Thursday, 1 November 2018


I can feel you, all of you, around me, moving so slowly that I can hardly breath. Each time I inhale, each time I even think of moving, I fail. I don’t want to move, be anywhere else, with anyone else, but right here in this moment. You’re right there, forehead against mine, looking at my eyes as I take your warm breath into my lungs.

We've done everything else, the fast moments of life, escaping into the past like some forbidden dreams long forgotten. We've held each other against the many places that life brought forth, so now, right now, this is what we've been working towards. The slow moments. The bonding moments. The place that we all so secretly desire.

The soft music, playing in the background, the pillows strewn everywhere, sheets mangled, lipstick smeared, clothes across the room, all part of what is to take place. I know that your name rests upon my lips, when we’re apart, just before I fall asleep at night. I delve into the mysteries of your life, those thoughts of yours, often so different than mine, but that will never, should never, bother me. I've dreamed of you, with me holding you so close that we almost become one. Singular, bonded, the strongest imaginable force within this world and then, just then, my eyes open. It’s the old tale of waking, into sunshine, with the same name upon your lips.

But I don’t care about that right now, as my fingertips move along your back, the soft supple skin teasing my every thought. I could hold you for the entire day, the week, for as long as you look at me that way. You know how I feel, what I want, need, cherish and respect in this world. You've heard my words, felt them spoken a thousand times upon your lips, so there’s nothing left to say other than this very moment.

Each time I'm near you, the same room, something just begs me to be where you are. I know the rules, the oxytocin release, the pleasure factor, the bonding mechanism, but it’s far, far more than that. The attraction, every word you say, even when silly, just increases whatever’s inside. It’s not all about the endorphin rush, it’s just you. All about you but, at the same time, I can agree, that this is what ‘I’ want.

Every single movement you make, my mind simply loses itself, falls into your oblivion, the place where I become yours and yours alone. You wash over me, cleansing me of doubt, of all thoughts of any other place or time. We rushed here, we preached before we practised, with this being the sermon of our lives. I need to know you, understand you, appreciate your buttons, your doubts, the fears of your world, your nightmares as well as desires. There’s nothing if we don’t communicate on all levels and this level, right now, is just as important as all the others.

There you go, being you, letting me, move you over me, with my hands holding your hips. The kissing increasing with ever intense furore. I need to taste your lips. Every single day. Every hour if I could. It might be exhausting, it might feel overwhelming but trust me, truly trust me, we’ll both float upon clouds by the time my affection is understood. I live to adore. I live to give affection and now, thankfully, I understand that I also need the same in return. Not as much, just… something.

Not too fast, slow things down as there’s no rush, kissing your neck just a little as you close your eyes. I'm here, never going anywhere, realising that you need this as much as I do. So close, such warmth coming from your body’s aura, tension building and the skin to skin feeling, encompassing the both of us. I can hear your heart beating, just slightly across from mine, trying to connect and be together. I don’t care about what we did before. I don’t care that I ripped open and destroyed your favourite blouse. I don’t care that we scandalously had each other in the back of the theatre. I don’t care that I kissed you… everywhere, down the steps of some old building. I just don’t care about any of that. I do care, to the depths of my very being, about this moment right now. We only have a few chances to feel, to truly feel. Right now, I can feel you, touch you, kiss every inch of you, without even bothering to think about the next few seconds.

Arching your back, just a little, you raise your body, placing me in a situation that I cannot withstand. I don’t want this to end. I never want this to end. But I don’t think I have a choice. Moving, your intense gaze destroying my thoughts, your body embracing the part of me that speaks in a different way, you move so slowly that, again, I lose my breath and also mind. I'm yours. Always. Always will be. A few more seconds, mere moments away, you smile as you understand and damn well know what you’re doing to me. Back and then forth, again and again, building, connecting, taking what you need. Your eyes close, the expression on your face saying all I need to know. The vocal noises becoming my drive, edging me closer, nearing that place we both want.

Neither able to withstand this slow moment any longer, giving in to the desire of two people needing, your hand joins mine and at that moment we both, urgently, completely… slowly… connect.

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