Ashes

Stepping from the ashes, the desolation around my very human, frail frame, I keep my eyes closed. I'm not yet ready to forget the moments behind me, holding on, trying to grasp the memories long gone. I’ll never forget, maybe never forgive, but to re-live those seconds burns hotter than the flames that consumed my very life.

I've said it before, I’ll say it again, I’ll repeat it a thousand times until I perfect the words… I'm not perfect, I will fail, but the grace within my very soul will learn. It’s adaptable, I'm willing, able, ready to become something better each step of my very life. I have a future, that could end any second, but it’s still there, until it arrives, and I believe. I truly believe.

I'm the person that’s kind, considerate, even stupidly so, but that’s where I'm adapting. Each of us, every single person, you, the I, the we in this equation, can make the world a better place. It’s not as difficult as math, or the simple moment where you meet the person of your dreams in a crowded room, it’s the more or less of how you make it.

I'm holding on, to a dream that faded the very second a word was spoken. It’s not the first time, probably not the last, but that’s the very adventure that makes a poor boy like me feel alive. Bath me with flames, melt the very skin away from my body, take everything from me and, eventually, I’ll rise stronger than I could ever envision. This is within all of us. The moment we fell, hurt ourselves as children and the second we looked for acceptance, is the moment that we realised that we can all dust ourselves off and continue.

It’s that simple. It’s as easy as that. There are millions of television episodes, within this world of ours. Some tragic, some upsetting, many funny and the many reminding us that we’re not alone. When I'm standing there, naked, in front of a mirror, I don’t see my own body as I see a suit for the very person that hurts, that feels. I'm not my lips, I'm not my face, I'm the thoughts within and they’re all that matter. I also see… pain. Just look into my eyes and it’s there, it’s alive, but just like the episodes we watch each and every single day, we can place these moments of our lives into such an episode. It’s done, it’s over, the 45 minutes neatly packed into a moment to remember in the weeks to come.

I'm currently writing the final subtitles of the past few weeks. I'm not happy with the episode, it hurts to write such things, but it’s life and the next episode will be stronger. Larger. Embracing, enthralling, the adventure meant to steal hearts and remove all clothing. There will be talking, lots of talking, as well as, finally, love making. I apologise, I refute the ideals of others, but this world without passion is nothing at all. It’s empty, it’s vacant, a space to rent for desolation and emptiness. Just another chance to try to grasp another fleeting moment, of frail happiness, without realising what we've let go of.

No more. Nothing less. Not in this episode. It will start with ashes, a lone figure, as stated, rising from the same ashes he’d visited before. This time, he’d searched that bit deeper, realised, fixed, complimented the moments within his structure. He’d solidified, resolving, not wishing to preach of a sanctuary for all, as this is his moment. Only when you've been stripped bare, removed of all the covers, can you truly create a nest for your love and emotion. I'm there, still writing, mind tinkering, heart thinking, waiting for the start.

I'm excited, with the energy that I have, which isn't enough but acceptable for now. You've read about the phoenix, you've heard about the Island, but that was then and this, right now, is the start of something new. Too many people hide, too many are afraid of finding something within them that will set them free, but me, I, we… can be so much more.

Stepping from the ashes, the old skin of my life turned to dust around me, I smile and finally open my eyes. Only a little, only a small amount, as I'm going to walk before I run. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, the old me is no more. 

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Audio Version

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Hand on my heart, to all that have listened, to all that have helped, I thank each and every single one of you.