Saturday, 17 November 2018


Sitting there, in front of her, his thoughts trying to listen to her beautiful voice, he wanted to simply melt away but that simply wouldn't do. The room, the gentle background noise of people talking and eating, the lights were low and the feeling one of calm. She was perfect. Absolutely perfect. He wanted to describe her, again and again, over and over in his mind, but he’d save that for when he was alone, resting, wanting to feel the same way that he currently felt. Relaxed, happy, optimistic and maybe a little bit more.

The more. That moment when you realise that you’re attracted to someone that little bit more than friends. It’s a feeling, a notion, a buzz within your chest and mind. It’s the moment when your smile brightens and your eyes soften, but that, right now, couldn't happen. He didn't want to rush. He never did. He enjoyed the talking, the moments of sharing, where your best attempt to seem genuine shone through. For him, of course, he was simply that type of person. Or so he hoped.

Her lips seemed to be calling him, especially due to deciding that he wanted her, in pretty much every way he could imagine. Mentally, conversationally, physically, all there, right in front of him, but there were considerations to think of. Everyone always thought that he was so polite, genuine, a person of charm and consideration, but once that was out of the way, he did have a side that he despised.

He did want her, with urgency, right there and then or at least in a suitable place. But that wasn't right. Especially once he’d decided he wanted more. That was the trouble. That was his issue. He wanted one person, just one, while the many would do until that one arrived. He’d known this for such a long time, enjoyed all of it, adored, expressed, yet been sickened by his very actions.

Once done, once enacted, how comfortable would she be before he’d see the real woman? The actual person. We all wore masks, we all had issues, yet his was but a simple one. He’d fight it, ignore it, but his physical side demanded attention, despite his heart’s best efforts to ask for both to work together.

There, right there, her smile, literally making him feel the way he should feel. Forget the sex, ignore the demands, as he simply wanted to tell the world that he loved his woman, not to explain the list that had come, then gone. He wanted to be seduced by words, as well as seduce, and he knew that he could do such a thing without removing any clothes. Any word, any situation, he could find the words but in those moments, lip to lip, inches away, he could create a scenario that would break through any defence and allow his thoughts to erupt within her mind. This. This is what he wanted. More than anything. He wanted to hear her speak to him, the way that he would speak to her, for her, to adore her without question. He just needed to reach ‘that’ place. Somehow.

Every breath, heavy, laden, whenever he even thought her name, was where he wanted to be. The depth to which a man should want his woman, take his woman, respect his woman. He wanted her to look at him, in such a way that he would feel fear, at how she could handle him.  How she should handle him. A fire each and every single morning, noon and night.

The ancient souls, a kiss waiting for decades, spanning the near universe where energy knows no bounds. Each kiss, the spirit overwhelming them. Taking them. Joining them. He knew that great sex, the sex that bonds for a lifetime, is never made with the body, but the mind, the heart, the touching all joined together as one. Two people feeling such emotion, that the world around fades to black, and all thoughts fall into love.

But, for now, he knew that they’d probably end in bed. The conversation stopping, the bonding failing, the next chapter never to arrive. He’d seen it, lived it, lost all of it, then repeated on so many, many occasions. The world simply wasn't ready for such things and, if he were honest with himself, maybe he wasn't either. After all, when someone sits in front of you, and you know that you’d do anything to possibly reach that next level, you will enjoy, you will experience, you will taste and you will, more than likely, lose them.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

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