run to. The Teddy, clenched tightly to his side, jolted around as Jack cried the tiny tears of life that he should not be experiencing. He was far too young, this was all far too soon, but life nonetheless.  When he heard the news, he didn't know how to feel, let alone think, which left the very last option and that was to run. To hide. To cry like all little boys did when upset.

His legs surrendered to exhaustion and he stopped, looking up the long driveway that featured tress to each side of the road ahead. The gravel and stone under his feet, felt strange, despite walking here many, many times. Everything felt strange. Even the rain, pouring around him. He held the teddy to his chest and cried as hard as he could. Eyes closed, tears falling, he held the Teddy so damn tight that nothing in the entire world could separate them. Not even his Mother.

From behind his Father walked towards him. Slowly, his own anguish threatening to tear him apart. Simon knew that he had to be strong, or at least stronger, than his emotions would currently allow. It was time for understanding, tears, hugs and more. This situation, despite his adult years, felt completely new. This wasn't the same as when his Mother and Father left the world, as he had his support platform to recover from, his Son’s hand to hold, his Wife’s lips to kiss and now, he felt as if the entire world wanted to suffocate the life from his very soul.

He’d heard the news the day before, when Jack was staying with his Auntie. Sudden, confusing, the disbelief quickly trying to recover his sanity as the biggest part of his world vanished in the blink of an eye. This was life. This would now be his life. Despite the news, ignoring the pain, his second thought after the disbelief was Jack. He simply did not know what to say, how to say it, or even when to say the words.

Jack had arrived home the next day, slightly earlier than usual, but that was sensible as they both had to be brave. He had a feeling that Jack would even be braver than him, the Father in all of this, but time would tell. He’d tried to use soft words, sensible words, but that only elicited the event right now. He didn't want to stop Jack expressing his feelings, as young as he was, but it only made it harder.

Kneeling in front of Jack, Simon lifted Jack’s chin to see a small face covered in tears. Red eyes, a snotty nose, with new tears arriving as the seconds ticked. The rain was cold, as harsh as rain could be, but that was ignored completely. “Mummy has gone to a beautiful place, Jack,” said Simon with his pain disguised within his softest voice and words, “a place where she’ll always be able to help you when you say her name!”

“Mummy!” said Jack with his broken voice, interrupted with his crying. 

“I know, I know Son”

“I want Mummy back!”

“So do I Jack, So do I!” 

Simon, placing his other knee on the floor, held out his arms and hugged Jack as tightly as he could with the Teddy squashed between them. Letting go, he held each of Jack’s hands in his, “See your hands Jack, these hands were made when Mummy and Daddy held hands, on a beautiful day. Each time you look at your hands, remember, that your hands are Mummy’s hands. They’re Daddy’s hands. When you see your hands always remember, “ Simon paused for a second as his own tears appeared, then continued, “…that we’re thinking of you, protecting you, wishing for you to smile.”

Simon stood, scooping Jack into his arms as the Teddy fell to the ground, stepping towards the house. “Teddy!” said Jack. Simon turned his head slightly, caught sight of the Teddy on the ground, stepped back and bent over. Jack grabbed the Teddy and held it against his chest again. 

“There you go Jack. Keep Teddy safe. Can you do that? Teddy will miss Mummy just as much as we will!”

Jack nodded, kissing the top of the Teddy’s head and, for the smallest of seconds, Jack managed to smile. Simon knew that the next few months would be tough, filled with tears, but maybe, just maybe, Teddy would keep them both safe and, hopefully, the three of them would be okay.

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Each and every single day heart crushingly tragic events occur. Find your Teddy. Survive.

Jump

I'm often amazed at the amount of negativity within our views, our lives, our words and what we do. If a person stands in front of a cliff edge, wanting to jump, everyone would want to stop the person from jumping. That’s obvious. But what is the reason for jumping? There’s so many variables within that one scene that one cannot help but explore.

The person wants to jump and they've wanted to jump for the longest time. Should we let them? Is it our decision in life to stop anyone and everyone doing what they’d like to do?  What we don’t know, about this imaginary scene, is that he’s jumping from a known location for just that, jumping into the water below. They've seen videos, albeit supposedly perfectly safe, there will always be risks involved. Always. You drive your car to work or to the store each and every single day, which probably has more risk than jumping from that cliff.

The person jumping has been swimming for years. A jump such as this cliff jump is easy, a walk in the park, yet the people around this person quickly move to judge, to afford the person negative comments such as, “You don’t want to do that!” or, “It’s the wrong thing to do!”  That’s all fair enough as we all have opinions. We all have choices. You could jump with the person, as that person has the plan already worked out within their mind. It’s all options, all solutions. You have a problem, which involves entering the water, toes first as the height is above a head first dive. There’s the direction to swim back to shore, with possibly more to consider.

In life we have problems, real, scary, horrendous problems. Some of them may take more to resolve than making the decision to dive into some water filled area. What ‘we’ could change is the way we perceive problems. We’re not all the same, we all have our own minds and despite worrying about my own problems time to time, I know that for every single problem we must only think of solutions.

Solutions are the key to everything. It doesn't matter how quick, or slowly, you come to a solution as it’s the activity that matters. Do something. If you intend to take three weeks to decide then take the weeks, use them, explore with them, see the angles, the avenues and possibilities. Smile at the options, place the worry into a drawer away from your mind, then act. Make it happen. Create the plan. Yes, of course, you can re-evaluate, but it’s hardly going to do anything for you if you regret a decision that has been made. It’s done. That’s the past. Right now is the second that decides the next second of your future.

