Turning, knowing what she would find, her hand touched the
bed sheet and she felt the tears rise within her. Alone, in their bed, she
closed her eyes and begged the world, one more time, to bring him back to her.
She knew that the world seldom answered any questions, let alone the most
important and imperative needs. She’d managed to sleep, for the shortest time,
even as the weeks moved along in her mind. Each day, every day, the same. Her
purpose, or at least her motivation, gone from the world never to return.
The tears fell, her suffering rising to her lips and she
screamed at the top of her voice as her fingers scrunched the sheet into her
closed, tight fist. The anguish, the loss, trying, somehow, to escape yet
remain deep, sealed, within her very thoughts and blood. Her thoughts lapsed,
fell from her mind, as she relived the same moments again and again.
They’d met many years previous, through a mutual
acquaintance, but not something akin to a blind date. This was mutual. This was
between the both of them. The usual crowded room. Many, many people, some
trying to find her attention, many falling flat, but her radiance and glow
seemed to attract them all. She was free, happy, living her life the way she
wanted and that, to her, was of the utmost importance. Then, from across that
crowded room, she caught his eye. Somehow, she knew that someone, somewhere,
was looking at her. That sense of something else and maybe, just maybe, that’s
why she felt as happy as she did within that small hour of her life.
The moment she smiled at him, looked down, done the usual
looking but not looking thing, she watched as he immediately walked all the way
across the room to stand right in front of her. A man of confidence, or maybe
it was the fact that, as he had stated, ‘he just had to speak to her’. He said
so many things in that short time, the moments that managed to make her feel
wanted, excited, that small bit happier and that was before the final second.
In that final second he’d simply kissed her on the cheek. Such a small moment.
A tiny gesture. But that moment always stayed with her.
As soon as he’d arrived, he’d left, without giving her his
number. She’d felt the emotion fall within, for a few moments, but trusted that
he would do as she thought he would. He did. He really did. They dated. They
really, really dated. She’d call them dates but they were actually adventures
as, for some reason, he was alive in so many, many ways. Each time she’d see
his face he’d smile in such a way that made her heart flutter. He wasn't perfect,
but saying that, neither was she. He overlooked any issues she had, the small
things, the big things, any single thing. He would stand upon a box, a stone
monument, to proclaim that she was perfect. For him. When with him.
He truly lifted her life to another level. Any doubts, any
façades broken through despite her best efforts. He knew her. Really, really
knew her. The darkest fears that even her own Mother dare not discover. She was
his open book and he, just this man, her man, could write his name all over
her. Again and again and again. She’d loved, had lovers, but he’d taken the
time, eventually, slowly, to discover her. As he said, as she’d hoped, they had
many years to find the map to each other’s soul.
Together, they owned the room. Apart, they defined their
connection and returned to destroy any place where they were alone. His love,
his actions, truly the work of a man with morals, respect, the depth to
actually appreciate and understand the levels to which a woman could fall, would
rise, could conquer and become.
Then, within a second, he was gone. The tears roared within
her, the raw feelings ripping at her heart and mind. She curled into a ball,
arms holding her legs against her chest. No tears, no emotion, the depths of
her soul, nothing, could console her aching heart. She knew that she’d
continue, she knew that she’d make it through the following weeks. It was a
certainty as he, that man, on that final day, had made her promise. He made her
promise to continue. To carry on. To him, once made, a promise was the most
important words spoken by any person. She made that promise and then, on that
final day, he closed his eyes.
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