Danny, throwing the remaining wrapper into the bin, slowly chewed the oat filled protein bar. It had a slight taste of chocolate orange, despite the taste being quite bland. It was, however, a welcome treat from eating vegetables and whatever else she decided to eat that was overly healthy.
She looked out onto the lake, it’s steady calm invading her mind, soul and body. This place, of all places, was her go to whenever she felt lost, alone, or simply struggled with life. It was her safe place, her own place, despite many other people being around her at this point in time. She could see a frisbee zipping back and forth, to her side, the barking of dogs to her other side and, once again, the calm residing in front of her.
Her mind, her thoughts, as always, presented themselves whenever she struggled to find a gap of peace within her moments. She wanted to ponder a million subjects, but this one subject simply wouldn’t leave her alone. Love. She’d often wondered, as a younger woman, what love entailed, what it embodied to other people and more. Lately, she’d been reading about unconditional love which, for some reason, evaded most people.
She knew that she was mildly selfish, the same as most people, but this unconditional thing kept creeping into her mind. She'd accepted that she loved each of her partners, past, present and possibly future, for a reason. They had a beautiful smile, knowledge, or just something about them made her want to spend her life with them. Then, over time, doubt crept into her soul and, as usual, she devalued and cast them aside.
She’d realised that loving someone for a reason, meant that once she no longer wanted, valued or required that reason, her love would fade away and the process would start again. She would repeat the same situations over and over again. All she wanted was to be loved but, of course, she knew that in order to be loved, it required sacrifice, effort, acceptance and struggle. She lowered her head, as she played with her fingers. She wasn’t proud of her actions, as she’d caused such distress, such heartbreak, convincing herself that she would eventually, or never, meet the one for her. She also knew that the one for her wouldn’t exist, until she dealt with whatever demons existed within her.
She closed her eyes, blocking out the surrounding noise. Unconditional love, to her, meant that she accepted another person for who they were, faults and all. No selfish motives or desires. She knew that thinking would destroy any relationship, with thoughts being expressed, actual brave communication, becoming the saving grace of all affection. All she had to do, was be brave. They weren't all the same and, deep down, she knew this to be true. She, however, often stayed the same and, above all, there would always be limits to how she was emotionally treated before the unconditional faded.
She sighed a heavy sigh, as she opened her eyes. “If only!” she whispered under her breath, to no-one in particular. The realisation of loving unconditionally meant surrendering to fear, to possible future disappointment, but she was willing. She wanted to find someone that was kind, giving, sensitive, strong, well dressed, well mannered, perfect, hot, sexy and more. To do that, all she had to do, on the other hand, was smile and love unconditionally.