Never be afraid to jump but, of course, there will always be practical issues that need to be faced. If you want to travel the world then do it. That is to say, within reason, as long as your financial or current life allows that. There are obvious things to consider like children, debt, mortgages, but there can be a way. If not, you can actively decide to cancel that plan unless something changes. There you go, you’ve made that decision, you’ve jumped into the sea in a fashion. Positivity must win when battling negativity.

When you make your decision be wary of the people standing on the cliff next to you. They may not agree with supposedly reckless behaviour as, unfortunately, you and I, as well as most people, live confined and defined lives. Our glass houses are held together by the words nine to five, our lives a moment’s thought away from smashing to the ground. We’re trapped by money and might always be. Unless, of course, you jump. Change can be scary, it can keep you up all night, but it can also enliven your heart, soul and mind.

The norms of society are just that, normal. Who wants to be normal? We all allude to being special, different, that person that walks tall yet the truth is that we’re living our lives as intended. We’re walking through the halls heading towards the same door that eventually opens. We could be flying, we could be feeling so much more, but that’s up to each and every single one of us. You could be happy, which is an amazing thing to feel, so shake your own hand and smile.

For the rest of us, for the few standing by the cliff, at least consider the decision to jump. You’ll never know what’s out there until you try.

Soul

Somewhere, somehow, there’s a river within that soul of yours. I know that I’m caught, within the waves of your affection, but that doesn’t mean that I want to escape any time soon. I’m here for the journey as, when you’re not around, I miss you so very, very much.

I've been living my own life, coasting, cruising, within the wonders of the very world we love and need. I need for nothing, needed by a few, missed by no-one, realising that I'm but a speck within the world. I'm happy, I'm okay, smiling at the mysteriously silly things that people do, say and feel. You were far away, over there, walking within the river or your own making. Then… .

You appeared, you arrived, with a smile to light the room, the words of wonder and the lips that have kept me awake all through the night. Within my dreams I've explored you, known you, seen you, vulnerable and mighty all at the same time.

I’ve built a raft from moments. The seconds you've spent with me, defined with me, realised within me, have created a model to sail your very seas. This raft, this rickety creation, needs to move with you, embrace you, to explore your soul. You have a wise soul, a soft soul, with damaged edges but the core, the very life of you, is a wondrous explosion of life. You can see that wherever we go, whomever we meet, you express the warmth that calms and soothes. I'm the special one, the lucky one, as you hold my very hand within yours.

When your smile is no longer here I feel my heart start to crumble, breaking each and every single time you close the door, despite knowing that you’ll return. It’s silly, it’s almost tragic, that a single and solitary figure can become so attached. It’s a true fairy tale involving a white night, the various castles of life, the queen commanding and deserving of affection.

Whenever I close my eyes I can feel you, that soul, caressing my face, touching my lips, wanting to become ever closer despite there being no space between us. This what it feels like to have two souls, bonded, together, possibly forever, the way that works within our lives.

From the top, middle, as well as the bottom of my heart, soul to a soul, my soul thanks, loves and adores you.

xx

SOS

The piles of rubbish, rubble and anything we could find, stretched for miles. We’d scavenged for the last few months, the few remaining people and I, trying, finding, that last ditch effort offered before all hope would be lost.

The world we knew, now so far, far away, constantly reminding each of us of the ways we used to live. We laughed, smiled, cried until the night reminded us of the sleep we needed. Missing the days, embracing the nights, trying to last one, more, solitary day. Each day. Until that last day.

Pushing another bundle of rubbish into the gigantic collection in front of me I pause, for a few seconds, reaching out. A small teddy, nothing special, right in front of me. I sat down onto the sand, the sand that now stretched for many, many miles. Reaching, I picked up the teddy. A small bit battered, probably living a life of lost and forgotten cuddles. Maybe it had managed to float along a long-forgotten river, before reaching here, before the day decided to change everything forever.

Smiling, feeling, I casually throw the teddy onto the pile and relax onto the sand. Embracing the stars now covering the sky above, breathing managing to relax for a few seconds as one of my collection colleagues walks past, reminding me, placing the inevitable thoughts into my mind, that we were close to lighting the last fire.

The lands had dried, the seas had burnt to a crisp, with the remaining plant life crying for freedom. This was it, that moment where the spark finally dies, finally encompassing the realisation that this truly was the end.

The shouts echoed through the night air, as I stood, walking backwards away from the pile. We’d collected so much, with so little time, in the last-ditch effort to try and find rescue. We were few, oxygen dwindling, with no room to manoeuvre or escape. There were others, safe, behind the walls of technology but their time was also limited to the failings of man made machines. Soon, very soon, the same fate may defeat each and every single one of them.

The fire flew along the piles of rubbish, lighting the very sky with our message, the plea for some higher power to help. We’d failed this world, we’d failed ourselves, with the momentary gamble of thinking that the next generation would make things better. Would make things right. That never arrived, leaving the next collection of human like drones to realise that the system no longer worked. It was too late.

The fire raged, ravaging the remaining oxygen in the air around us. One by one, we fell, we gave our last remaining breath to try and find absolution. The world, the earth, finally no longer willing to nurture the life that we needed.  The fire, the rubbish and debris that we’d collected, spelt the simple letters to any being out there in the darkness... SOS.