Stepping from the ashes, the desolation around my very
human, frail frame, I keep my eyes closed. I'm not yet ready to forget the
moments behind me, holding on, trying to grasp the memories long gone. I’ll
never forget, maybe never forgive, but to re-live those seconds burns hotter
than the flames that consumed my very life.
I've said it before, I’ll say it again, I’ll repeat it a
thousand times until I perfect the words… I'm not perfect, I will fail, but the
grace within my very soul will learn. It’s adaptable, I'm willing, able, ready
to become something better each step of my very life. I have a future, that
could end any second, but it’s still there, until it arrives, and I believe. I
truly believe.
I'm the person that’s kind, considerate, even stupidly so,
but that’s where I'm adapting. Each of us, every single person, you, the I, the
we in this equation, can make the world a better place. It’s not as difficult
as math, or the simple moment where you meet the person of your dreams in a
crowded room, it’s the more or less of how you make it.
I'm holding on, to a dream that faded the very second a word
was spoken. It’s not the first time, probably not the last, but that’s the very
adventure that makes a poor boy like me feel alive. Bath me with flames, melt
the very skin away from my body, take everything from me and, eventually, I’ll
rise stronger than I could ever envision. This is within all of us. The moment
we fell, hurt ourselves as children and the second we looked for acceptance, is
the moment that we realised that we can all dust ourselves off and continue.
It’s that simple. It’s as easy as that. There are millions
of television episodes, within this world of ours. Some tragic, some upsetting,
many funny and the many reminding us that we’re not alone. When I'm standing
there, naked, in front of a mirror, I don’t see my own body as I see a suit for
the very person that hurts, that feels. I'm not my lips, I'm not my face, I'm
the thoughts within and they’re all that matter. I also see… pain. Just look
into my eyes and it’s there, it’s alive, but just like the episodes we watch
each and every single day, we can place these moments of our lives into such an
episode. It’s done, it’s over, the 45 minutes neatly packed into a moment to
remember in the weeks to come.
I'm currently writing the final subtitles of the past few
weeks. I'm not happy with the episode, it hurts to write such things, but it’s
life and the next episode will be stronger. Larger. Embracing, enthralling, the
adventure meant to steal hearts and remove all clothing. There will be talking,
lots of talking, as well as, finally, love making. I apologise, I refute the
ideals of others, but this world without passion is nothing at all. It’s empty,
it’s vacant, a space to rent for desolation and emptiness. Just another chance
to try to grasp another fleeting moment, of frail happiness, without realising
what we've let go of.
No more. Nothing less. Not in this episode. It will start
with ashes, a lone figure, as stated, rising from the same ashes he’d visited
before. This time, he’d searched that bit deeper, realised, fixed, complimented
the moments within his structure. He’d solidified, resolving, not wishing to
preach of a sanctuary for all, as this is his moment. Only when you've been
stripped bare, removed of all the covers, can you truly create a nest for your
love and emotion. I'm there, still writing, mind tinkering, heart thinking,
waiting for the start.
I'm excited, with the energy that I have, which isn't enough
but acceptable for now. You've read about the phoenix, you've heard about the
Island, but that was then and this, right now, is the start of something new.
Too many people hide, too many are afraid of finding something within them that
will set them free, but me, I, we… can be so much more.
Stepping from the ashes, the old skin of my life turned to dust
around me, I smile and finally open my eyes. Only a little, only a small
amount, as I'm going to walk before I run. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, the
old me is no more.
Click the following to listen:
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Hand on my heart, to all that have listened, to all that have helped, I thank
each and every single one of you.
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